Friday, March 29, 2019

March 29th, 2019 Rarely Stop To Count

March 29th, 2019 Rarely Stop To Count

Yesterday was a 7-star day: I maintained the integrity of my calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I met my daily water goal, I took a nice 30-minute walk, and I stayed well connected with exceptional support.

Happy Friday! My goodness, look at the time! Oh no, I will not miss a daily post. I haven't missed one in five years, I'm not starting now. Actually, in a month it'll be five years of daily posting. Wow, that's something... hmmm... I guess I rarely stop to count. One day at a time, right?

My early morning started with severe weather coverage, first thing, so there wasn't time this morning--then, I got caught up in a busy Friday before getting lured into a much needed, short, late-afternoon nap. And then... Blog!!!! Twelve hours late is better than skipping a day, I say.

Anyway, where were we?

Yesterday was not too bad at all. I met my goal of finishing dinner before my Thursday night group support call. Often times I'll end up waiting and that sets me up for a late night. So yeah, baby steps toward keeping a better schedule, right? It helped that I picked the easiest dinner to prepare. Baked salmon and fresh cut and baked sweet potato fries couldn't be easier. Cut it, weigh it, season it, bake it... 20 minutes later, done. Simple!

I almost didn't get my walk. It was late, I was noticing it was a little stuffy in my apartment--and I certainly didn't want to turn on the air conditioning this early, so I stepped outside--it felt great out there, so I laced up and hit the pavement. I'm glad I made that choice. I felt better for it.

From the archives--February 2009 with a few "insight edits" pertaining to the dynamics of addiction:

The Great Escape

For too many years I felt imprisoned by my obesity. I guess I always realized that there was a way to escape, but the escape plan seemed too unlikely. Maybe impossible is the word. Maybe not impossible, I mean, really I knew it was possible, others had gone before me, but escaping was just something I dreamed about and talked about when no one was looking or listening.

Like a prisoner behind bars, I just accepted that there were things I couldn't do as a 500-pound man, things I probably never would do, or so I thought.

I tried to escape several times, but I allowed my emotions, my fears, and my habits to drag me back like guard dogs at the gate. And just as an escapee gets extra time, I'd get extra pounds after every unsuccessful attempt.

Escaping from the prison of obesity forever isn't something that can be done without careful planning, understanding, and opening your mind to learn. Writing about my feelings and experiences every day and trying to grasp a thorough understanding of what hasn't worked and why, and what can work and why, and listening to others in successful recovery, is like studying the blueprints and guard assignments of the prison.

As I go from 505 pounds to a healthy weight, I'm breaking down every obstacle that stands in the way. What's amazing is, some of those obstacles, the psychological hang-ups--have seemingly lost their power over me like a guard giving a prisoner a wink and looking the other way.

And when I tell people “you can do this too,” it's like we're a group of prisoners planning our great escape. The teamwork and accountability to each other is a key element in seeing daylight here.

Unfortunately, not everyone will make it out this time. Some will get caught by emotions, stress, and a deep seeded belief that escaping is nearly impossible. The dynamics of addiction will keep some locked in what will feel like solitary confinement. We must tell them they're not alone.

But for those of us who do make it out and into recovery, our letters and stories of hope from the outside can serve to inspire the imprisoned and help them understand the blueprints and guard assignments a little better for future attempts.

I've been the one caught by the guards so many times. And when I would settle back in my cell, I'd just accept it for a little while, forgetting about the freedom others speak of, not wanting to hear about what was possible...just focusing on what I perceived as nearly impossible.

I was waiting for the right time to make my run.

Then one day I realized that I had to escape now or else die too young within those stone walls. I didn't have time to wait for “the right time” to magically happen. My time had to be now regardless of the emotional and psychological hurdles, not to mention the progressive and tightening grip food addiction and compulsive overeating had on me. I didn't need to have all the answers, but I had to be willing to listen and do certain intentional actions each day.

I'm navigating this escape plan with guidance from those that have gone before me. I'm always studying past escape attempts and analyzing where and why they failed. I can see daylight from here my friend, and it looks so good it makes me want to cry tears of joy.

Let's go for it!

Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Practice, peace, and calm,
Sean

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1 comment:

  1. The joy of getting rid of the pounds that tied you down, controlled you, very likely would have killed you much before your time, is certainly worthy of shedding some tears. Change, permanent change is hard. It's overwhelming to even consider when you're morbidly obese. In order to truly embrace that change you will need every ounce of determination and courage you possess. And when you're on the other side, finally living the life you were meant to live, it's even more wonderful than you can imagine when you're starting out. Yep--definitely worth some happy tears!!

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