Friday, January 2, 2009

Day 109 Revisiting The Gorging Grounds of T-Town and Smoking-It Ends Tonight

Day 109

Revisiting The Gorging Grounds Of T-Town and Smoking-It Ends Tonight

Just to clear up something you might have read in those articles I posted yesterday. The part about “divorce pending” was because Irene and I were separated. We of course got back together, never divorced, and are doing just fine! With that said, I can't tell you how much Irene has supported me 100% for so many years. She's been through everyone of my “somedays.” Her patience with me has been above and beyond what most spouses would endure. This mission is crucial to making my life better for me, my daughters, and my beautiful wife. At over 500 pounds, I was flirting with death all the time. Regardless of my “good numbers”, the body can only take so much. And when you're standing by someone's side and watching them slowly kill themselves you reach a point where you're tired of hearing “someday.” You reach a point when you just have to let them go and they'll either get it together or slowly deteriorate into a much worse existence. I'm afraid that after 20 years worth of “somedays”, Irene was extremely close to making that critical decision to no longer be a party to my slow and steady self-destruction. I really couldn't blame her. That was one of many important motivators for me to embark on this journey. If you're trying to start a similar journey, think real hard about what is really important to you, then fight for it with everything you have. I've had to do some serious soul searching during the last 109 days. When I feel weak I have to focus on what really is at the heart of this mission. And that's being here for my family for as long as God allows. I want to show my family what you can do when you put your mind to it. I never want to say “someday” again. These are things that I really wasn't focused on when those two articles were written. As a comedian, I was more focused on getting the exposure in the Tulsa World, than the heart of the issues that I was proclaiming to tackle. I wasn't thinking about the benefits in terms of my health, I was thinking in terms of how many more people might come to see the show when I performed. I feel like I've grown so much in the last seven years. When I read those articles, I feel like I'm reading quotes from a kid with much to learn. But posting those links was a way to illustrate how New Years resolutions without some serious internal discussion are doomed from day 1. I honestly don't think I lost any weight that year and I didn't quit smoking. I felt like a complete fraud back then. I'm a very different person today, and that maturity has finally enabled me to grab control with a much greater understanding of me. Tonight I will pray for strength from above to overcome something even more powerful than food, and that's cigarettes. Am I nuts for trying to do both at the same time? Maybe a little adventurous, but I feel like I need to now, and I'll just have to deal with it. I can do it, and I'll be so immensely proud of myself for defeating that habit, it'll be such a wonderful thing!

This evening Courtney and I visited the walking trail for a workout. Lately it seems the only way I feel like I'm really getting a good walk is to do a 5K, and that's exactly what I did. 3.1 miles worth, all while listening to my favorite songs! The walk was so much easier with my tunes. It does make a difference! I do miss our walking trail conversations, but these were never a good idea anyway, because in order to stay in the conversation, Courtney, Irene, and Amber would have to walk at my pace, not theirs. So when we're at the walking trail or the YMCA, it's not about visiting and enjoying each others company, it's about working hard. And tonight's New Year Day 5K was a real workout. It was great. And I had zero problems with blisters. The one I had is all healed and I took the necessary precautions to prevent another. After lacking the past week in the workout category, I really needed every kilometer of that walk!

Tomorrow we're traveling to Tulsa and we plan on having lunch at Casa Bonita. If you're not familiar with this legendary place, let me introduce you. It's a restaurant that's been turned into a little mexican village. Their specialty is the “Deluxe Dinner.” It's a platter full of your mexican favorites, and when you want more of anything, you just raise the flag and they bring it out! Then, when you're done with your meal, they bring you freshly fried sopapias with butter and honey. How am I going to handle such a place? Well, lucky for me they have an ala cart menu. There's no reason for me to order the “all you care to enjoy” meal. I'll enjoy a reasonable portion in a slow and relaxing fashion. And I'm pretty sure I'll skip the sopapias. I could probably have one, but I really don't want to spend the calories. It's just a choice. A good choice in deed. Good night and...

Good Choices,
Sean

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