I remember how dark it was a few years ago. The darkness wasn't just because I was steadily regaining and feeling completely out of control. It was dark because the more I gained, the more I lost the grip on my hopes, dreams, and plans for better days.
What happened during that time?
I was over-confident. In this confidence, I was vulnerable. When life took some curves, I wasn't ready to lean into the curves. I had declined a safety net. I had too much pride and ego, too much "I got this down." Too much. And at the same time...
I was willfully and intentionally disconnected from support. I was willfully and intentionally disconnected from accountability.
I had so much more to learn.
Totally disconnecting from everything was the only way I could fall hard enough--and be humbled enough, to see what I needed to fully appreciate.
Of course, that's in hindsight. In the middle of it all, I wasn't grateful.
I was fearful, terrified, hurt, sad, disappointed, and full of shame, guilt, and embarrassment.
Letting all that negative stuff go and mining the fall for the good of it all, was challenging.
I'm monumentally grateful for the opportunity to learn and do it differently.
I'm grateful for the second, third and eighth chances I've been given. Some don't get as many. I'm blessed.
If you ever question why I do what I do each day: The weighing and measuring, the logging, the pictures, the tweets, the support connections, and writing this blog every day, without fail.
I do it because I need the daily guidance. There's an illusion that makes it seem like I'm some kind of weight loss and maintenance machine. That illusion suggests that I must have it all figured out.
I'm certainly not a machine and I don't have it all figured out.
The things I do each day are like rails of support guiding me through each day.
The learning never stops. The growing never stops. If these things ever come to a stop, again, that's when the darkness comes. But I don't live in fear of the darkness. I live embracing the light. I live with an open mind. I live in a grateful state.
Today, I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget. I remained abstinent from refined sugar. I exceeded my daily water goal. And I stayed connected with support.
Continuous Live-Tweet Stream:
2 C water, 20 push-ups & 20 squats✔️ It's fast, it's relatively easy & it's necessary if I want coffee! ;) And I do. pic.twitter.com/uhLvnNubx0— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 28, 2016
Two tablespoons half & half in this cup of dark roast. A refill to go & another over the next few hours. 120 cal. pic.twitter.com/NfrfH93biM— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 28, 2016
Breakfast in MFP. Not shown: 1 slice muenster. pic.twitter.com/nbjkaH7t6U— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 28, 2016
2 whl eggs & 2 whts w/74g avocado&1-muenster. Ezekiel w/.5oz crm cheese & 18g SF blueberry. 6.5oz apple. 596 cal. pic.twitter.com/U3J6kzHvjD— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 28, 2016
Big&Cool summer lunch, in MFP... pic.twitter.com/NRwHa03Lg0— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 28, 2016
4 cup water bottle with lunch. (May take a good part of afternoon to finish) #wateraccountability pic.twitter.com/mCwvajImJv— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 28, 2016
159g avocado w/15g Sr crm, lettuce, 28g blue tortilla chips, 5.8oz peach, 298g cantaloupe & 111g strwbrrs. 630 cal. pic.twitter.com/FVuCrVQn8u— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 28, 2016
After-lunch coffee with two tablespoons half&half. 40 cal. pic.twitter.com/nesBTbACe4— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 28, 2016
3 tbsp half & half in this cup of decaffeinated coffee. 60 cal. pic.twitter.com/vv3Q8Ri7kh— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 28, 2016
Dinner in MFP... pic.twitter.com/oYJtX6rRKr— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 28, 2016
2 Joseph's 60 cal pitas w/62g SF Priano marinara, 6.7oz top sirloin, red&yllw peppr, onion & 4 slices Mozz. 637 cal. pic.twitter.com/Nvj1lJdBse— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 28, 2016
1.5 cups water exceeds #watergoal 4.2oz banana, 6.6oz apple & 21g (1.3 tbsp) nat.peanut butter #lastfoodofday 295cal pic.twitter.com/AU8bzHvnTk— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 29, 2016
Thank you for reading and your continued support,