Friday, July 7, 2017

July 7th, 2017 The Emotions Still Come

July 7th, 2017 The Emotions Still Come

Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained refined sugar-free, I exceeded my daily water goal, and I stayed connected with good support contacts.

Today was an exceptionally long day. I left work at a relatively normal time, made it home to prepare a good lunch--and just before finishing the meal, the thunderstorm warning was released for our county--it was back to work for me! The storms never affected our immediate area, but did affect our listening area. And they were slow moving, almost stationary--and those, for me, means longer time at the studio waiting for them to run their course.

Speaking of running their course. Let's talk feelings. See how I tied that together? I've been thinking about emotions, acting instead of reacting--and discussing these critically important things with people in support communications. One thing I must always remember is what Life Coach Gerri taught me a very long time ago: "Feelings have a beginning and an end." They pass. In other words, everything doesn't need to be taken to the extreme, but if you're like me, often--feelings are either all or nothing--it's a catastrophe or not a big deal at all...there's rarely middle ground. And it's better now. But that tendency to take circumstances, wrap 'em in feelings--then take 'em all the way to eleven, is still there. Learning how to manage those--and feel those feelings in a positive/constructive way, is an ongoing practice. It's an important practice, because...

The emotions still come. And those feelings are normal to experience. The issue with me was/is how my brain is wired to react with avoidance and automatically goes to "more food" as a diversion or reprieve, if you will, from the emotions at hand. I did that so long, that I eventually realized, my emotional development was actually stunted. Stunted because the dependency on food to "take me away" or "calm," did take me away from learning how to process emotions in healthier ways.

No emotion was left untouched, the solution was always the same. All of them- happy, sad, angry, confused, disappointed- you name it, my automatic response was more food "will make this better." And on the surface, it did take me away- and that created an illusion of "things are better." But the illusion, as you know, quickly fades, and the triggering circumstance and resulting emotions still exist--just laying in wait until next time. So- what I've had to do is pause... 

Pause. Just enough to act instead of react. It's one of the hardest things to do. The old pattern is hard wired and for me, is supported and complicated by the powerful responses from the addictive center of my brain- So, breaking that pattern has required strong support and intentional effort. It's never perfect--it's simply a practice.

It's about shifting the perspective to: How can I act instead of react? This, in my opinion, is paramount for our continued positive progress. My hard wired reactions kept me at 500 pounds for nearly two decades.

With this practice comes new opportunities for me to learn how to feel and process emotions in a way that, maybe not always perfect or completely centered, but certainly improved from the patterns of the past.

I'm sleeping in tomorrow morning--I'm so excited!

Today's Accountability Tweets:


























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean

2 comments:

  1. I too feel like I missed a lot of stages of development. Some of them I have learned as my kids hit those ages and stages. I have worked with a therapist for many years now, and that was a big turning point for me. I needed an objective eye. In many ways, I needed a parent.

    Very well written post.

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  2. I've read that we stop in our development when we started to gain the weight, so for me that would have been age 6. Indeed, therapy also helped me move beyond the early elementary, into adulting.

    It does help to feel feelings, then let them go. Therapy gave me that and I still use those lessons from early 2000's. Onward. It feels good to feel feelings without eating over them.

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