Tuesday, June 28, 2016

June 28th, 2016 For The Good Of It All

June 28th, 2016 For The Good Of It All

I remember how dark it was a few years ago. The darkness wasn't just because I was steadily regaining and feeling completely out of control. It was dark because the more I gained, the more I lost the grip on my hopes, dreams, and plans for better days.

What happened during that time?

I was over-confident. In this confidence, I was vulnerable. When life took some curves, I wasn't ready to lean into the curves. I had declined a safety net. I had too much pride and ego, too much "I got this down." Too much. And at the same time...

I was willfully and intentionally disconnected from support. I was willfully and intentionally disconnected from accountability. 

I had so much more to learn.

Totally disconnecting from everything was the only way I could fall hard enough--and be humbled enough, to see what I needed to fully appreciate.

Of course, that's in hindsight. In the middle of it all, I wasn't grateful.

I was fearful, terrified, hurt, sad, disappointed, and full of shame, guilt, and embarrassment.

Letting all that negative stuff go and mining the fall for the good of it all, was challenging.

I'm monumentally grateful for the opportunity to learn and do it differently.

I'm grateful for the second, third and eighth chances I've been given. Some don't get as many. I'm blessed.

If you ever question why I do what I do each day: The weighing and measuring, the logging, the pictures, the tweets, the support connections, and writing this blog every day, without fail.

I do it because I need the daily guidance. There's an illusion that makes it seem like I'm some kind of weight loss and maintenance machine. That illusion suggests that I must have it all figured out.

I'm certainly not a machine and I don't have it all figured out.

The things I do each day are like rails of support guiding me through each day.

The learning never stops. The growing never stops. If these things ever come to a stop, again, that's when the darkness comes. But I don't live in fear of the darkness. I live embracing the light. I live with an open mind. I live in a grateful state.

Today, I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget. I remained abstinent from refined sugar. I exceeded my daily water goal. And I stayed connected with support.

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Thank you for reading and your continued support,

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for continuing to post. It is so helpful.LN


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