Monday, October 12, 2009

Day 393 This Is A Weight Loss Blog and The Fruits of Transformation

Day 393

This Is A Weight Loss Blog and The Fruits of Transformation

All day long I've felt very weird about posting last night's blog. I don't like recalling that experience. I felt exposed, just completely vulnerable. I can't even remember all of the fine details that made up that experience. Irene and my dad had to remind me of some of those crazy details. I'm glad we got through that. And, no more will I go that deep into my personal life in these writings. It's too much. I'm already personal enough, I just thought Hmm, what have I not already shared? And that experience popped into my head. It was horrifying and twisted. Those people were psychotic and probably on drugs. Thank you to Jack Sh*t for sharing the correct spelling of Osceola, Arkansas, he would know! And as far as the “were they ever charged” question? I seriously doubt it. The police felt the best thing they could do was get us out of town and back to Oklahoma, far away from these people. After they retrieved our vehicle, I think they felt that their job was done. They certainly dropped the ball if this is indeed how they felt. All I know is, we never heard another thing about that situation. Shall we move on? Good.

This is a weight loss blog. A blog about the incredible transformation we're capable of when we decide that nothing will stop us. It's a blog about consistency, good choices, self-honesty, and breaking free. It's a very real account of my personal transformation from 505 pounds to where I'm headed. 230? Sure, but I doubt that's where we'll stay. With added muscle, 250 perhaps. You know what I want, at least you do if you're a regular reader. I want to be lean. I want the fat gone, all of it, replaced by a fit physique that feels right and good. Above all else, I want to be healthy. The great thing is, considering I no longer take any blood pressure medication, nor do I use a machine to sleep properly, the healthy part is here now. The blood institute calls me all the time now wanting me to donate my healthy blood, you know how good that feels? As far as the physical transformation goes, I don't want to take pictures and decide which ones I like, I want to love them all. And so the work continues. But it continues with a confident spirit. And by “continues,” I'm not saying it ever stopped. It didn't. But as you know, I've stacked my schedule full lately and it rarely included workouts. I did get exercise, but you know what I mean. One thing that's never changed is my complete control over my food intake. I eat responsibly, it's just what I do. I don't gorge or binge, I don't have the desire to do that. I did enough of that the last two decades, I've had my fill of being completely out of control. I like this much better.

I received a text today from someone asking if I was slacking. They were only joking really, but I quickly reported NO! I've been living a dream lately. It's a dream made possible by this amazing transformation. I'm not done, far from it, but the changes I've made already have completely changed my life for the better. If enjoying what was once impossible is considered “slacking,” then I'm guilty. But I certainly don't look at it like that. Playing a lead character in a dramatic production has always been a dream of mine, always. And I've always let my weight keep me from that experience. I always knew it was in me, the ability, the talent was in me, I was always sure of that, but I was trapped by morbid obesity. The real me couldn't get out and live.

I now want to do everything I could never do before. And the list of things to do will grow as I progress on this road. My biggest challenge will be slowing down enough to realize that I don't have to do everything all at once. I am like a kid in a candy store, but I must remember: This candy store is always open. I need to carefully take my time and move forward, never losing focus on where I'm headed and what I plan to accomplish in time.

We're headed to the YMCA this evening. It's been a while. I wonder if they'll even recognize us? Irene left for work, so it's just Courtney and me---headed for a workout, like so many times along this road. We're going to sweat and it's going to feel good, real good. Weigh day is Wednesday! Let's move! I really hope to have hit the 220 pounds lost mark by then, we'll see. If not, that's completely cool. We're getting there. We're going to be just fine, absolutely fine.

Thank you for reading and following my journey. I haven't had much time lately for catching up with all of my blog friends, and I feel horrible about that. Please understand that I'm always here, and sometimes I read without commenting. If you ever feel inclined, drop me an e-mail to seanboy105@hotmail.com or add me as a friend on Facebook. I promise I'll respond to any weight loss related questions. Again, thank you for reading. Goodnight and...

Good Choices,
Sean

11 comments:

  1. Nice post...continued success and keep living and enjoying your life (it's not a dream)!! Enjoy! :)

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  2. well, keep up the good work bud.
    We are here to read anything you want to share.

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  3. Love you baby...wish I was at the Y with you...but I am stuck at this JOB...have a good night...see you soon...
    xoxoox
    Irene

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  4. Keep up the good work. Hope you have a good workout :)

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  5. You are amazing Sean keep up your great work , enjoyn getting back to the gym ..

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  6. I appreciate that you always take the time to send and return emails...you've helped me tremendously along the road...one of my biggest inspirations. I know the workout at the Y is going to feel great tonight...and still proud of you for realizing the dream of theater. Can't wait to hear about the weigh-in! :)

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  7. Delurking here to comment on your feelings about your last post. Frequently we get caught up in what readers ask for and it seems that that is what you were responding to with the revelatory post. Sometimes it is helpful to pull back and remember we don't owe readers everything. It is quite correct to keep a secret garden. Don't feel you have to put everything out there. If something makes you uncomfortable, that means something right there.

    I get a lot out of your blog and appreciate what you share. But give yourself permission to share only what you are comfortable sharing. We don't need or require total transparency. And contrary to what modern psychology would have you believe, sometimes "getting it all out" is not beneficial. Sometimes doing that can stir up old memories which are best kept compartementalized.

    The parts of your story you feel good about sharing are all we need to read, and we thank you for those.

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  8. Oh, wow, I don't know how I missed Sunday's post - what an experience and thank goodness you all came out of it OK. Probably stronger too eventually.

    I know what you mean about reserving some bits of yourself, I don't blog about everything that goes on or has gone on in my life, I know what it is like in interweb-land, once written, it is hard to delete if you change your mind!

    Glad you are back to exercising regularly again - you will be amazed at how quickly you get it all back! Well done!

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  9. "My biggest challenge will be slowing down enough to realize that I don't have to do everything all at once."

    Sean as I read this I am thinking that if you'll budget your time the way you budget your calories, you'll be set.

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  10. You definitely haven't been slacking. I love that you're living your dream that's what this life is about being happy and doing what we love. I know you will get to wherever you want to go, this isn't a race after all so you have time to enjoy your journey.

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  11. Oh that was a horrible thing, just horrible that you guys went through! I have never known anyone who had something bad like that happen. I am so glad that it turned out well, when I was reading it I was literally holding my breath with shock. Hugs to you guys. And wow Irene. What a strong woman. And I want a new pic of you guys on the left! That one is 70 days old!

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