Sunday, January 13, 2013
Our Most Powerful Thoughts
Our Most Powerful Thoughts
I've spent a bunch of time in the past day or so catching up on emails and messages. I sincerely appreciate the amazing outpouring of support. Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to write me a message. One of the biggest questions I've received lately is "How do I get back/find the mindset I need?"
When I started struggling again seven months ago---It terrified me. I started focusing on so many negative thoughts... "I can't gain back weight" "If I continue this destruction I'm nothing but a fraud" "I can't seem to regulate my emotional eating anymore" "I know exactly what I need to do but I still choose not to do it..."
Our thoughts and feelings become our reality. Even when our thoughts and feelings are pleading to run contrary to the negative--the negative reinforcement is powerful.... and if we're not careful and mindful---These self-defeating thoughts will take us back to places we once thought were forever in the past.
Making it a priority to re-frame our thoughts into positive affirmations is paramount to regaining control. The most powerful advice I can give has little to do with food and exercise and everything to do with our thoughts. What messages are we feeding ourselves? Are they positive and empowering or fearful and defeating?
We get back whatever we choose to focus on the most. You've heard "You get what you give," and believe me, it's very true.
My little brother Shane was terrified of walking on ice covered sidewalks. He was so focused on his fear of falling, he actually attracted more falls. He would fall with every attempt. It came to a point that, if there was ice on the sidewalks, he was inside until it was gone completely. One day Shane and I planned to go out for lunch. I knew there was ice on the ground---but I decided to help him as much as possible, and take as long as we needed to get him in the car. I had ice melt ready to spread in front of his every step. When I pulled up--my phone rang and I answered. It was work calling, and I was distracted... As I continued my conversation, I witnessed Shane do something miraculous...
He walked with confidence from his front door to the car, opened the door and got inside the car without any hesitation or help from me. He didn't realize we received a coating of ice overnight. He thought it was simply wet. His mind was convinced this was just a wet sidewalk--not a sheet of ice. His focus was unimpeded. His intention was to get into the car, and he walked without fear and did just that. I was stunned. And when I told Shane what he had done, he was stunned too. I walked ahead of Shane the rest of the day, spreading ice melt wherever he stepped. But I'll never forget the powerful lesson he taught me.
The law of attraction is real and powerful. And you can use it to your advantage. The mindset you're looking for exists inside you. This is the biggest battle. It's us--our thoughts and feelings.
The sacredness of the limits you set...The "no-excuses" workout policy...All is affected by the thoughts we're allowing.
For me, I know emotional eating and how it can snowball. And if I allow, it's devastating to everything I hold precious.
Food's job isn't to comfort me and my emotions. I must deal directly with my emotions instead of stuffing them away with a temporary escape.
I am once again dealing with my emotions differently. My desires, my dreams, my losing this extra weight I've gained back--It's all a matter of time now. I've decided and it's happening.
And I know--Choosing what will be my dominant thoughts is just as important as choosing what I'll eat and how I'll exercise today.
Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Friday, January 11, 2013
A Real Good Day
A Real Good Day
Friday was a great day. It was non-stop busy and at the same time awesome. The medicines prescribed me have made a major difference, mostly good, some not so good. The steroid pill, I'm pretty sure was the culprit in keeping me awake Thursday night. Even the cough syrup couldn't counteract the effect of the steroid pill. Despite only four and a half hours sleep, I made Friday fabulous.
I had a speaking event at 12:30pm for a local community service civic organization. The room was packed and although I carried some nerves into the event (I always do), it turned out to be a wonderful experience. It was shorter than usual, only 20 minutes plus Q&A after, followed by signing books. Every time I do one of these events, the passion is refreshed within me. And although I've talked about my life and transformation to groups of people numerous times, I still get a touch emotional in the same places along the way. An additional element of the presentation has included my recent struggles and re-gaining. After the event, after books were signed and everyone was leaving--I was approached by one of the attendees who asked "How have you stopped the slide?"
I told her about the incredible support system of friends far and near, like you--reading this post. I told her about how once you've reached a point of truth so deep into recovery, it's simply impossible to forget. Obviously it's not impossible to ignore, to stray--but the universal truths never change. And understanding that getting realigned with the truth is truly a matter of life and death, it becomes a priority again. And then I told her about some of the powerful messages I've received and continue to receive from people far and near. I told her how these messages touch me, how I understand what they're going through and how deeply moved I am when they express gratitude to me for helping them in some way. It's an awesome responsibility and one that I cherish always--and although I'm taking care for my own personal health and well being, doing this for me--I also do this for others. That's important to me. I want to be another positive example (and there have been many before me), a resource of hope and inspiration to anyone dreaming of a life free from the mental and physical restraints of morbid obesity. Returning to 500 pounds would only be an option if I didn't care about anything or anyone, or did care but chose to ignore and suppress the feelings all the way back up the scale. I care. I refuse to ignore or suppress this feeling. And I can't turn it off. This is what I was meant to do with my life and I fully believe this to be my personal truth.
I made my way back to the studio after the event and finished my broadcasting duties. It was getting late in the afternoon and I was getting hungry. I had a filling breakfast and a small lunch, so when I pulled away from work I was immediately thinking about dinner. I had to go grocery shopping. And I was going to do it while hungry. That's usually not a very good idea.
One of the things I noticed about this day is how the errant thoughts--you know, the ones suggesting choices better left ignored, were totally gone. Battling these type of negative-bad-choice loaded thoughts is something I've had to do a bunch over the last seven months and of course, as you know--I've lost some battles along the way. But on this day, it was as if those thoughts surrendered, taking with them one of the most challenging aspects of my recovery. I'm not saying they're gone for good, I'd be a fool to believe that, but I can say I felt incredibly empowered, overwhelmed with a sense of purpose, pride and passion.
Back at the store parking lot and feeling hungry, I approached with caution. Not letting my guard down, I made a strategic grocery shopping decision: I would hand-carry my selections. I was simply after ingredients for dinner and Saturday morning breakfast, both meals for one--just me. There wasn't a reason good enough to convince me I needed a basket. The items are pictured below. The best photo wasn't snapped--it would have been of me trying to keep everything from crashing to the floor. This strategy worked very well. There wasn't anything I grabbed that I didn't need. I made it out of there safely and feeling even better about this state of mind dominating my Friday.
I've had moments the last seven months, so off, so dark--that now that I'm emerging from the darkness, so to speak, I still question the origins of the good. I felt positively high on life. Was it the medicine? The steroids are messing with me, huh? Or is it simply a renewed confidence, a refreshed perspective and a re-framing of where I've been and where I'm headed?
I'm getting comfortable again with my food choices. I have learned a lot about myself along this road and some of them I've talked about from the very beginning. Like one of my most important goals: To become someone who eats normal portions at appropriate times. To become someone who doesn't automatically turn to food for comfort and numbing of emotions. These goals have evolved to include becoming someone who eats better, healthier selections at all times, regardless of circumstances and the issues of the day. This isn't a temporary deal. This is for life. My pursuit isn't about perfection, it's about making the choices best for me at any given time with special consideration and attention on my personal food profile, if you will.
I'm looking forward to the coming days as I return to 100% health wise. I also look forward to once again watching the scale go back down with consistency. I'll be weighing every two weeks, just as I did originally--and of course I'll be sharing those numbers along the way.
Thank you for reading and for your support. Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Some pictures from Friday and Saturday morning:
The single green apple almost threw it all out of balance. The eggs--I clutched them like a football player with a ball. I wasn't losing the eggs!
This isn't a recipe of any sort--Just an experiment. And it was okay, very good actually--even though it didn't come out looking like I had envisioned...
Saturday morning breakfast. I love making a giant omelet and then marveling at the calorie value. I used mushrooms, red onions and green peppers--one whole egg and three egg whites for a big, filling breakfast and still, the entire omelet checked in at a low 140. I didn't use cheese this time, that helped keep it low. The green apple and some left over pineapple chunks rounded out this wonderful breakfast!
Friday was a great day. It was non-stop busy and at the same time awesome. The medicines prescribed me have made a major difference, mostly good, some not so good. The steroid pill, I'm pretty sure was the culprit in keeping me awake Thursday night. Even the cough syrup couldn't counteract the effect of the steroid pill. Despite only four and a half hours sleep, I made Friday fabulous.
I had a speaking event at 12:30pm for a local community service civic organization. The room was packed and although I carried some nerves into the event (I always do), it turned out to be a wonderful experience. It was shorter than usual, only 20 minutes plus Q&A after, followed by signing books. Every time I do one of these events, the passion is refreshed within me. And although I've talked about my life and transformation to groups of people numerous times, I still get a touch emotional in the same places along the way. An additional element of the presentation has included my recent struggles and re-gaining. After the event, after books were signed and everyone was leaving--I was approached by one of the attendees who asked "How have you stopped the slide?"
I told her about the incredible support system of friends far and near, like you--reading this post. I told her about how once you've reached a point of truth so deep into recovery, it's simply impossible to forget. Obviously it's not impossible to ignore, to stray--but the universal truths never change. And understanding that getting realigned with the truth is truly a matter of life and death, it becomes a priority again. And then I told her about some of the powerful messages I've received and continue to receive from people far and near. I told her how these messages touch me, how I understand what they're going through and how deeply moved I am when they express gratitude to me for helping them in some way. It's an awesome responsibility and one that I cherish always--and although I'm taking care for my own personal health and well being, doing this for me--I also do this for others. That's important to me. I want to be another positive example (and there have been many before me), a resource of hope and inspiration to anyone dreaming of a life free from the mental and physical restraints of morbid obesity. Returning to 500 pounds would only be an option if I didn't care about anything or anyone, or did care but chose to ignore and suppress the feelings all the way back up the scale. I care. I refuse to ignore or suppress this feeling. And I can't turn it off. This is what I was meant to do with my life and I fully believe this to be my personal truth.
I made my way back to the studio after the event and finished my broadcasting duties. It was getting late in the afternoon and I was getting hungry. I had a filling breakfast and a small lunch, so when I pulled away from work I was immediately thinking about dinner. I had to go grocery shopping. And I was going to do it while hungry. That's usually not a very good idea.
One of the things I noticed about this day is how the errant thoughts--you know, the ones suggesting choices better left ignored, were totally gone. Battling these type of negative-bad-choice loaded thoughts is something I've had to do a bunch over the last seven months and of course, as you know--I've lost some battles along the way. But on this day, it was as if those thoughts surrendered, taking with them one of the most challenging aspects of my recovery. I'm not saying they're gone for good, I'd be a fool to believe that, but I can say I felt incredibly empowered, overwhelmed with a sense of purpose, pride and passion.
Back at the store parking lot and feeling hungry, I approached with caution. Not letting my guard down, I made a strategic grocery shopping decision: I would hand-carry my selections. I was simply after ingredients for dinner and Saturday morning breakfast, both meals for one--just me. There wasn't a reason good enough to convince me I needed a basket. The items are pictured below. The best photo wasn't snapped--it would have been of me trying to keep everything from crashing to the floor. This strategy worked very well. There wasn't anything I grabbed that I didn't need. I made it out of there safely and feeling even better about this state of mind dominating my Friday.
I've had moments the last seven months, so off, so dark--that now that I'm emerging from the darkness, so to speak, I still question the origins of the good. I felt positively high on life. Was it the medicine? The steroids are messing with me, huh? Or is it simply a renewed confidence, a refreshed perspective and a re-framing of where I've been and where I'm headed?
I'm getting comfortable again with my food choices. I have learned a lot about myself along this road and some of them I've talked about from the very beginning. Like one of my most important goals: To become someone who eats normal portions at appropriate times. To become someone who doesn't automatically turn to food for comfort and numbing of emotions. These goals have evolved to include becoming someone who eats better, healthier selections at all times, regardless of circumstances and the issues of the day. This isn't a temporary deal. This is for life. My pursuit isn't about perfection, it's about making the choices best for me at any given time with special consideration and attention on my personal food profile, if you will.
I'm looking forward to the coming days as I return to 100% health wise. I also look forward to once again watching the scale go back down with consistency. I'll be weighing every two weeks, just as I did originally--and of course I'll be sharing those numbers along the way.
Thank you for reading and for your support. Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Some pictures from Friday and Saturday morning:
The single green apple almost threw it all out of balance. The eggs--I clutched them like a football player with a ball. I wasn't losing the eggs!
This isn't a recipe of any sort--Just an experiment. And it was okay, very good actually--even though it didn't come out looking like I had envisioned...
Saturday morning breakfast. I love making a giant omelet and then marveling at the calorie value. I used mushrooms, red onions and green peppers--one whole egg and three egg whites for a big, filling breakfast and still, the entire omelet checked in at a low 140. I didn't use cheese this time, that helped keep it low. The green apple and some left over pineapple chunks rounded out this wonderful breakfast!
Thursday, January 10, 2013
That's The Cough Syrup Talking
That's The Cough Syrup Talking
Me: I haven't been sick like this in years. I can't remember the last time.
Long time friend: This is like "fat Sean sick."
Me: Yeah, it's been that long, sure has.
This conversation has been on my mind all day. And it's not what I want on my mind. And still, I've chosen to allow it to bother me. Has gaining back nearly 60 pounds weakened my immune system? Do you see what I do to myself? I know it's raised my blood pressure. At and around 230--for a year and a half--never sick. Gain nearly 60, sick twice in the last couple months. You know what? This isn't productive, this train of thought. There's silver linings and a wonderful future to think about. Like "fat Sean sick," I keep thinking about it. He (my friend) didn't mean anything bad by it, it was simply an observation. 500 pound Sean was sick all the time. 500 pound Sean probably missed a month or more of work a year. If not a month, pretty close I'm sure. Anyway... What about those silver linings...
Enough of that garbage.
The good news is, I feel better. The 2nd trip to the doctor was a great idea. Oh--I didn't share that here did I? Yes, Wednesday I made it to work--and made it home even worse than before. I tried to nap Wednesday afternoon but the throat pain accompanied by headache and nausea wasn't letting me sleep. My over the counter plan (suggested at my first doctors visit) wasn't working. Late afternoon (Wednesday) I decided to return to the doctor. This time it was a different doctor, a PA actually. She was good--she immediately recognized a sinus infection and seemed to understand exactly what I needed. I needed my throat to stop hurting. Hurting to swallow is expected with a sore throat, but hurting to breathe and laugh? That's super sore. She prescribed an antibiotic, a steroid and the best--worst tasting prescription strength cough syrup with narcotic pain killer in the mix. Three prescriptions later and I'm doing much better. My throat pain is gone. And that's a big one for me.
It's a good thing I'm hardly ever sick, because I'll admit--I'm a BIG BABY.
Let's discuss healthy stuff, like exercise...
The Sean that's super hard on himself: You realize you haven't had a good workout all week?
Me: I've been sick?
The Sean that's super hard on himself: Yeah yeah, whatever...And you wonder why you've only lost one pound in recent weeks.
Me: I hadn't mentioned that yet.
The Sean that's super hard on himself: Well, what are you waiting for?
Me: I was getting to it. I thought I would talk about my walk tonight first.
The Sean that's super hard on himself: You mean that little two mile stroll in the park?
Me: You're not good for me. It wasn't little. I've been sick. Two miles outside was enough tonight. It's cold and damp out there...honestly, I shouldn't have been out there to begin with...
Okay--enough of that nonsense.
It was a conversation like this that led me to the trail tonight in the first place. I made it a couple miles and called it good. It wasn't my best, but I'm not feeling my best. It was good for me, right now. Good for me tonight.
Yesterday at 5:40am I was standing on the scale inside the locker room at our local YMCA. It's one of those balance scales. I know these are supposed to be the best, but I prefer a digital readout. I'm seriously contemplating driving every two weeks to the health department in Stillwater just for the trusty digital scales I used during the first three quarters of my initial weight loss. I'm not complaining because I lost 1 pound. I'll take it. I'm okay. I was expecting a few more actually--and I'll get them, they're coming off. No worries. For now, at this moment--I weigh 288. I don't like that at all.
I stopped at the post office today to ship a few orders from my website and I ran into someone who's known me for some time. She asked how I was doing--and of course I immediately thought she had recognized weight gain--and so naturally I start explaining---"well, yeah---I've gained some, 59 pounds and..." And she interrupted me and asked... "Really? I hadn't noticed. You still look great." Now--I'm not sure if she was being nice or if she just didn't pay close enough attention before...or maybe I feel and notice it more than anyone. There's a noticeable difference. I've had a couple people come right out and say it... So I know it's noticeable. 59 pounds--well, now 58...Is noticeable. I'm lucky I'm 6'3 and carry my weight as well as I do. By the way-- I did say thank you to the nice lady at the post office. (even if I didn't fully believe her)
Tomorrow I'll be doing what I love to do: Speaking to a group of people about weight loss and all of the dynamics I've discovered and continue to discover along the way. I'll be speaking of success, struggle and the balance we find along the way. I'll be speaking of this blog and my book too and how sharing my life so openly has helped me while at the same time, challenged me.
Next Saturday I'll be traveling to a speaking event at the Hard Rock Hotel in Tulsa where I'll be speaking to a conference of doctors. I'll be giving them my experience, philosophies and insight on obesity and weight loss. It'll be an interesting experience, I'm sure! I'm truly honored to be invited to their big conference!
I haven't been doing my metabolism any favors the last several days. I've come in under budget because I simply haven't felt like eating. Lots of eggs, soup and jello. Easy stuff. I'll be back to feeling like me again 100% in a day or two, maybe three tops as I continue to take this arsenal of medication.
I better call it a night. Thank you for reading...goodnight and, (if you think this post is loopy--I blame the cough syrup)
Good Choices,
Sean
Me: I haven't been sick like this in years. I can't remember the last time.
Long time friend: This is like "fat Sean sick."
Me: Yeah, it's been that long, sure has.
This conversation has been on my mind all day. And it's not what I want on my mind. And still, I've chosen to allow it to bother me. Has gaining back nearly 60 pounds weakened my immune system? Do you see what I do to myself? I know it's raised my blood pressure. At and around 230--for a year and a half--never sick. Gain nearly 60, sick twice in the last couple months. You know what? This isn't productive, this train of thought. There's silver linings and a wonderful future to think about. Like "fat Sean sick," I keep thinking about it. He (my friend) didn't mean anything bad by it, it was simply an observation. 500 pound Sean was sick all the time. 500 pound Sean probably missed a month or more of work a year. If not a month, pretty close I'm sure. Anyway... What about those silver linings...
Enough of that garbage.
The good news is, I feel better. The 2nd trip to the doctor was a great idea. Oh--I didn't share that here did I? Yes, Wednesday I made it to work--and made it home even worse than before. I tried to nap Wednesday afternoon but the throat pain accompanied by headache and nausea wasn't letting me sleep. My over the counter plan (suggested at my first doctors visit) wasn't working. Late afternoon (Wednesday) I decided to return to the doctor. This time it was a different doctor, a PA actually. She was good--she immediately recognized a sinus infection and seemed to understand exactly what I needed. I needed my throat to stop hurting. Hurting to swallow is expected with a sore throat, but hurting to breathe and laugh? That's super sore. She prescribed an antibiotic, a steroid and the best--worst tasting prescription strength cough syrup with narcotic pain killer in the mix. Three prescriptions later and I'm doing much better. My throat pain is gone. And that's a big one for me.
It's a good thing I'm hardly ever sick, because I'll admit--I'm a BIG BABY.
Let's discuss healthy stuff, like exercise...
The Sean that's super hard on himself: You realize you haven't had a good workout all week?
Me: I've been sick?
The Sean that's super hard on himself: Yeah yeah, whatever...And you wonder why you've only lost one pound in recent weeks.
Me: I hadn't mentioned that yet.
The Sean that's super hard on himself: Well, what are you waiting for?
Me: I was getting to it. I thought I would talk about my walk tonight first.
The Sean that's super hard on himself: You mean that little two mile stroll in the park?
Me: You're not good for me. It wasn't little. I've been sick. Two miles outside was enough tonight. It's cold and damp out there...honestly, I shouldn't have been out there to begin with...
Okay--enough of that nonsense.
It was a conversation like this that led me to the trail tonight in the first place. I made it a couple miles and called it good. It wasn't my best, but I'm not feeling my best. It was good for me, right now. Good for me tonight.
Yesterday at 5:40am I was standing on the scale inside the locker room at our local YMCA. It's one of those balance scales. I know these are supposed to be the best, but I prefer a digital readout. I'm seriously contemplating driving every two weeks to the health department in Stillwater just for the trusty digital scales I used during the first three quarters of my initial weight loss. I'm not complaining because I lost 1 pound. I'll take it. I'm okay. I was expecting a few more actually--and I'll get them, they're coming off. No worries. For now, at this moment--I weigh 288. I don't like that at all.
I stopped at the post office today to ship a few orders from my website and I ran into someone who's known me for some time. She asked how I was doing--and of course I immediately thought she had recognized weight gain--and so naturally I start explaining---"well, yeah---I've gained some, 59 pounds and..." And she interrupted me and asked... "Really? I hadn't noticed. You still look great." Now--I'm not sure if she was being nice or if she just didn't pay close enough attention before...or maybe I feel and notice it more than anyone. There's a noticeable difference. I've had a couple people come right out and say it... So I know it's noticeable. 59 pounds--well, now 58...Is noticeable. I'm lucky I'm 6'3 and carry my weight as well as I do. By the way-- I did say thank you to the nice lady at the post office. (even if I didn't fully believe her)
Tomorrow I'll be doing what I love to do: Speaking to a group of people about weight loss and all of the dynamics I've discovered and continue to discover along the way. I'll be speaking of success, struggle and the balance we find along the way. I'll be speaking of this blog and my book too and how sharing my life so openly has helped me while at the same time, challenged me.
Next Saturday I'll be traveling to a speaking event at the Hard Rock Hotel in Tulsa where I'll be speaking to a conference of doctors. I'll be giving them my experience, philosophies and insight on obesity and weight loss. It'll be an interesting experience, I'm sure! I'm truly honored to be invited to their big conference!
I haven't been doing my metabolism any favors the last several days. I've come in under budget because I simply haven't felt like eating. Lots of eggs, soup and jello. Easy stuff. I'll be back to feeling like me again 100% in a day or two, maybe three tops as I continue to take this arsenal of medication.
I better call it a night. Thank you for reading...goodnight and, (if you think this post is loopy--I blame the cough syrup)
Good Choices,
Sean
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
A Good Sick Day
A Good Sick Day
Today was another sick day for me. But it was a good day. I thoroughly medicated my sore throat with plenty of Cepacol Lozenges and hot honey-lemon tea. I had eggs, chicken soup with extra chicken and jello today. I may not have had enough calories, in fact, I'm sure I didn't. I was sticking with what I had on hand and what wouldn't be too rough on my sore throat.
I'll once again face the scales tomorrow morning. I've had a couple of days to reflect on the past four years and you know what? I'm okay with whatever the scale says. Considering I've had a decent string of days food wise, it might even be down a few pounds.
I'm very lucky to have experienced all I have along this road. I've learned so much in the past four years, and combined with incredible support, I'm in a much better position now than it might have been otherwise.
I could have just stayed astray and quickly returned to over 500 pounds, instead of gaining back only 59 of 275. I'm very fortunate. Oh--it very well could have happened, it does all the time. But I have many friends, much support and I've learned too much along this road to ever go back. I once heard a recovered drug addict say "recovery is a buzz kill." I get that completely. These truths we see can't be unseen. They can be ignored, and still they're always there asserting themselves even more when we try to go the opposite way. It's great news for people like me. It's a very good thing.
I'm a little behind on returning facebook messages and emails sent to sean@transformationroad.com If you've recently sent one, please know I'll be replying very soon, and thank you for sending it my way and for your patience.
I've been taking this time to quietly assess where I am, where I want to go and what I'm going to do to get there. And I can tell you, I'm full of some exciting ideas. Some short term, some long. And all supported and made possible by my continued recovery...and the bottom line is, that's the most important thing... My recovery.
I've proven I can maintain when everything is sailing along beautifully. Learning to take the curves of life and still maintain control, is a practice; a pursuit of emotional balance. It's often been said that when we take care of our inside, the outside takes care of itself. I believe that. I've lived it. I've ignored it. And I'm living it again.
I must get some good sleep tonight. I hope you do too.
Thank you for reading, goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Today was another sick day for me. But it was a good day. I thoroughly medicated my sore throat with plenty of Cepacol Lozenges and hot honey-lemon tea. I had eggs, chicken soup with extra chicken and jello today. I may not have had enough calories, in fact, I'm sure I didn't. I was sticking with what I had on hand and what wouldn't be too rough on my sore throat.
I'll once again face the scales tomorrow morning. I've had a couple of days to reflect on the past four years and you know what? I'm okay with whatever the scale says. Considering I've had a decent string of days food wise, it might even be down a few pounds.
I'm very lucky to have experienced all I have along this road. I've learned so much in the past four years, and combined with incredible support, I'm in a much better position now than it might have been otherwise.
I could have just stayed astray and quickly returned to over 500 pounds, instead of gaining back only 59 of 275. I'm very fortunate. Oh--it very well could have happened, it does all the time. But I have many friends, much support and I've learned too much along this road to ever go back. I once heard a recovered drug addict say "recovery is a buzz kill." I get that completely. These truths we see can't be unseen. They can be ignored, and still they're always there asserting themselves even more when we try to go the opposite way. It's great news for people like me. It's a very good thing.
I'm a little behind on returning facebook messages and emails sent to sean@transformationroad.com If you've recently sent one, please know I'll be replying very soon, and thank you for sending it my way and for your patience.
I've been taking this time to quietly assess where I am, where I want to go and what I'm going to do to get there. And I can tell you, I'm full of some exciting ideas. Some short term, some long. And all supported and made possible by my continued recovery...and the bottom line is, that's the most important thing... My recovery.
I've proven I can maintain when everything is sailing along beautifully. Learning to take the curves of life and still maintain control, is a practice; a pursuit of emotional balance. It's often been said that when we take care of our inside, the outside takes care of itself. I believe that. I've lived it. I've ignored it. And I'm living it again.
I must get some good sleep tonight. I hope you do too.
Thank you for reading, goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Monday, January 7, 2013
A Calm Reflection
A Calm Reflection
I'm sipping my warm Natural Calm and reading a few blogs before I turn in for the night.
I awoke this morning with a painful sore throat, the worst I've had in years. I quickly called in backup to do my morning radio show. A sore throat to someone who talks for a living isn't good. I eventually made it to the doctor and found it wasn't strep. The doctor concluded sinus drainage the culprit. He suggested over the counter remedies.
I've stayed in all day and had plenty of time to think about where I am and what I'm doing and have been doing lately. I have been very hard on myself. And as much as I talk about putting the past behind and moving forward, it's clear that I've been doing the opposite.
So, not another word about the past 7 months from me.
I've said it from the very beginning, my goal--my truest desire, is to become someone who eats normal portions at appropriate times. To be someone who doesn't turn to food for emotional comfort. To be someone who takes care of himself and puts some careful thoughts into the choices and actions becoming me.
Getting reconnected with my blog and your support has been a wonderful choice. This blog isn't an outlet for self-abuse, where I pick a-part every single move I make. I know what I want and I'm making it so. I was going through some of my old notes and posts today and I immediately came across "This isn't about perfection. Pursuit of perfection is a detour to insanity. This is about living and learning, and applying the lessons along the way." Selective forgetting is sometimes so very easy.
I'll never forget certain things, though. I've been blessed with many wonderful experiences along this road. It's been beautiful in many ways. I'm very lucky, very blessed.
Today was a good day for reflection and healing. This Natural Calm feels so good on my throat...wow...Very nice.
Today was good. And I sincerely thank you for the wonderful support.
Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
I'm sipping my warm Natural Calm and reading a few blogs before I turn in for the night.
I awoke this morning with a painful sore throat, the worst I've had in years. I quickly called in backup to do my morning radio show. A sore throat to someone who talks for a living isn't good. I eventually made it to the doctor and found it wasn't strep. The doctor concluded sinus drainage the culprit. He suggested over the counter remedies.
I've stayed in all day and had plenty of time to think about where I am and what I'm doing and have been doing lately. I have been very hard on myself. And as much as I talk about putting the past behind and moving forward, it's clear that I've been doing the opposite.
So, not another word about the past 7 months from me.
I've said it from the very beginning, my goal--my truest desire, is to become someone who eats normal portions at appropriate times. To be someone who doesn't turn to food for emotional comfort. To be someone who takes care of himself and puts some careful thoughts into the choices and actions becoming me.
Getting reconnected with my blog and your support has been a wonderful choice. This blog isn't an outlet for self-abuse, where I pick a-part every single move I make. I know what I want and I'm making it so. I was going through some of my old notes and posts today and I immediately came across "This isn't about perfection. Pursuit of perfection is a detour to insanity. This is about living and learning, and applying the lessons along the way." Selective forgetting is sometimes so very easy.
I'll never forget certain things, though. I've been blessed with many wonderful experiences along this road. It's been beautiful in many ways. I'm very lucky, very blessed.
Today was a good day for reflection and healing. This Natural Calm feels so good on my throat...wow...Very nice.
Today was good. And I sincerely thank you for the wonderful support.
Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Sunday, January 6, 2013
My Happiness and Well Being Isn't Found In Food
My Happiness and Well Being Isn't Found In Food
It took me all of four days to miss posting about a day. I could write it and back date it, but no--I'll simply move forward. The challenges I'm facing are crucial for me to process and fully appreciate. And believe me, I'm processing and appreciating everything. I haven't gone off the deep end. I'm staying in shallow water where it's relatively safe. I'm also keeping in mind that it's possible to drown in shallow water if one isn't careful. I'm being very careful.
My encounter with pizza on Friday really left me feeling horrible. I'm okay. It's over. I'm moving forward. There isn't an excuse to justify reaching for a slice. Could an alcoholic say, "well, I was tired--exhausted really, and I didn't bring any water or tea, so I just didn't feel like resisting the vodka?" No.
Janis nailed it in the comment section:
"I'm ready to say you need to ditch pizza for the foreseeable future, just to make things easier on yourself. If you don't currently feel up to making the judgment calls necessary to handle it wisely, then go easy on yourself and step away for a bit. And don't rationalize it with "but I need to prove to myself that I'm in control" or any of that b*llsh*t, either. That's not you, that's the monkey on your back trying to talk you into a game of chicken that you'll lose. Coping with pizza in moderation worked for you for a while, but it's not working now so I'd recommend you just say "no" and put in on the shelf. Maybe after you get a handle on the sleep sitch you can, but clearly now is not that time."
I agree Janis, 100%
The rules have changed for me.
When I was over 500 pounds I received a bunch of advise about what I needed to do to lose weight. Changing everything overnight was a popular suggestion. I instinctively knew it would have been a temporary diversion from who I am--changing the outside actions, without changing the inner workings. I couldn't see myself waking up one morning and being something I'd never known. The inside stuff is most important and the route I chose was one that would "simplify the process--giving me time to work on the mental aspects--the inside stuff."
The approach I found success with, was one of moderation, where "nothing was off limits" as long as it fit into my calorie bank. I took great pride in declaring things like "I had ice cream and lasagna today and I'm losing weight!" And the focus was clearly on the mental dynamics backed up with tremendous support online and all around me. I threw away the rule book and boldly proceeded and succeeded despite making choices with only one qualifier: Does it fit into my budget?
I found success. And then I started hearing from a bunch of others who were having similar success with their own Calorie Bank and Trust. Steel Curtain Zones started going up and there wasn't anything stopping us! 100 pounds lost, 200 pounds--it was thrilling...I was so happy for them. Then, occasionally--I would receive emails from people who experienced tremendous success and then lost the control, and eventually regained the weight. Some didn't gain it all back, others did and more. I would be supportive, saying things like-- "You can do this--get back to the basics, set your budget--make it life or death, because it is...and don't give up, okay? Never give up."
It wasn't until I started struggling seven months ago that I fully realized and appreciated what was happening. After hitting goal, I started to maintain by simply being reasonable with my portions, continuing to exercise and staying as mentally strong as possible. I no longer maintained a strict calorie budget, opting instead to eyeball with reason and experience. As long as I kept myself surrounded with people and in a positive mindset, I was fine. But then I started hitting walls emotionally...
The self-destruct mode, the one I thought was put to rest with my "steel curtain zone" and arsenal of new "mix tapes," came roaring back. Soon, through my own actions, I found myself alone and depressed. I was listening to all kinds of horrible things about myself...thoughts I created, were constantly playing. This wasn't how it was supposed to go! If we become our predominant thoughts, and we do--I was in serious trouble. I was. Suddenly, once again I was medicating my emotions with food. Now, even more challenging--was constantly trying to pull myself out of the slide because, "I'm Sean Anderson, dang it, I can't do this!" I would experience a few good days followed by several horrible days, then good---then bad again. Well, I am Sean Anderson. And I'm human. And I'm a food addict. And yes I can slide. I'm not immune from anything. How incredibly ridiculous of me to consider otherwise.
For someone who truly isn't a food addict, the Calorie Bank and Trust really doesn't need any modification when combined with the natural desire to eat better, more wholesome foods along the way. After all, it's simply portion control. For someone like me, it does need modifications.
I've often talked about and written about how we have to learn about ourselves along the way. As I lost weight I experienced new tastes emerging and desires of old fading. Suddenly certain fast food smells were enough to make me sick. Suddenly I started eating veggies I once wouldn't give a chance. But I needed to study a little closer.
Certain foods must be off limits for me. I didn't learn this while losing and maintaining, I learned this in my struggles. When I stripped the boundaries of reason and good choices away I discovered things about me and certain foods, I hadn't considered.
So now I know. Good.
I can still utilize my Calorie Bank and Trust, just not the "nothing is off limits" version. I know what's off limits for me. It's different for each of us, I'm sure. Similar, but different. How will this affect my life?
Isn't that the root of anxiety when it comes to saying something is off limits? Like we're not complete without certain things. Like we'll be living a deprived life? Baloney. Truth is, my life will be full and joyous even if I never again eat pizza from a box or deep fried Chinese chicken.
My happiness and well being isn't found in food. It's found in living a life more in tune spiritually, emotionally and physically. And those three things are all inside me, waiting to be fully explored and experienced. That is my mission. To practice these things. To understand more. To be okay. To encourage others by sharing the experience.
Because there's hope for us. Never give up. I'm not.
Thank you for reading, goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
It took me all of four days to miss posting about a day. I could write it and back date it, but no--I'll simply move forward. The challenges I'm facing are crucial for me to process and fully appreciate. And believe me, I'm processing and appreciating everything. I haven't gone off the deep end. I'm staying in shallow water where it's relatively safe. I'm also keeping in mind that it's possible to drown in shallow water if one isn't careful. I'm being very careful.
My encounter with pizza on Friday really left me feeling horrible. I'm okay. It's over. I'm moving forward. There isn't an excuse to justify reaching for a slice. Could an alcoholic say, "well, I was tired--exhausted really, and I didn't bring any water or tea, so I just didn't feel like resisting the vodka?" No.
Janis nailed it in the comment section:
"I'm ready to say you need to ditch pizza for the foreseeable future, just to make things easier on yourself. If you don't currently feel up to making the judgment calls necessary to handle it wisely, then go easy on yourself and step away for a bit. And don't rationalize it with "but I need to prove to myself that I'm in control" or any of that b*llsh*t, either. That's not you, that's the monkey on your back trying to talk you into a game of chicken that you'll lose. Coping with pizza in moderation worked for you for a while, but it's not working now so I'd recommend you just say "no" and put in on the shelf. Maybe after you get a handle on the sleep sitch you can, but clearly now is not that time."
I agree Janis, 100%
The rules have changed for me.
When I was over 500 pounds I received a bunch of advise about what I needed to do to lose weight. Changing everything overnight was a popular suggestion. I instinctively knew it would have been a temporary diversion from who I am--changing the outside actions, without changing the inner workings. I couldn't see myself waking up one morning and being something I'd never known. The inside stuff is most important and the route I chose was one that would "simplify the process--giving me time to work on the mental aspects--the inside stuff."
The approach I found success with, was one of moderation, where "nothing was off limits" as long as it fit into my calorie bank. I took great pride in declaring things like "I had ice cream and lasagna today and I'm losing weight!" And the focus was clearly on the mental dynamics backed up with tremendous support online and all around me. I threw away the rule book and boldly proceeded and succeeded despite making choices with only one qualifier: Does it fit into my budget?
I found success. And then I started hearing from a bunch of others who were having similar success with their own Calorie Bank and Trust. Steel Curtain Zones started going up and there wasn't anything stopping us! 100 pounds lost, 200 pounds--it was thrilling...I was so happy for them. Then, occasionally--I would receive emails from people who experienced tremendous success and then lost the control, and eventually regained the weight. Some didn't gain it all back, others did and more. I would be supportive, saying things like-- "You can do this--get back to the basics, set your budget--make it life or death, because it is...and don't give up, okay? Never give up."
It wasn't until I started struggling seven months ago that I fully realized and appreciated what was happening. After hitting goal, I started to maintain by simply being reasonable with my portions, continuing to exercise and staying as mentally strong as possible. I no longer maintained a strict calorie budget, opting instead to eyeball with reason and experience. As long as I kept myself surrounded with people and in a positive mindset, I was fine. But then I started hitting walls emotionally...
The self-destruct mode, the one I thought was put to rest with my "steel curtain zone" and arsenal of new "mix tapes," came roaring back. Soon, through my own actions, I found myself alone and depressed. I was listening to all kinds of horrible things about myself...thoughts I created, were constantly playing. This wasn't how it was supposed to go! If we become our predominant thoughts, and we do--I was in serious trouble. I was. Suddenly, once again I was medicating my emotions with food. Now, even more challenging--was constantly trying to pull myself out of the slide because, "I'm Sean Anderson, dang it, I can't do this!" I would experience a few good days followed by several horrible days, then good---then bad again. Well, I am Sean Anderson. And I'm human. And I'm a food addict. And yes I can slide. I'm not immune from anything. How incredibly ridiculous of me to consider otherwise.
For someone who truly isn't a food addict, the Calorie Bank and Trust really doesn't need any modification when combined with the natural desire to eat better, more wholesome foods along the way. After all, it's simply portion control. For someone like me, it does need modifications.
I've often talked about and written about how we have to learn about ourselves along the way. As I lost weight I experienced new tastes emerging and desires of old fading. Suddenly certain fast food smells were enough to make me sick. Suddenly I started eating veggies I once wouldn't give a chance. But I needed to study a little closer.
Certain foods must be off limits for me. I didn't learn this while losing and maintaining, I learned this in my struggles. When I stripped the boundaries of reason and good choices away I discovered things about me and certain foods, I hadn't considered.
So now I know. Good.
I can still utilize my Calorie Bank and Trust, just not the "nothing is off limits" version. I know what's off limits for me. It's different for each of us, I'm sure. Similar, but different. How will this affect my life?
Isn't that the root of anxiety when it comes to saying something is off limits? Like we're not complete without certain things. Like we'll be living a deprived life? Baloney. Truth is, my life will be full and joyous even if I never again eat pizza from a box or deep fried Chinese chicken.
My happiness and well being isn't found in food. It's found in living a life more in tune spiritually, emotionally and physically. And those three things are all inside me, waiting to be fully explored and experienced. That is my mission. To practice these things. To understand more. To be okay. To encourage others by sharing the experience.
Because there's hope for us. Never give up. I'm not.
Thank you for reading, goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Friday, January 4, 2013
Each Choice Affects The Next or The Pizza Rules
Each Choice Affects The Next or The Pizza Rules
I've shared about my struggles with sleep apnea and most recently with what seems to be central apnea. I'm learning through trial and error, ways that I can improve my quality of sleep despite the condition. Cutting out caffeine several hours before bed and simple breathing exercises before closing my eyes have helped considerably. Still, occasionally I have a night where I feel little rest. Thursday night was one of those nights. It made for a very challenging Friday. Feeling rested is a critical element to being my best. When I'm exhausted, all I can think about is wanting and needing sleep. In order to maintain the integrity of my calorie budget, I have to give extra special effort on a day like this.
I was a big mess after my radio show Friday morning. I sat in the production studio and stared blankly at my list of things I needed to accomplish, then I laid my head down and drifted off for a quick 10 minute nap. If I was to be productive in the least, the nap was necessary. I entertained the idea of going home and sleeping longer; better, then coming back to finish my workday. It was about this time I discovered I had a remote broadcast appearance scheduled from noon to two pm. I needed to make it several more hours before sleep was possible. I hurried home and somehow made myself presentable.
This broadcast came complete with free pizza to anyone and everyone. It was TOUGH. Had I felt better rested I would have had a much easier time resisting the free pizza. Had I planned better by bringing my own lunch, I would have had an easier time. The choices I made in my personal care were now affecting the food choices directly in front of me. I have certain rules about pizza: I don't eat it alone. I only eat thin crust veggie pizza. I don't seek out pizza. I only occasionally eat it as part of a social gathering of some kind. In other words: Devouring a pan pizza while alone in my apartment is NEVER acceptable. However, a piece or two of thin crust veggie among family, friends and/or colleagues, for me, is usually safe. Although I must admit, it's not very satisfying in the "calorie value" department. My best pizza experience is when I make my own low calorie pita pizzas at home. You probably know where I'm going with this...
I grabbed a piece of thin crust pepperoni and picked off the pepperonis. There was nothing even remotely satisfying about this choice. It didn't taste good because instead of fresh veggies it was topped with grease. But the worst part about this choice didn't have anything to do with the taste or calories spent. It was the psychological element of feeling defeated by the attraction, even when it honestly wasn't good.
I walked away from the broadcast analyzing my state of mind and the elements contributing to the choice. I wasn't being hard on myself at all. (I counted the small slice as 250 calories) I was simply acknowledging the influence of my choices going into the broadcast and how it affected my choice during. A few minor changes in preparation and I would have made the kind of choices empowering and propelling me toward success. Had I took the time to at least prepare a baggie of apple slices and baby carrots, enough to hold me over until later, I would have been better equipped to handle the temptation. Had I completely resisted the pizza table, the triumphant feeling of victory would have felt better than any pizza has ever tasted in my life.
It's okay. I'm okay.
I slept beautifully later in the afternoon before jumping up and joining Amber for her 23rd birthday party at her mom's house. I can't believe she's 23. Time passes so quickly.
The party presented more challenges as I relied more on portion control than careful selection. I'm still very much learning how to handle myself at gatherings where I'm not the one preparing the food.
By the time I made it back home I was once again exhausted. It was a very tough day. And the joy I wrote about in the January 3rd post was sacrificed a little bit tonight, as I opted for bed instead of writing and getting a workout complete.
I'm happy with myself though. I'm feeling a peace I haven't felt for some time. I'm confident in my abilities and the road ahead.
I'm okay. And I'm starting to better understand exactly what it means to be "okay."
Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
I've shared about my struggles with sleep apnea and most recently with what seems to be central apnea. I'm learning through trial and error, ways that I can improve my quality of sleep despite the condition. Cutting out caffeine several hours before bed and simple breathing exercises before closing my eyes have helped considerably. Still, occasionally I have a night where I feel little rest. Thursday night was one of those nights. It made for a very challenging Friday. Feeling rested is a critical element to being my best. When I'm exhausted, all I can think about is wanting and needing sleep. In order to maintain the integrity of my calorie budget, I have to give extra special effort on a day like this.
I was a big mess after my radio show Friday morning. I sat in the production studio and stared blankly at my list of things I needed to accomplish, then I laid my head down and drifted off for a quick 10 minute nap. If I was to be productive in the least, the nap was necessary. I entertained the idea of going home and sleeping longer; better, then coming back to finish my workday. It was about this time I discovered I had a remote broadcast appearance scheduled from noon to two pm. I needed to make it several more hours before sleep was possible. I hurried home and somehow made myself presentable.
This broadcast came complete with free pizza to anyone and everyone. It was TOUGH. Had I felt better rested I would have had a much easier time resisting the free pizza. Had I planned better by bringing my own lunch, I would have had an easier time. The choices I made in my personal care were now affecting the food choices directly in front of me. I have certain rules about pizza: I don't eat it alone. I only eat thin crust veggie pizza. I don't seek out pizza. I only occasionally eat it as part of a social gathering of some kind. In other words: Devouring a pan pizza while alone in my apartment is NEVER acceptable. However, a piece or two of thin crust veggie among family, friends and/or colleagues, for me, is usually safe. Although I must admit, it's not very satisfying in the "calorie value" department. My best pizza experience is when I make my own low calorie pita pizzas at home. You probably know where I'm going with this...
I grabbed a piece of thin crust pepperoni and picked off the pepperonis. There was nothing even remotely satisfying about this choice. It didn't taste good because instead of fresh veggies it was topped with grease. But the worst part about this choice didn't have anything to do with the taste or calories spent. It was the psychological element of feeling defeated by the attraction, even when it honestly wasn't good.
I walked away from the broadcast analyzing my state of mind and the elements contributing to the choice. I wasn't being hard on myself at all. (I counted the small slice as 250 calories) I was simply acknowledging the influence of my choices going into the broadcast and how it affected my choice during. A few minor changes in preparation and I would have made the kind of choices empowering and propelling me toward success. Had I took the time to at least prepare a baggie of apple slices and baby carrots, enough to hold me over until later, I would have been better equipped to handle the temptation. Had I completely resisted the pizza table, the triumphant feeling of victory would have felt better than any pizza has ever tasted in my life.
It's okay. I'm okay.
I slept beautifully later in the afternoon before jumping up and joining Amber for her 23rd birthday party at her mom's house. I can't believe she's 23. Time passes so quickly.
The party presented more challenges as I relied more on portion control than careful selection. I'm still very much learning how to handle myself at gatherings where I'm not the one preparing the food.
By the time I made it back home I was once again exhausted. It was a very tough day. And the joy I wrote about in the January 3rd post was sacrificed a little bit tonight, as I opted for bed instead of writing and getting a workout complete.
I'm happy with myself though. I'm feeling a peace I haven't felt for some time. I'm confident in my abilities and the road ahead.
I'm okay. And I'm starting to better understand exactly what it means to be "okay."
Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Thursday, January 3, 2013
A Familiar Feeling
A Familiar Feeling
This feeling is familiar. It's a good feeling. It's familiar because it's the same I felt when I first started losing weight successfully. It makes me smile before I go to sleep and it wakes me with an empowering attitude to do it again and again. This feeling only comes when I can honestly look myself in the mirror and know without doubt, I had a good day with food and exercise.
The element of experience has changed my personal rules and expectations, yet the feeling remains the same. It's the type of joy that transcends temporary negative circumstances while it magnifies my gratitude for the blessings all around me. Sure, I was in tooth pain...didn't matter, still joyous. Sure, my vehicle sits in a parking lot across town in need of repair, waiting for a mechanic to give me the price to ride again...doesn't matter, still joyous. Job stress, financial stress, relationship issues, spirituality challenges, all of these are no match for the joy and gratitude that becomes me when I'm walking the walk I talk.
And when I'm experiencing this feeling, it allows me to envision my spiritual, health, business and personal relationship dreams ten times easier. And you know, if we can see it, we can achieve it. When I first started losing weight I closed my eyes and envisioned my success all the time. There was rarely a day that passed that I didn't turn on the projector in my mind, revealing my ultimate goals in Technicolor-like detail. I honestly didn't do this with intent of it helping me do anything other than become more excited in the moment. I blindly stumbled upon the power of visualization.
I mentioned how my experiences have shaped and changed my personal rules and expectations, here's an example: I made an unexpected trip to one of our sister radio stations this morning. It was approaching 11am when I made the delivery and I was ready to return home. My breakfast was wearing off quickly by this point and I started to ponder my options. I entertained the idea of "grabbing something" in a drive-through. I know from experience that I could have found something to fit into my calorie budget, sure...But my personal rules and expectations have changed.
What was once acceptable for me, isn't anymore. Grabbing some fast food and eating it while driving isn't the quality experience I want. It worked for me before. I stayed within my calorie budget and I exercised, and despite my choices, the weight loss success happened. After watching several documentaries, including my favorite "Hungry For Change," I find myself desiring a cleaner way of eating. I'm not perfect and that's not the pursuit, really. I just want to feel better about my choices by assigning a value that goes beyond the calorie count.
I still stand behind my "nothing is off limits" approach from the early days of my transformation because had I tried to change everything overnight, I would have been overwhelmed quickly, setting myself up for failure. All good things in time. This awakening of late is part of my gradual evolution of good choices. I've said many times, the definition of "good choices" is different for each one of us and it changes as we change; as we evolve.
Social media helped me fight off the temptation of the drive-through today. I immediately sent my challenge out on Twitter with a declaration of resistance. It worked. The accountability factor strengthened my resolve instantly and I confidently drove away from Stillwater without a hand full of drive-through fare. Thank you for your support!
I stopped at a grocery store on my way back into town and grabbed some fresh fruit and some sliced chicken breast. I felt good about my choices. I was victorious. I was joyous.
I had a great workout tonight at the YMCA. Playing racquetball against the wall was reminiscent of my early days. Tackling the elliptical gave me a wonderful reminder of how easily our endurance can fade when we're not active. At one time, an hour on the elliptical wasn't a big deal. Tonight I was hurting at 20 minutes. I'll be back again and again, no worries.
I enjoyed a couple of 93% lean turkey burgers with sliced tomatoes placed atop a Joseph's Pita with mozzarella and a salsa/low fat sour cream sauce for dinner. It was right at 500 calories for the plate. I had planned on sharing the pictures but my time is up!
I'll share some over the next few days.
By the way, I separated my Twitter feed from my facebook. My three pronged social media approach each comes with different content style. I use facebook for "micro-blogging," Twitter for "in the moment" type stuff and this blog for an overview of the experiences and insights along the way.
Getting back to goal is a matter of time. It looks awesome by the way...because I've envisioned it and more.
Thank you for reading! Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
This feeling is familiar. It's a good feeling. It's familiar because it's the same I felt when I first started losing weight successfully. It makes me smile before I go to sleep and it wakes me with an empowering attitude to do it again and again. This feeling only comes when I can honestly look myself in the mirror and know without doubt, I had a good day with food and exercise.
The element of experience has changed my personal rules and expectations, yet the feeling remains the same. It's the type of joy that transcends temporary negative circumstances while it magnifies my gratitude for the blessings all around me. Sure, I was in tooth pain...didn't matter, still joyous. Sure, my vehicle sits in a parking lot across town in need of repair, waiting for a mechanic to give me the price to ride again...doesn't matter, still joyous. Job stress, financial stress, relationship issues, spirituality challenges, all of these are no match for the joy and gratitude that becomes me when I'm walking the walk I talk.
And when I'm experiencing this feeling, it allows me to envision my spiritual, health, business and personal relationship dreams ten times easier. And you know, if we can see it, we can achieve it. When I first started losing weight I closed my eyes and envisioned my success all the time. There was rarely a day that passed that I didn't turn on the projector in my mind, revealing my ultimate goals in Technicolor-like detail. I honestly didn't do this with intent of it helping me do anything other than become more excited in the moment. I blindly stumbled upon the power of visualization.
I mentioned how my experiences have shaped and changed my personal rules and expectations, here's an example: I made an unexpected trip to one of our sister radio stations this morning. It was approaching 11am when I made the delivery and I was ready to return home. My breakfast was wearing off quickly by this point and I started to ponder my options. I entertained the idea of "grabbing something" in a drive-through. I know from experience that I could have found something to fit into my calorie budget, sure...But my personal rules and expectations have changed.
What was once acceptable for me, isn't anymore. Grabbing some fast food and eating it while driving isn't the quality experience I want. It worked for me before. I stayed within my calorie budget and I exercised, and despite my choices, the weight loss success happened. After watching several documentaries, including my favorite "Hungry For Change," I find myself desiring a cleaner way of eating. I'm not perfect and that's not the pursuit, really. I just want to feel better about my choices by assigning a value that goes beyond the calorie count.
I still stand behind my "nothing is off limits" approach from the early days of my transformation because had I tried to change everything overnight, I would have been overwhelmed quickly, setting myself up for failure. All good things in time. This awakening of late is part of my gradual evolution of good choices. I've said many times, the definition of "good choices" is different for each one of us and it changes as we change; as we evolve.
Social media helped me fight off the temptation of the drive-through today. I immediately sent my challenge out on Twitter with a declaration of resistance. It worked. The accountability factor strengthened my resolve instantly and I confidently drove away from Stillwater without a hand full of drive-through fare. Thank you for your support!
I stopped at a grocery store on my way back into town and grabbed some fresh fruit and some sliced chicken breast. I felt good about my choices. I was victorious. I was joyous.
I had a great workout tonight at the YMCA. Playing racquetball against the wall was reminiscent of my early days. Tackling the elliptical gave me a wonderful reminder of how easily our endurance can fade when we're not active. At one time, an hour on the elliptical wasn't a big deal. Tonight I was hurting at 20 minutes. I'll be back again and again, no worries.
I enjoyed a couple of 93% lean turkey burgers with sliced tomatoes placed atop a Joseph's Pita with mozzarella and a salsa/low fat sour cream sauce for dinner. It was right at 500 calories for the plate. I had planned on sharing the pictures but my time is up!
I'll share some over the next few days.
By the way, I separated my Twitter feed from my facebook. My three pronged social media approach each comes with different content style. I use facebook for "micro-blogging," Twitter for "in the moment" type stuff and this blog for an overview of the experiences and insights along the way.
Getting back to goal is a matter of time. It looks awesome by the way...because I've envisioned it and more.
Thank you for reading! Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
We Don't Need Any Stinkin' Blogging Rules
We Don't Need Any Stinkin' Blogging Rules
A return to daily posting is something I've resisted for some time. And if you've followed this blog, you know I've done a stellar job resisting. Why? Oh, now--I could come up with a dozen excellent sounding excuses, all of which you could easily argue against, and you would most likely be right.
My biggest excuse (the one I used frequently) was the time commitment. I once treated this blog like there was a rigid list of rules stating:
All Posts Must Be At Least 6,000 Words
Every Post Must Include Multi-Media Content
Each Post Requires a Minimum Time Commitment of 1.5 Hours
I enjoy the occasional "mega-post," I do indeed, (and I'll occasionally have the time and material to crank out one of these super-post) but since this isn't currently my full time job, I can't abide by these self-imposed imaginary rules any longer. Tony Posnanski is a brilliant example of quality over quantity. I'm pretty sure he's written entire blog entries on his phone--in between sets in the weight room at his local gym.
My most honest excuse (one I've rarely said--and usually to my therapist only--Yet, it's the most obvious) is this: When I'm not doing my best, when I'm struggling--I'm not as motivated to write. It's as simple as that. It doesn't mean I've struggled the entire time spent away from daily posting, after all--I stopped posting daily in August 2010, hit goal in November 2010 and maintained for nearly a year and a half before I started struggling again. I credit my regular facebook "micro-blogs," for sure. But the point is this: I give myself the greatest chance of success when I'm posting daily right here on The DAILY Diary of a Winning Loser. The ups and downs, the struggles--the victories...That's what this blog is all about... a complete picture, an unvarnished example...The good, the bad and the awesome.
I woke up this morning feeling sick. I didn't sleep well because of a tooth ache. This issue had progressively worsened (as these things tend to do) and this morning it decided to grab and hold my attention. I took some ibuprofin and decided to somehow make it through my radio show. As I settled into the studio, so did the pain, for a little while at least. As soon as I was off the air I started making calls for available appointments. The second call I made had an opening at 1:30pm. It wasn't my regular dentist, but it didn't matter. I needed out of pain as quickly as possible. And after a couple hours in the dentist office, I was out of pain--oh yes I was...and the right side of my face was completely numb. I was drooling and I didn't even know it--that's how much I wasn't feeling any pain. Obliviously drooling...it was great.
I was told not to chew on my right side and to only eat soft things, "like ice cream." Yeah--they don't know me very well, do they? ;)
By the time I reached my apartment after 4pm, my calorie budget was sitting at a very low 350 calories--all from lunch and my morning coffee. I had tortilla soup with four crackers and some cheese. I rarely skip breakfast, but I did this morning because of the throbbing tooth pain. I opened another can of soup this evening--added a few crackers and cheese on the side and cut up an apple--and still, I'm under 1,000 for the day. Again, not typical--but circumstances took away my desire to eat.
I decided to rest after the dentist and at least have a walk before nights end. I planned on a 5K...ended up only doing two laps for 1.75 miles. Everything considered, I'm happy with today. I'm also hungry.
But it's way too late to eat anything. I'll have a good breakfast in the morning.
I'll leave you with this thought from my facebook micro-blog today:
"I've said it many times: “I know myself.” What we know is based on what we've experienced, the choices we've made—the patterns of the past. That is what we know. Do we know of what we are truly capable? Believing in ourselves requires faith in what we haven't known, an unwavering faith in our ability to choose change. It truly does not matter what we've done, where we are starting or what we know. Believe, and this time will be like nothing you've ever known."
Thank you for reading, goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
A return to daily posting is something I've resisted for some time. And if you've followed this blog, you know I've done a stellar job resisting. Why? Oh, now--I could come up with a dozen excellent sounding excuses, all of which you could easily argue against, and you would most likely be right.
My biggest excuse (the one I used frequently) was the time commitment. I once treated this blog like there was a rigid list of rules stating:
All Posts Must Be At Least 6,000 Words
Every Post Must Include Multi-Media Content
Each Post Requires a Minimum Time Commitment of 1.5 Hours
I enjoy the occasional "mega-post," I do indeed, (and I'll occasionally have the time and material to crank out one of these super-post) but since this isn't currently my full time job, I can't abide by these self-imposed imaginary rules any longer. Tony Posnanski is a brilliant example of quality over quantity. I'm pretty sure he's written entire blog entries on his phone--in between sets in the weight room at his local gym.
My most honest excuse (one I've rarely said--and usually to my therapist only--Yet, it's the most obvious) is this: When I'm not doing my best, when I'm struggling--I'm not as motivated to write. It's as simple as that. It doesn't mean I've struggled the entire time spent away from daily posting, after all--I stopped posting daily in August 2010, hit goal in November 2010 and maintained for nearly a year and a half before I started struggling again. I credit my regular facebook "micro-blogs," for sure. But the point is this: I give myself the greatest chance of success when I'm posting daily right here on The DAILY Diary of a Winning Loser. The ups and downs, the struggles--the victories...That's what this blog is all about... a complete picture, an unvarnished example...The good, the bad and the awesome.
I woke up this morning feeling sick. I didn't sleep well because of a tooth ache. This issue had progressively worsened (as these things tend to do) and this morning it decided to grab and hold my attention. I took some ibuprofin and decided to somehow make it through my radio show. As I settled into the studio, so did the pain, for a little while at least. As soon as I was off the air I started making calls for available appointments. The second call I made had an opening at 1:30pm. It wasn't my regular dentist, but it didn't matter. I needed out of pain as quickly as possible. And after a couple hours in the dentist office, I was out of pain--oh yes I was...and the right side of my face was completely numb. I was drooling and I didn't even know it--that's how much I wasn't feeling any pain. Obliviously drooling...it was great.
I was told not to chew on my right side and to only eat soft things, "like ice cream." Yeah--they don't know me very well, do they? ;)
By the time I reached my apartment after 4pm, my calorie budget was sitting at a very low 350 calories--all from lunch and my morning coffee. I had tortilla soup with four crackers and some cheese. I rarely skip breakfast, but I did this morning because of the throbbing tooth pain. I opened another can of soup this evening--added a few crackers and cheese on the side and cut up an apple--and still, I'm under 1,000 for the day. Again, not typical--but circumstances took away my desire to eat.
I decided to rest after the dentist and at least have a walk before nights end. I planned on a 5K...ended up only doing two laps for 1.75 miles. Everything considered, I'm happy with today. I'm also hungry.
But it's way too late to eat anything. I'll have a good breakfast in the morning.
I'll leave you with this thought from my facebook micro-blog today:
"I've said it many times: “I know myself.” What we know is based on what we've experienced, the choices we've made—the patterns of the past. That is what we know. Do we know of what we are truly capable? Believing in ourselves requires faith in what we haven't known, an unwavering faith in our ability to choose change. It truly does not matter what we've done, where we are starting or what we know. Believe, and this time will be like nothing you've ever known."
Thank you for reading, goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Let's Get This Thing To 88 Miles Per Hour
Let's Get This Thing To 88 Miles Per Hour
Here we are. 2014!
I'm in the best shape and health of my life. What I've done in 2013 has elevated everything to another level. I'm stronger than ever before. I've lost fat and gained muscle. My clothes fit better than ever. I'm rested, I feel incredible and the difference my commitment has made in every facet of my life, is astonishing. I look in the mirror and I see the results of consistency.
My list of spiritual, personal and business accomplishments--the ones I envisioned and wrote down on January 1st, 2013, and then posted them where I could see and read everyday---this visionary list is my reality today. I'll show you a picture of it when we return to this date through the natural course of time.
I had tasted freedom before. Now I'm feasting on it.
2013 was an amazing year.
Imagine. Envision. See. Believe. Commit. Accomplish. Repeat.
We are powerful people, my friends.
Okay--I must get back. I have a life to live!
Good Choices,
Sean
Here we are. 2014!
I'm in the best shape and health of my life. What I've done in 2013 has elevated everything to another level. I'm stronger than ever before. I've lost fat and gained muscle. My clothes fit better than ever. I'm rested, I feel incredible and the difference my commitment has made in every facet of my life, is astonishing. I look in the mirror and I see the results of consistency.
My list of spiritual, personal and business accomplishments--the ones I envisioned and wrote down on January 1st, 2013, and then posted them where I could see and read everyday---this visionary list is my reality today. I'll show you a picture of it when we return to this date through the natural course of time.
I had tasted freedom before. Now I'm feasting on it.
2013 was an amazing year.
Imagine. Envision. See. Believe. Commit. Accomplish. Repeat.
We are powerful people, my friends.
Okay--I must get back. I have a life to live!
Good Choices,
Sean
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