Wednesday, March 18, 2015

March 18th, 2015 Sometimes It Is

March 18th, 2015 Sometimes It Is

I once proclaimed "it's never too late." Sadly, sometimes it is.

I met Ramsey Moore on location for a film he and I did together in the summer of 2003. (The film was Reality: The Movie, a spoof on various reality TV shows. It never made it to distribution in any form.) Our scenes were together. We played a sportscasting team. We spent the entire day together in 100 degree Fresno heat. We kept in touch after that day via email and eventually social media, but we never worked together again. I had moved back home to Oklahoma and Ramsey was firmly planted in L.A. and doing very well.

He was incredibly nice to me. He made an unforgettable impression on me that day. I didn't tell him I had packed up and headed home already, and that I had flown back out to do this one last commitment. I remember him inviting me to a stand-up show. I deflected and changed the subject.

Had I stayed in California, I'm certain Ramsey and I would have become good friends. I was so happy for him when he started doing bits regularly for Jimmy Kimmel and when he worked with Ashton Kutcher on MTV's Punk'd.

When I found out about his passing via Facebook yesterday morning, I felt an incredible sadness. He was only a few years older than me. He died of a massive heart attack on Monday.

Reading through the endless stream of facebook friends leaving words on his timeline, it was clear. The unforgettably positive attitude and presence he shared with me that day, was something he shared with everyone he came in contact with over the years. He was a gifted actor, stand-up and someone who lived to make people laugh.

We were both stand-up comics and we were both in excess of 500 pounds. I wish I could have helped him in some way. I know that none of us are guaranteed a certain amount of time on this earth, right now is all we have, but in a way, I felt a touch of survivors guilt. I could have very well had the same trajectory as Ramsey. I feel blessed; very lucky, because I made it out--for now. And if I continue making the elements of my recovery important, I'll have a good chance at a longer life. I wish Ramsey could have that chance, too. It's just too late. It's a sad deal. He was one of the really good ones in this world.
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Rest in peace, Ramsey--and thank you for making that 100 degree day in Fresno one I'll never forget--and not because of the heat, it was unforgettable because of you.
A guest on my radio show yesterday brought me a sugar free bar of chocolate sweetened with Stevia! I waited until today to give it a try. I consumed 1/3 of the bar for 120 calories. It was very good! Even though it's sugar free, I don't think I'll keep 'em around the apartment. I'm a little concerned about my ability to control myself with chocolate bars. I intentionally left the remaining chocolate in the studio kitchen instead of bringing it home. I'll stretch it out and see how long it'll last me. I could easily break it into 60 calorie portions.

I had both pizza and chocolate today. Of course, they were versions that fit my non-negotiable recovery based food plan. It still fun to say, "hey--I had pizza and chocolate--and no guilt!!"

My plan to get into Yoga class this afternoon didn't work. I was too busy at work to leave at 4 or in time to make the 5:30pm class. I'm not sure what I'm going to do about this. When I get busy, my schedule seems to win out over what I need and want to do. It's still something I can change. I can structure my work load better. All I can do is plan on next week, give it an increased priority level and see what happens.

I did get a wonderful workout in at the YMCA this evening.

My Tweets Today:

Thank you for reading and your continued support,


  1. Sorry to here the sad news and a great reminder how important this path of leading a healthier life is.

    Regarding Stevia, yes its very safe compared to other ones but: I recently come to a positive conclusion it's every bit as bad as all the other artificial sweeteners and added sugar regarding increased hunger consumption.

    Please check out this article, one I agree on based on my own testing, use of stevia in shakeology and chewing gum. I am debating on giving or using the rest of my shakeology and expensive chewing gum away. Either way I am done with this substance for life!

    The sweetness in stevia and other artificial sweeteners is insane compared to added sugars in the natural forms. Having tested and observed days I consumed stevia compared to days I do not, effects me greatly regarding my water consumption and vegetable cravings, most specifically the taste buds. Avoiding all the sweetness, every little bit are the days I truly am enjoying the taste of food the most. These are the days where my natural cravings of food produce the most nutritional, most satisfied at lowest calorie levels needed to be 100% satisfied with the food I eat that day.

    It's very possible stevia does not effect your hunger issues like mine, but I am guessing you would notice a huge difference, how your taste buds would change. Everything taste different, a few things not as good, so many foods, especially vegetables taste incredible in absence of any sweetness like stevia. So I do challenge you one day my friend, just like the no added sugar challenge to do a no added sweetness at all challenge for at least 3 weeks. IMO well worth trying, wouldn't it be great if all your food tasted better & water consumption became even easier?

    I apologize for the rant on a substance that very possibly has benefited, helped you over come your sugar addiction. I am ranting because your my friend, I care, & I think there is at least a 50% chance you would agree with me one day.

    1. No apologies necessary, my friend. I appreciate your perspective.
      In reality, I don't use it a lot. But when I do, it's because I enjoy it--even if it's not the best thing for me. Same dynamic with the sugar free coffee's nothing but a big bottle of chemicals--I know this, but I enjoy it.
      Luckily,the stevia doesn't seem to have adverse effects on me. Time will tell.
      And you might be right--I may reach a point where I'm 100% sweetener free. But for now, I'm good with it.
      I wouldn't say it's helped me overcome my sugar addiction because I don't depend on it every day. I use it occasionally--and sometimes in things I'll eat as a novelty--like the valentines cookie--or the birthday cupcake last year--or that peach pie at Thanksgiving... All things I rarely consume--all things normally loaded with sugar--except as stevia versions.
      I have a friend here in Ponca City who grows her own stevia plants...No additives--just pure stevia leaves--I find that interesting. I wonder if a homegrown, straight from the soil stevia plant would have the same adverse effect on you...or me?
      Thank you, Jon!

  2. I am so sorry that the world has lost someone so vibrant and positive. We need more of those people in the world, not less.

    1. Thank you, FFF. He was a special person through and through. I wish I would have known him even better. Whenever someone passes like this, so young--it freaks me out a little. Reminds me of my own mortality, I suppose.
      I'm very grateful to be where I am today.

  3. It's a sobering experience to come face to face with the truth that tomorrow is not promised to any of us. When that happens, I always think that I'll live my life differently from that moment on. That I'll take better care of myself physically, of course, but that I'll also live with eternity in mind. More focused on what is truly important and what is just noise.

    But I don't. The noise wins out.

    May you do better.


    1. Deb--My heart goes out to you. Those choices are so tough to make. I lost 170 lbs. over four years ago, then struggled with a 30-lb. regain last year before finding my way again and losing it in the last six months of the year. Somehow, I lost my way again and have probably gained that 30 lbs. back in the last two and a half months. It is so easy to ignore the future and what is important and focus on what you want NOW, right NOW! I hope you (and I) can find our way again, before it is too late.

    2. It's very difficult sometimes to focus on what's important--and what needs our attention along the way. The noise is a powerful distraction. Hang in there, Deb--and do you best to turn it down a little--enough to find peace.
      Thank you so much, Deb. You're an amazing person.

  4. Your friend's death certainly brings it home doesn't it Sean? This is really the reason we are trying our darnedest to get healthy--LIFE itself!!! I know I was headed toward a similar fate in 2009 when my doctor told me that my EKG seemed to show "I'd already had a heart attack." Those words (later proven untrue by a cardiologist and numerous tests) still ring in my ears. They literally scared me straight! My own son weighs over 500 lbs., and is 37 years old. It worries me. Parents should not have to bury their children. I also feel guilt. My own eating habits were not good when he was growing up in my home, and I didn't teach him about eating to live rather than living to eat. I dn't preach to him however. My own parents found a healthy lifestyle and lost weight as they approached 60, and it took me that long as well. Perhaps he will be a lucky one (as I was) and make it that long at a morbidly obese weight without serious consequences, before choosing to get healthy. I HOPE! Many, many people are not that lucky. Your friend was not as fortunate as you and I. God bless him and his family and you as you mourn his loss.

    1. Anytime I find out about someone dying so incredibly young, it bothers me--and immediately faces me towards my own mortality. It's a dark reminder of the truest consequences of the paths we choose to take.
      It often takes coming face to face with our mortality to finally take it very seriously. It sounds like that experience really did it for you in a profound way.
      I understand the guilt thing. I have it too. I set a horrible example for my girls during their formative years. I try to take comfort in the fact that I'm setting a good example now---and they're old enough to recognize the negative and positive consequences of dad's ways of old and ways of today.
      Your parents sound fantastic. Good for them!!
      So heartbreaking and true--many don't get the chances we've had. We're some of the lucky ones, Dup.
      I wasn't close to him at all. Like I said--worked with him one day--then got to know him a little better through email and social media. But he made an impact on me all the same. It was just shocking to read about his death--so sad. He was a good one.

  5. I am SO sorry for the loss of your friend. Losing a peer Is hard to take no matter what the death is from.


    1. I agree, Nancy! Thank you. It was shocking...even though it's always a possibility--and even when there are outward signs of high risk...still, shocking. He was way too young. Still had so many wonderful years ahead of him. And gone.

  6. Sean,

    Sorry to hear of the loss of your colleague. I thought of the phrase there but for the grace of god go I" One day at a time amigo, that's all we can do. Make it a good one today.


    1. Chris, thank you for this. One day at a time, indeed.

  7. So sorry to hear of your friend's passing. May he rest in peace.

    1. Thank you, Rosie. He was a good person. A truly good person.

  8. I am sorry for the loss of your friend. John 3:16

  9. We love your blog and always look forward to all your posts!

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