I arrived at the studio at 6am. It's eleven minutes until 8pm and I'm still here. Long day, oh my. It's important for me to remind myself--this isn't the norm, it's the exception. I have three large projects that have each taken me longer to get done than I expected. Anyway--I'm not complaining, I'm just saying--very long day here.
I did pause for the Monday night support group conference call! I needed the break and the positive energy!
But I mustn't skim over last night. I'm batting .500 with the bedtime deal. I planned on being in bed by 10pm--even mentioned it in the blog--and to some of my support connections--and still, I crashed through that bedtime without touching the brakes. Amber and I enjoyed our visit with mom very much! In hindsight, we should have left a couple hours earlier. That was my thing.
It's a work in progress. Again, I'm batting .500 so far.
I'm headed home shortly where my grandson is waiting patiently for me. I have a friend taking care of him while I work. He's staying with me tonight. He's been playing all day, so I'm sure it'll not be a challenge to get him to go to bed.
The following is an excerpt of a DDWL blog post from more than seven years ago.
Every now and then I write a blog, post it, then the next day I'll think of something I wanted to mention but didn't. Last night after the “Lose To Win” seminar, I was approached by a nice lady who expressed concern for a loved one. She told me that the loved one that had her concerned was where I was when I started. Just in case she convinced that loved one to read this blog, here's what I hope he reads:
I don't know your name, what you look like, or anything about you other than a couple of clues I've been given. I know that you're right around 500 pounds and I know that you have loved ones that care deeply about you. That's all I know for certain about you. But I'll take it a little deeper. I was over 500 pounds for years, so I can safely assume that perhaps you're feeling some of the emotions that became a fixed part of my life for so long. You might feel completely hopeless, I did. You might feel like you're out of control, I did. You probably turn to food when you're stressed, scared, sad, happy, it doesn't matter the occasion or emotion huh?
Yep, me too. It's hard to get around isn't it? A short walk can feel suffocating, I know. Maybe you feel like your weight has started chipping away at your personal relationships, I know I did. Are you scared of dying like I was, every single day? Be honest, when a little twinge of pain crosses your chest do you start praying it's anything but what you fear the most? I sure did. Is your wardrobe severely limited because of your size? Mine was. I once wore the same pair of pants every day for six months straight, washing it every couple of days, just because it was the only pair that fit, and driving to OKC or Tulsa to buy more was too inconvenient.
When you get scared for your life, do you feel like you're in a non-stop self-destructive cycle? Please say you haven't given up. I never did.
Listen, I knew that if I kept going, I would die very soon. Only God knows how soon, but soon for certain. I also knew that I had to be the one to stop the endless cycle. I had to get very honest and very serious with myself. You're not hopeless and you can do this. I'm not special, I don't have any kind of secret potion, I'm not perfect in any way. I'm just a guy who knew that if I really wanted to live, and I mean really live, I had to do something now. I'd argue that I'm no different than you my friend. 192 days ago I reached my limit. My world was becoming unraveled, my weight was doing it's best to crush me and any sliver of hope I may have had for the future.
Can you relate? I bet you can. I'm here to tell you that you can reclaim your life. You have the power within you to do amazing things, and grabbing control of your weight is just the beginning. But how? I'm not going to say that my way is right or wrong, bad or good. It's what I did. I immediately started eating 1,500 calories a day and exercising however I could, and trust me, it wasn't much, but remember, anything is better than nothing. And you'll be amazed at how far you'll progress along the way if you stay consistent.
Read the labels, buy a calorie book, look calories up on the internet. All the information you need is out there. Even before you do that, it's very important to sit down and have a long internal discussion with yourself. Write down what you want out of life. Dream a little! Get it on paper or on a computer screen, whatever, just write. Form your motivating thoughts and hold onto them tight, you're gonna need them to get through this.
Make your motivating thoughts one of the most important things you think about daily. Then DECIDE that you will defend the pursuit of those desires every waking minute. DECIDE to live, DECIDE to change, DECIDE to once and for all take a stand for yourself. Stand up and demand respect from the one that has given you the least, and that's you. DECIDE that it isn't going to end this way, obesity is no longer in charge of your destiny, you are. BELIEVE you have the power to render powerless every hang up that stopped you before, because YOU DO. DECIDE that no matter the struggles in your day to day life, one thing will never be compromised, and that's your commitment to this journey.
Don't do what I did for years, I don't know you , maybe you've done it for years too...Don't lie to yourself. Don't assume you have time to worry about it later. DECIDE to do it NOW and leave the worry behind. I'm right at about half way through my journey, and I've never been happier. That happiness I speak of comes from hope that I never had before. That happiness exist regardless of my current circumstances. Regardless of the stress level from whatever it is that's stressing us out, that happiness and hope remains and carries us through. DECIDE that you're worth it, because YOU ARE. DECIDE to LOVE YOURSELF enough to make the changes that will set you free.
Listen, I've never been one for dramatics, and I know this page is full of dramatics, but please know that it comes from a very sincere place. I wish you could take my place and feel what I'm feeling. Please go back in the archives and read from day 1. Every day is indexed on the left hand side of the page. And if you want, send me an e-mail and we'll communicate directly. Whoever you are, best wishes.
Well, that was interesting. That was written in early 2009. I still had so much to learn, so much to experience and so much more to consider along the way. And you know what? I'll be able to say the same thing in seven years when I revisit June 2016. The learning/evolving continues every day.
I'm certainly learning all about schedules of late. Work schedules, personal schedules and sleep schedules--and how all three dramatically affect the others.
I'm headed home to see my grandson and prepare dinner.
I'm maintaining the integrity of my calorie budget, I'm remaining abstinent from refined sugar, I'm drinking a minimum 64oz water (some days a bunch more!) and I'm staying in contact with great support connections.
Continuous Live-Tweet Stream:
Two cup bottle of water for drive to mom's. Missing my "driving coffee." :) #wateraccountability pic.twitter.com/dbiZxn6wpp— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 5, 2016
Appetizer! 12 chips and fresh chunky salsa. 167 cal. pic.twitter.com/SUSo9fB4lT— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 6, 2016
Dinner in MFP... pic.twitter.com/S5IDuWHot7— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 6, 2016
Amnts approx: Spicy Sour Cream Chicken Tacos w/8oz chicken, 45g sr crm, jalapeños, salsa & lettuce. 533 cal. pic.twitter.com/d7cxR13gLD— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 6, 2016
No way I'm making 10pm lights out. Not happening tonight. And that's not good. I've got some evaluating to do. Still remaining positive.— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 6, 2016
Drive home decaffeinated coffee w/2 tbsp half&half. Not sure the point of this. I suppose it's hot. And tasty. 40cal pic.twitter.com/2UdvJa0TOs— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 6, 2016
Hitting the pillow. #zzzzzzz— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 6, 2016
#morningdeal accountability tweets also serve as a reminder of when I need a haircut. 2cH20, 20push-ups-20squats✔️ pic.twitter.com/CBBRp03k5N— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 6, 2016
It's Monday! Good morning. Two tablespoons half&half in my dark roast. And a refill to go on the way out. 80 cal. pic.twitter.com/3TgA8zCG1X— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 6, 2016
Breakfast in MFP... pic.twitter.com/UBCeJPjkPo— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 6, 2016
3 egg whts&1 whl w/143g avocado, 5oz apple & Ezekiel toast w/1oz 1/3 lessfat crm cheese&18g SF strwbry. 605 cal. pic.twitter.com/Rv8cCwz0Dt— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 6, 2016
Banana Nachos & Coffee. #midmorningsomething 5oz banana, 16g chunky natural peanut butter & 2 tbsp half&half. 225cal pic.twitter.com/bx2jWQEFIO— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 6, 2016
Midday dark roast with three tablespoons half & half. 60 cal. pic.twitter.com/rSqHgdnwHR— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 6, 2016
Lunch in MFP... pic.twitter.com/QjFjPIT1o7— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 6, 2016
Bean&Cheese Tostadas w/130g ff-sf beans, salsa, 2 slices provolone, lettuce & 15g sr crm. 11.1oz fresh peach. 468cal pic.twitter.com/CestHdkUNI— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 6, 2016
Cup of decaf with two tablespoons half & half. 40 cal. pic.twitter.com/O7ZKVgKMiL— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 6, 2016
6.5oz orange. 86 cal. pic.twitter.com/BjKu0MbsK4— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 6, 2016
Thank you for reading and your continued support,