There are some days when it feels like there's a constant vibration of emotional energy, a state of being where you teeter between a few different emotions, any of which could manifest with a dam burst of tears, overflowing with force until it's once again a gentle, fragile stream. I'm rarely in that emotional state--but boy howdy, I was today. My dam didn't burst, but maybe it needed to burst. Am I pregnant? Or is that my daughter? I'm pretty sure it's my oldest daughter who's pregnant.
When I posted last night's edition, I noticed the pictures didn't load properly. Instead of the photos, it said I needed to upgrade my Photobucket file storage account to allow 3rd party hosting. I quickly posted the pictures to the blog without using Photobucket embed codes--the formatting is a little different, and I prefer the way the Photobucket pics embed. But clearly, something was wrong.
I looked through some archived editions--and the pictures were gone on those, too. Replaced with what amounts to a ransom request.
You see--this blog is very special to me. It's a nearly 9-year account of some powerful transformations in my life. It's 2,000 blog pages long--and it's something I'm immensely grateful for, proud of, passionate about protecting, and deeply connected with--and--- wow, when I put it like that, it's like my baby.
A big part of my baby is the nearly 2,000 photos shared along the way, 90% of which have been embedded directly from my personal Photobucket storage account. Now, they want money--or else the pictures are gone from this blog, until I pay up. See what I mean? Ransom.
I kept my cool last night. I've had a great experience with Photobucket--I've ordered custom canvas prints--spent a good amount of money with them--and at one time, I paid for a premium membership, and I can do it again, no problem--I mean, really--what could it be?? It should be something reasonable, right?? No. I don't begrudge anyone or any company the right to make a living. It's business--people got to eat and provide for their families. But with millions of Photobucket users, certainly this will be a reasonable amount--I'll happily pay it, and the blog pictures will be restored. Uh--no...
They want $399.00 per year, paid annually, in order for the pictures to remain throughout the archives of this blog. That's nuts.
Some days, support connections reach out to me--and those support exchanges help both of us. Today, I reached out for support from three different people. I had to pause more today than most days, and without this pause--I would have been face first in the food, I guarantee it. It took some intentional actions instead of mindless reactions--and I was talked down from the ledge, so to speak. I don't mean I was about to go off the deep end--I was just catastrophizing the situation. But believe me--I'm VERY capable of going over the deep end. There isn't a magic place where we're somehow immune from the dangers of relapse/regain. If I don't practice these things I make important each and every day, I'm at super high risk.
Good support connections helped me come up with a plan for tomorrow. I'm hoping to reach a real person on the phone and possibly work out a deal of some sort. It's not the end of the world. It's not the end of this blog.
Thank goodness I started transitioning to non-Photobucket stored images about a year or so ago--but still, about 90% of the pics on this blog are affected.
I'm grateful for the tremendous support contacts. I'm grateful for so many things-- to make it through a day like today--and that emotional vibration...and hit the pillow with the integrity of my maintenance plan intact--that, to me, is a miracle.
It's not easy to express such vulnerability. Part of me is wanting to delete this entire post. But I will not. Because this is real--and these days come and thank goodness, they go. And it's never as bad as my affected brain likes to make it in the moment.
Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I exceeded today's water goal, I stayed well connected with exceptional support, and I rocked a wonderful workout at the YMCA.
Today's Accountability Tweets:
2 cups water, 20 push-ups & 20 squats- oh my...after last night's stairs and 30/30, I feel it! #morningdeal done! ✅✅✅ Coffee time. pic.twitter.com/QX3vy817Ft— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) July 10, 2017
3 tbs half & half in the first, 3 tbs half & half in a to-go cup refill. 120 cal. pic.twitter.com/Fvkeiz2me0— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) July 10, 2017
Breakfast in MyFitnessPal... pic.twitter.com/DYQiZHbeb9— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) July 10, 2017
Revised breakfast in MyFitnessPal... pic.twitter.com/7m1lw21169— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) July 10, 2017
Ezekiel toasts. One w/78g avocado, one w/2 egg whites-2 whole eggs & 1 slice provolone. 251g watermelon. 594 cal. pic.twitter.com/cZLsTkY4fq— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) July 10, 2017
2 tbs half & half in this midmorning cup of dark roast. 40 cal. pic.twitter.com/l3rdJFSQEB— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) July 10, 2017
Lunch in MyFitnessPal. Not shown in screen shot: 40g lettuce & 30g sour cream. pic.twitter.com/bIyikCYHQY— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) July 10, 2017
8 Layer Tostadas w/179g fat free beans, 2 tbs salsa, 58g olives, 2 slices marble-jack, 76g avocado mixed w/40g lettuce & 30g sr crm. 675 cal pic.twitter.com/UdoN7vbezU— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) July 10, 2017
3 tbs half & half in this afternoon cup of coffee. 60 cal. pic.twitter.com/CyZnbU14N9— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) July 10, 2017
Dinner in MyFitnessPal... pic.twitter.com/3tRJ6a7bih— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) July 11, 2017
4.9oz baked salmon, 209g green beans, 261g sweet potato diced & pan prepared w/93g red onion & 5 seconds olive oil cooking spray. 627 cal. pic.twitter.com/GKmduxKvHU— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) July 11, 2017
Workout starts now. Solid max level 20/30 minutes elliptical dance. 2 cup bottle of water #wateraccountability pic.twitter.com/Tf40JXzAZD— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) July 11, 2017
Solid 20/30 done.✅✅ #endorphinparty #yahtrockedit #feelingbetter #neededthat pic.twitter.com/JEwuvnqqkm— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) July 11, 2017
237g watermelon, 53g banana, and 4.7oz apple #lastfoodofday 1.5 cups water exceeds today's #watergoal pic.twitter.com/LOwDG07LMM— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) July 11, 2017
Thank you for reading and your continued support,