Day 383
Don't Misinterpret My Focus and Intensity
Sometimes when the stress level gets high and the schedule gets crazy, I get really focused, completely intense. You know what I'm talking about? When you look at your day and realize that there is more to do than you possibly have time for, and you must make every single minute count. Then, when you combine different sources of stress and throw it on top of that schedule, it can be seriously dangerous. When I'm having a day like today, I think that some people that I love interpret my attitude and intensity as a lack of caring or absence of love. And that's too bad. Because I couldn't care or love the ones around me more than I do now. I honestly believe that my changed appearance helps create this illusion of uncaring. It's like he's a completely different person, if I had a quarter... But honestly, I know where my heart is, and to me, that's all that matters. I must find ways to show it more despite circumstances.
I've never had a schedule like this, ever in my life. And honestly---I think I'm handling it well considering every circumstance we've had to face lately. And it's a temporary situation. Temporary. And honestly, I know there are people with busier schedules than me. People who have much bigger commitments and responsibilities than I ever could imagine. So let's realize that this brief set of circumstances that have me focused and intense will pass soon. Let's understand something, it's not just about the time commitments to this play I'm doing, it's everything together.
It's refreshing to still remain focused on eating responsibly and within my calorie budget even through everything. This commitment to my weight loss efforts does not change with my emotions and stress level. After derailing me every other time before, I've finally learned how to handle myself. Sometimes it might mean “investing” 380 calories in a filet-o-fish sandwich, or spending 200 calories on a handful of Doritos and a few chocolate malt balls at play practice...but it's all within that budget. My steel curtain is up and strong. And anything and everything that tries to weaken my weight loss resolve, just bounces off. That's a nice place to be considering where I've been for so long.
By the way, I need to correct some information from Last night's edition. JoEllen has 3 boys under seven years of age and an 18 year old daughter. I said 4 boys under seven. That was wrong and honestly, I have no idea how I made that mistake. My mom called me last night to ask, who's the fourth boy? I couldn't believe the error, but it's alright. Thank you mom for bringing that to my attention.
JoEllen is resting comfortably here at our home. Mary, Jo's 18 year old daughter, is staying the night as well. Mary lives in the freshman dorms at Northern Oklahoma College. JoEllen's three sons are currently staying with their dad in Arizona. JoEllen's spirit is wonderful, she's got a good attitude, and it's a nice thing to watch. I know she'll improve, I know she will. We're all praying for miracles to come Jo's way.
I'm looking forward to a much slower paced Saturday. I do have a remote broadcast to perform at Oktober Fest, but it's only two hours. After 1pm, I'm pretty clear! It'll be time to relax and enjoy my family! No rehearsal tonight! I'm trying to think of something nice to do, any ideas?
When I arrived home from rehearsal last night, I didn't walk into the living room for at least five minutes. When I did, I had an unexpected surprise waiting for me! Amber and her boyfriend KL are here!! They didn't tell anyone they were coming, they just showed up! I'm very happy about that. It's going to be a good weekend. Goodnight and...
Good Choices,
Sean
I'm so glad to hear that JoEllen is in good spirits! I'm keeping her in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteHave a great time with Amber and KL :)
JoEllen is still in my prayers as are you and your family.
ReplyDeleteI don't think it's right to need to say you are sorry for being you Sean. How much right others have to place demands on what you say or do... I guess some have weight, like considering family members, or following the law...
But you need to decide what is important and the rank they fall in. Busy or not, *the choice is yours* to make. As for dealing with family things... I or anyone else don't create all of them, but we still need to make choices on how to try to deal with them... or choosing to keep a busy schedule or not.
I think it's cool you eat some chips but keep the caloric wall up. But who am I to say. If you don't Eat or eat anything... keep that iron clad commitment or let the wall fall down, it's *YOUR* choice to make ultimately in the end. No one can force choices on you, at least for long.
There are no Food Police at Foolsfitness. Although they are welcome to visit too! But ask they keep their Food Police dogs outside- Alan
I'm with Alan. I don't think you need to apologize either. I think it's really awesome that you're enjoying this play you're in...FOR THE FIRST TIME IN YOUR LIFE!!!! So your schedule's a little tight....so what. You're doing what you've always wanted to do. People around you can either accept that and be happy for you....or they can chill til the play is over with. But don't feel like you need to apologize. Live your life. Do the things you couldn't do at 505 lbs. And don't apologize for it. Ever. :)
ReplyDeleteSometimes it is necessary to keep focussed, those that matter will understand.
ReplyDeleteI am glad your house is full of love this weekend. Enjoy!
Go to see a play....www.oktheatre.org Enjoy your much needed night off.
ReplyDeleteWomen get this all the time. This was the reason that for YEARS I made myself the last priority. I martyred myself on the alter of mtherhood, daughterhood, wifedom and the lot. Nobody ever asked me too (but they did get used to it) It is a huge change to go from everyone else first to "no, sorry...can't do that, I have to go to the gym'. The first dozen or so times you say it, people don't believe it. Keep it up long enough and people believe it (and resent it)...then, they accept it. This is who you are NOW. It doesn't mean we leave our tact at the door, but it does mean we have to be firm in our purpose. Good on you for keeping at it.
ReplyDeleteYou sound as if you are handling it well. Stress is never easy. When our loved ones suffer or financial stress or marital--there is nothing harder to deal with. It is amazing you have come as far as you have under your own steam and will power. I couldn't do that--I am strong, but not that strong. Without my faith I wouldn't make it 10 steps. Hope you have had a great weekend! Blessings--Bonnie
ReplyDeleteI love your focus and determination. It is so encouraging to me. I am getting better about staying focused during the emotional rockiness of being a woman and well of simply being ALIVE!
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