Thursday, August 11, 2016

August 11th, 2016 Hard To Get Back Up

August 11th, 2016 Hard To Get Back Up

It's been a long day! I finished my radio show this morning before racing off to a morning location broadcast from a wellness fair. I ran into the director of our local YMCA as they were setting up their display. Running into him always brings back memories of my 2004 weight loss attempt. He was always incredibly supportive and when I started regaining the hundred pounds I lost, I had a very hard time facing him in public. In fact, I'd go out of my way to avoid him if I could. I felt like I had let him down. The same dynamic unfolded during my 164-pound relapse/regain period. This time, it was even worse because around the time of my book's release, I was hired as a speaker in Kansas City for YMCA-USA's Mid-States Conference, YMCA-Kansas state conference and the state conference for YMCA-Oklahoma. So then, it wasn't just him I felt I disappointed--it was the entire YMCA organization on a regional and national level!

Part of my turnaround from relapse/regain--a HUGE part, was first forgiving myself and extending me the same compassion, understanding, and love I'd freely give a friend or family member in a similar situation. Once I embraced self-forgiveness--I was able to get over myself and realize, the one I let down wasn't the director of the Y or anyone associated with the organization... It was me. And as long as my relapse/regain continued, I spent that time avoiding me--avoiding getting real with me. I didn't want to face me. My constant negative thoughts about me and what I did, was something I regularly projected onto every person around... Because if I felt this way about me...surely they did, too. It wasn't true.

I was always my harshest critic. I was always the one shaking my head in disgust. I was the one holding myself in a down position, then wondering why it was so hard to get back up!

Self-forgiveness and a self-compassionate embrace cleared the deck of all the negative nonsense taking up the mental and emotional space I needed to devise a sustainable plan.

I didn't avoid the Y director today. And I haven't avoided myself in almost two and a half years since the turnaround from relapse/regain started. It all felt right and good.

Today, I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained abstinent from refined sugar, I exceeded my daily water goal, I stayed connected with great support and I enjoyed a fabulous workout tonight before a small grocery trip and returning home to prepare an amazing meal.

Continuous Accountability Live-Tweet Stream:

Thank you for reading and your continued support,


  1. What do you stuff your mushrooms with? They look really good.

  2. What do you stuff your mushrooms with? They look really good.


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