The Challenges of Change and Showboating Before The End-Zone
Today was much better than yesterday, like I said; I needed to go to bed. Sometimes a good rest is all that is needed to not only recharge the body, but also the mind. It doesn’t make our challenges go away, it simply makes us think clearer in dealing with them.
I survived my crazy urges to turn to food yesterday. That’s a pattern that is very hard to break. And even after 401 days, yesterday proved to me that occasionally these feelings can pop up and threaten our defenses. Trying to understand why we’re feeling the way we are feeling, rather than immediately bingeing is key. Simply stopping long enough to ask why and then think about the consequences of our decision. Taking the time to analyze the situation quickly disarms the threat. I’ve come too far to allow any backsliding.
Chris left a comment that got to me a little, OK, a lot. Chris commented: Well, you've been off stride and kind of 'off' plan for a while now. I have seen alot of posts with the words "It is just for today"...or "Today was unusual"...or "I didn't eat the best, but it was just one brownie'. Sometimes, if we go long enough we can start to believe that we can get by with some of the old habits without damaging our progress. maybe not upfront, but subconciously your mind could be rebelling against a return to a stricter mindset. Hope it gets better for you tomorrow.
Chris, thanks for the comment and observation, and thank you for reading! I have changed things up lately. In rearranging my schedule, I quickly became less strict about my workout routine. It suffered greatly because of the schedule I was keeping during the play. My food hasn’t suffered. That brownie was deliberate and accounted for. I can honestly say that I haven’t been “off plan” as far as my consumption habits in all of these 402 days. Certainly it’s been key in my dramatic weight loss, but you make a very valid point. The Sean writing this blog and living this transformation wouldn’t have accepted my lack of workouts anytime during the first 200 to 250 days. Seriously, if you read in the archives---no excuses. I would go out and walk in the pouring sleet and rain, nothing was stopping me from getting that workout complete. Even if it meant working out after midnight like a crazy man, it was just too important to miss, even one. This change in what is acceptable to me and what isn’t is the change you’ve noticed.
So why? At a certain point, when success is almost a certainty, it’s common to ease up---take it easy and cruise to victory. It’s not smart, but it is human nature. Like a football player strutting his stuff and showing off at the end of a long touchdown run before he ever reaches the endzone, it can and does backfire horribly. I think I’ve done some of that. I’ve been so excited about the way I feel and by what I see in the mirror, that I immediately went into celebration mode. I can tell myself all day long that “I still have work to do,” but my actions (missing workouts) are not in line with the work ethic that brought me here. It’s a dangerous place to be. I’ve been so focused on the experience of feeling and looking better than I ever have as an adult, and doing things I could only dream about before, that I’ve naturally lost focus on where it should be. Watch a world-class sprinter sometime. Even if they’re way ahead of the pack, they still push full speed for the finish line, never losing focus. If they do ease up, it cost them time, and they know it’s wrong and the commentators know it’s wrong. As a reader of this blog, you’re like that sports commentator that notices these things, and Chris, thank you for mentioning your observation. It’s so true, when you ease up and break your stride; you’re completely going against what got you this far in the first place. And that’s what I’ve done. I’ve managed to maintain a steady loss simply by maintaining my calorie budget, but my lacking in the workout department has seriously cost me.
I’m becoming what I didn’t want to become: A guy who looks like he’s lost a bunch of weight. You might not see it in the “in-progress” pictures, but I see it in the mirror when I’m alone. I know that the only way to overcome this is through committed and consistent workouts. I must build the body I want or settle for less. I’m not coming this far to settle for anything less than what I’ve envisioned and dreamed about. And Chris is so right about how the brain works. It is so hard to get back into that routine and commitment after easing up. I’ve celebrated before reaching the endzone, I’ve broken stride before the finish line, and correcting that is a tough thing, it really isn’t easy at all.
Jodikris asked a question too: You may have answered this question before but has your weight loss had any negative effects on your marriage? Thank you for the question Jodi, uh…here’s the deal: I’ve been so open and personal along this road, that sometimes it’s very difficult to pull back and not share certain things. Regular readers who have read every single day, people that have taken the time to go back and read this blog like a book, they know me and my family better than some relatives of mine. I have to be respectful and considerate to my family first and foremost, and then decide what is appropriate to share from this point forward.
My wife has written about the changes in me, one post referred to me as a “stranger.” It’s true, I’m a different person on the outside and in a lot of ways, and I’m also a different person on the inside. I don’t believe you can have such a dramatic transformation without changing a bunch or even a little of everything we are. Has it changed our marriage in a negative way? Yes and no.
I’ve written briefly and vaguely before about our “marital issues.” I can’t go any further than to say, we’re trying our best to work through some tough times. One thing is for certain: Good or bad, our future will not be the same as our past, meaning that we will not continue the patterns that have brought us here. And the drastic physical and emotional changes that we’ve both experienced (keep in mind, she’s lost over 140 pounds) may be responsible for some of these “issues,” but not all of them. I think the renewed confidence we both have has made us reluctant to accept past behaviors and patterns in each other. We do agree on one very important thing: We honestly love each other deeply, that will never change.
I’m over the little streak of envy I experienced yesterday. Jack helped with his comment: Just like with genes, some people get lucky breaks along the way. Look at Jennifer at Ex Hot Girl. Her blog got a mention in Google's Blogs of Note and she went from 80 followers to 1500 in a week! That's winning the lottery, my friend. Just lik the weight loss, you're building this thing the right way. When you do hit it big, you'll know it was because you earned it.
Jack always knows exactly what to say doesn’t he? What a wonderful supporter, he’s incredible really. It’s true, I never started this blog for any other reason than to help me stay on track and really succeed. I’ve been marvelously successful so far, and that’s what’s important. When my dreams of becoming a full-time weight loss motivational speaker and author are realized, no one can say that I didn’t earn it every step of the way.
I’ll be blogging early on Thursday because I have a special event that I’m doing all night Thursday into Friday morning. Wish me luck. I have to spend the night alone inside a haunted theatre, doing live on-air reports all night long of the happenings on the inside. This theatre was the recent subject of Insight Paranormal Investigations and has even garnered attention from the Sci-Fi Channel show “Ghost Hunters.” We’ll see how it goes. It could very well be very boring. At least I hope so.
Thank you for reading. Goodnight and…