Friday, February 15, 2019

February 15th, 2019 Help Me Land

February 15th, 2019 Help Me Land

Yesterday was a 4-star day: I maintained the integrity of my calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I met my daily water goal, I personally prepared all of my meals, and I stayed well connected with exceptional support.

For some reason, yesterday was much harder, emotionally, than in previous years. I'll always miss my little brother Shane, but yesterday was a hurting/missing. I felt on an emotional edge most of the day. It hasn't been quite like that in several years. I made direct support reach outs critically important yesterday. They're always important, but on days like that, even more.
It was a good food day.

Mom was also missing Shane more than normal yesterday. I always make a good visit with her important on Valentines Day. We visited for a little while, talked about Shane--and that helped too, reminiscing and laughing over the good times. Mom loved her card and flowers. She was feeling much better too and that was a wonderful thing. Her spirits were high after getting her hair fixed--and that helps, too.

I prepared a good Valentines Day dinner for my Valentine last night. It received rave reviews from Kristin, so yay me!! 

My sweet Valentine!

I was feeling much better by evenings end.

One of the messages I received from a support friend yesterday was a good reminder about how the intensity of feelings subside, pass, and change--and to just ride 'em, feel 'em, live 'em, and allow them. Very true. It's hard to do this most of the time. I cannot count the number of years I would simply stuff down emotions with food. Now, the urge to do that still pops up every now and again and when it does, that's when I must turn the auto-pilot off and start doing intentional actions to help me "land" and be well. Sometimes we gotta be talked through that landing procedure!

My emotional stew yesterday, I believe, was intensified because lately the thought of being the last surviving brother has crossed my mind a lot for some reason--and I'm not sure why. Shane passed first, then my half brother Danny, then my other half brother, Chris. I didn't have relationships with Danny and Chris, I wasn't raised around them, but Shane was different, we were raised together and very close. All three of them died devastatingly young and although I certainly could have died just as young from the pressures of carrying around 500 pounds for almost twenty years, I somehow didn't. I don't know. I do know I'm grateful to be here. Very. Anyway, it just strikes an emotional chord with me for whatever reason.

I intentionally waited to post this until some break time at work, considering the late night last night. I did get up in time for my morning foundation routine. I packed and planned my food for the day and I'm grateful that the emotional edge of yesterday has passed.

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Practice, peace, and calm,

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