Struggling Here and The Imaginary Heist of “The Calorie Bank And Trust”
For some strange reason, I’ve struggled today, and I don’t really understand why. There are many valid reasons why I could be feeling “off.” I’ve had to fight crazy urges all day---and I haven’t really had to do that in well over 100 days. I guess every now and then it just happens. Emotions and stress combine to create feelings that can, and I stress CAN make you want to throw it all away. Not care anymore, whatever. I’ve been here before, and when I say “before,” I’m talking about past attempts prior to and even during the last 401 days. These kinds of feelings have derailed me in the distant past. They will not get me now.
I understand my emotions better now than ever before. I’m in tune with my feelings, desires, goals, and dreams. But still, I struggle sometimes. This might surprise you, especially if you’ve just started reading this blog and haven’t read through the archives just yet. It’s a bunch to read, I understand. But I do struggle from time to time. Do not interpret this “struggling” tone as whining. I have absolutely nothing to whine about. I’ve lost nearly 225 pounds in 401 days, there’s nothing to be down about. My struggles are anchored in my dreams and desires for the future and how those choices will affect my family and life. We’re going through some very personal family issues right now, some you know about, and some you don’t. The potential changes directly ahead for us will dramatically change our daily lives. How we handle the changes will determine if they become positives or negatives. Every choice has a consequence good or bad, right? I’m being too vague, I apologize. Perhaps we should change the subject.
Did you see the blogspot weight loss blogger on Good Morning America today? A friend of mine e-mailed me the story. The blogger on the show started her blog in September and has already lost 17 pounds, with plans to lose 100 pounds in one year. It’s very cool she landed on GMA so early on her journey. She handled it very well. Tell me I'm normal to feel a tad bit of envy, considering the success I've enjoyed and my desire to make the rest of my life all about helping people break free of obesity. Maybe the green monster of envy is responsible for my slump today, you think? I need to grow up! She could read this---and how would that look? Uh, I mean, as I was saying...I wish her well and if she ever needs any advice or support, I'm ready to offer what I've discovered along this road.
My Corvette experience was postponed when I realized that I scheduled it at the same time as I had planned to take my daughter for her drivers license driving test. Janet was very cool about the change of plans, and extended the offer anytime in the near future. It will be soon, because in not long the top will go on for the winter. I’m sure driving a Vette is fun with a hard top, but I like the convertible option for my first time, coming soon! Fitting into a car like that will be so amazing for me. I also plan on climbing into a small Cessna aircraft soon! Another friend of mine has a plane and they’ve agreed to take me up someday soon. They recently told me that I could fit into that tiny cockpit now, but we’ll wait a little while for that one. I’m still scared of heights ya know!
Courtney passed her driving test with flying colors. The examiner told her “good driving girl” when they returned to the testing center, and I’m taking some credit to share with Amber and Irene. We’ve all taught her how to drive over the last year. Courtney has had the luxury of watching her sister before her and learning by observing. It helps that Courtney is an excellent listener and really understands even the most complex ideas and procedures. She once said that she wanted to be a surgeon someday, she certainly could be, or anything else she wants to be. We’re blessed that both of our daughters really understand the power to choose their own path. How have we been so lucky? So very blessed.
Once again, we didn’t get into the YMCA today. Getting back in that groove is proving to be a real challenge indeed. I’m not worried at all, but man---what in the world? I stopped at the trail tonight on my way to the studio to write this blog and I only walked one lap. Less than a mile, that’s right, I just wasn’t feeling emotionally open to the walk tonight. Very strange, very strange indeed. I told you, I’ve struggled today. Struggled hard. I’m just an emotional wreck tonight. I could have used the endorphins a brisk 5K would have provided; I should go back and do it.
But honestly, I’ll probably just go home and go to bed before I break down and rob my “Calorie Bank and Trust.” Could you imagine? “Give me the calories, NOW! I want ‘em all in the bag…Move! Make ‘em tasty too, don’t sneak any healthy junk in there, I’m watching you! Now, nobody moves a muscle---Hey, does anyone have a spoon? I mean, alright…I’m going to walk out that door and we’re going to pretend this didn’t happen just now, do we all understand? What is this? A Dye pack on top of the ice cream? **BLAMMO!**”
Not going to happen, the Calorie Bank and Trust security system is pretty elaborate and best of all, it’s hard wired directly through my conscious, emotions, and dreams of a future completely free of obesity. Goodnight and…