I love love love conversing with people about the dynamics along this road. Sometimes, if someone messages me and I spend some time engaging in a discussion, I will have the thought--this needs to be on the blog. I always ask the other person if it's okay to use the transcript with the assurance that it'll be 100% anonymous. This occasional practice does three things--number one, I'm connecting with people--it helps them, and it helps me, and two--by sharing some of the thoughts discussed, here, there's potential it might help someone else. And three, it helps me by becoming a source of content for this blog I'm committed to writing on a daily basis. I typically don't copy/paste/edit anything I exchange with my one on one or group clients, but occasionally, still--a thought or conversation with a client will serve as inspiration, and that's different.
I wasn't able to get permission to copy/paste/edit anonymity from a conversation yesterday, but I can share my part and do my best to describe their situation. It was a very very familiar one to me.
The discussion was with someone in a very similar situation I was in at the top of my relapse/regain. They have gained back a large amount of their initial loss and now, they're ready to turn this around. The shame, guilt, and self-loathing is making it very difficult to change the momentum of the slide. I get it. Oh my, I remember those days very well. They even wrote words I remember saying back then, "I can't stand myself." The initial purpose of the message was centered on food advice.
I'm so glad you messaged me!! The very first thing I HAD to do in order to turn around a massive slide was one of the hardest things I've ever done. But it was imperative for me in order to move forward in a positive way.
I had to forgive myself.
I had to dig deep and embrace all the good in me--acknowledge it and realize that my level of food addiction didn't make me a horrible person or a stupid person.
You wrote, "I can't stand myself." And I get that, I do--believe me, I felt that way about myself too.
But, if we remain in that unkind and unforgiving place, where we constantly beat ourselves up for our perceived failures--then we're unable to move forward. We essentially, actually, quite literally, hold ourselves in a down position.
If we can't forgive ourselves and we can't get past feeling horrible about ourselves, then why would we feel compelled to do anything positive for this person we can't stand?
Before the discussion turns to food options and exercise routines, it's important in my opinion to shift the perspective away from "this is what's wrong with me," and toward, "What have I learned from this experience?"
Because that analysis has the greatest chance of offering life changing epiphanies--perspective shifting acknowledgments-- and these things can lead to a peace and embrace of your plan like you might not have thought possible.
Offer yourself compassion, understanding, and forgiveness--the same you would freely extend to someone you love dearly--give it to you. You deserve it. You're smart. You're determined. You're capable. It's in YOU. This isn't the end. It doesn't need to continue in this direction one day further.
Please, please, please, embrace you, forgive you, have compassion for you--inventory the amazing things about YOU...and believe it.
When we extend ourselves love, compassion, and understanding---and we acknowledge and embrace our truth--magical things can happen.
Marinate on this, please--and I'd be happy to chat about food options and strategies, later. 🙂
My best always--Sean
If you're not a client of mine and you have a support conversation with me and it ends up as part of a blog post here, please understand it's done from a very pure place. If I feel something might help someone else, then I'm sharing. I always keep it anonymous unless there's permission otherwise. And it's not every single time--in fact, it's rare. Maybe a half dozen times a year. I communicate with several people each week and I love it and you'll never see or hear about 99% of the dynamics discussed in those conversations. Helping someone else helps me. I'm passionate about sharing my experiences along this road, I just hope it helps or has helped whoever is reading.
At the end of the day, I'm just like you or anyone else along this road--I am one choice away from going the other direction. My successful maintenance isn't guaranteed. I do not know it all. But what I do know is this: If I wake up each day and give my plan the reverence it requires for my continued care, then I have the best chance at continued recovery.
I started this morning with the first of my early morning exercise routines. Today was simply a walk at 4:30am. It is incredibly peaceful at 4:30am. Everything is still, quiet and different from the energy of any other time of day or night. I must say, I enjoyed it very much. I'm committing to doing this a minimum two times each week. And a total of four exercise sessions per week, minimum. This part of my personal plan has suffered for several months now--and without an actionable plan, it can't change. With an actionable plan-- anything is possible.
Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I exercised first thing this morning, I met my daily water goal, and I stayed well connected with great support.
Today's Accountability Tweets:
My first early morning workout-first thing, starts now! Found the jacket- it's a cool 59 degrees F. Alright-I'm stalling- out the door I go! pic.twitter.com/MwlIOguTyx— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) August 29, 2017
First early morn walk✅Done! It was great! Very still in the 4am hour. Then, 2 cups water 20 push-ups & 20 squats #morningdeal Done✅ coffeeX! pic.twitter.com/9yyV2Etfxg— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) August 29, 2017
3 tbs half & half in the first cup, another 3 tbs half & half in the to-go cup refill, soon. 120 cal. pic.twitter.com/869Z5n2CD9— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) August 29, 2017
Breakfast in MyFitnessPal. Not shown: 4.4oz orange. pic.twitter.com/AWjc2OluUY— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) August 29, 2017
3 egg whites, 1 whole egg, and 2 slices provolone on toasted Ezekiel. 229g cantaloupe & 4.4oz orange. 537 cal. pic.twitter.com/QxCcJZ2KMe— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) August 29, 2017
Lunch in MyFitnessPal. Not shown: 30g sour cream & 292g cantaloupe. pic.twitter.com/Hl73D0QJuy— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) August 29, 2017
Tostadas w/174g fat free refried beans, 2 tbs salsa, 2 slices provolone, 30g lettuce & 30g sour cream. 292g cantaloupe. 557 cal. pic.twitter.com/TSBbOH1r3N— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) August 29, 2017
3 tbs half & half in this afternoon cup of dark roast. 60 cal. pic.twitter.com/Awgfqzggjf— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) August 29, 2017
Steak & Rings...it's what's for dinner. pic.twitter.com/wDKacq7EXS— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) August 30, 2017
Dinner in MyFitnessPal. Not shown: 145g red potatoes, 1 tbs half & half, and - very precise 3.5g (1/4 tbs) butter. pic.twitter.com/RQuJHhgJfV— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) August 30, 2017
Sirloin trimmed to 6oz, 156g onion sliced & baked w/1 egg wht, 46g crn meal & 6secOOSpray. 145g red pot.w/1 tbs half&half&3g butter. 741 cal pic.twitter.com/R7tREaGCqQ— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) August 30, 2017
2 cups water meets today's #watergoal 4.9oz New Zealand Kanzi apple w/32g natural peanut butter #lastfoodofday 284 cal. pic.twitter.com/lhqSGYMPdu— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) August 30, 2017
Thank you for reading and your continued support,