February 21st, 2019 Certainty

February 21st, 2019 Certainty

Yesterday was another 4-star day: I maintained the integrity of my calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I met my daily water goal, I personally prepared all my meals, and I stayed well connected with exceptional support.

Mom was very happy to be out of the hospital and back at her place yesterday. The staff at the nursing home were happy to see her, too. The uncertainty for a few days was replaced with certainty; she's going to be okay.

I've found that maintaining a balance with my food and exercise requires that I'm mindful of my emotional and stress level balance, first. When things are going smoothly in the non-food & exercise areas of my life, I feel empowered and confident. When life throws a curve ball or two, and suddenly things aren't as harmonious--that's when my awareness level must be on the highest setting.

I've given myself quite a bunch of self-study in this area of balance. My conclusion centers around one of the basic human needs: Certainty. 

When things get bumpy and out of sorts, the first thing that goes is the comforting feeling of certainty. My deeply ingrained reaction to the loss of certainty is to replace it as quickly as possible--if not with certainty, with something that gives me the illusion of certainty. For me, obviously--it's always been food.

Of course, it's only an illusion of certainty. A bag of double cheeseburgers never gave me peaceful certainty in the middle of turbulent times. It only gave me an illusion of certainty within the amount of time it successfully distracted me from the reality at hand. After the distraction, the uncertainty remained--but worse; compounded with self-loathing over the binge.

One of the biggest realizations for me was found in taking responsibility for my part in creating uncertainties. It's the, my own worst enemy deal. I don't create every uncertainty in my life, but I've certainly been responsible for a good share. Being mindful of my behavior and actions and how they can potentially upset my balance of certainty is a critical awareness to maintain each and every day. 

Nobody is immune to this certainty dynamic. How does anyone like me get through the loss or weakened state of uncertainty without taking a tour of every drive-through in the area?

In my opinion, it comes down to the ability to compartmentalize certainty. And doing that requires taking a personal inventory of things we're grateful for in our lives. In this exploration--this inventory, we can find certainty where we weren't looking. And then we can believe that all is not lost because we have something, several things, perhaps, that are certain in our lives. Instead of feeling like everything is total chaos--we can find peace in some areas and that helps us deal with the uncertainty in other areas.

My gratitude list is long and that helps my uncertainty list feel a little shorter.

There will always be issues upsetting the balance of certainty. Serenity, right? God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can,
and wisdom to know the difference. Things I cannot change--things out of my control create a measure of uncertainty. Courage to change the things I can create measures of certainty.

I've written before about the importance of keeping my lifestream and fundamental elements stream running parallel and not letting them cross. Losing certainty in certain areas can create turbulence within the streams. When the forces of uncertainty are pressed and we're holding our fundamental elements stream steady, it's not easy. Dropping the fundamental elements stream, effectively allowing the lifestream to come crashing down across, might seem like a very natural thing to do--and considering the circumstances, we sometimes experience, it might also seem completely excusable.

But why would I drop something I'm immensely grateful for having in my life, especially in exchange for the chaos and uncertainty of whatever we're passing through at the moment?

In keeping steady the things for which I'm most grateful and finding the certainty in the things I can, it will only help me in dealing with the uncertainty of most anything else. The illusions of the contrary will not fool me into believing otherwise.  
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My morning foundation routine is complete, my food is planned and packed for breakfast and lunch, and I'm about to walk out the door into my Thursday. Before I go...

Another 8-week session of the private support group I facilitate starts next week. The opportunity to join our group comes around once every two months. We only have a couple of openings this time. If you have interest and questions, email me right away and I'll reply with answers to your questions: transformation.road@gmail.com 

Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Practice, peace, and calm,
Sean

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