I Had To Do It and Eating Because of Need
I've interviewed directors many times over the years on my radio show. Every production that runs around this region, they're either in the studio or on the phone. And I always make mention on the air how much hard work their cast and crew must have invested, but I never really knew what that “investment” meant until now. Tonight was our last pre-open rehearsal. Tomorrow night we'll being in front of a real audience, and tomorrow morning I'll interview another director on my show. This time it'll be my director Chris Williams.
When Chris first suggested I audition for this role, I laughed really hard. My schedule was already packed. I already had eliminated my TV watching and poker playing habits in exchange for working out and writing this blog every evening. Combined with my radio responsibilities, my schedule already had me sleep deprived, albeit because of my poor time management skills and undisciplined sleep schedule---100% self honesty, personal responsibility—right? I had no intention of actually auditioning. I had just mentioned a time or two that acting was something I wanted to try someday. But then the messages started coming from a few friends. “Hey Sean, auditions are August 30th for “Henry,” don't forget!” and similar messages like “You're auditioning for the play right?” And the more messages and time I had to think about it, the more I started considering what it would mean to me to actually get cast. It would be a huge triumph in my life. It would be an amazing reward for my hard work, consistency, and commitment to change. It would be a dream realized, made possible in part by my physical and mental transformation.
Well, it didn't take long to decide that I had to do it, I really needed to do it. As crazy as it sounded on the surface to everyone that knows me personally, each and every one of them also understood the deep personal meaning that doing this play was for me. I owe the ones I love and the people I work with at Team Radio big time for this understanding. Opening night is less than 24 hours away. I'm thrilled!
I made myself eat today. You know what I mean? When you're in a hurry and completely busy and really, you just don't have much time to spare---it's the realization that hey, I need to eat something! Often times it leads to poor choices, but we also understand that making these poor choices isn't typical for us now. We're not above having a half a cookie, a fun size M&M pack of chocolate candies, and a junior burger with mustard from a fast food place. That was my lunch during my four hour broadcast today. Crazy? No, not at all. I was just living within the circumstances of the moment and navigating the choices as best I could. And I could have had as many cookies and candy as I wanted. It wasn't about filling an endless hole full of junk, it was simply “I need to eat something, anything, Ok---this will do.” And it was cool to enjoy these things without any guilt whatsoever.
I must wrap this edition and head to the studio. Thank you for reading. Goodnight and...