Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Day 129 Weigh Day Number Eight Oh So Close

Day 129

Weigh Day Number Eight Oh So Close!

I don't know, maybe I was stressing over it a little too much. I had a goal to meet and I came up just short. I really felt like I'd done enough to hit the goal, but like I've said, I admit I haven't done everything I could have to get it done, and that makes me a little disappointed in myself. Not overly disappointed, but disappointed never the less. I weighed in at 406 today! Exactly 99 pounds down from my starting weight of 505. My two week total this time came in at 9 pounds, just a pound shy of that 10 pound goal I set two weeks ago. In my weigh day text update I put “I feel like a runner-up,” So close to the prize I was seeking, but just short. I will be happy with 9 pounds and move on. Like I said, I have no one to blame but me. This entire mission is up to me to follow through everyday, and if I don't give it my all, then I can't complain when the results aren't exactly what I wanted. I'm the captain of this flight and it all depends on me and my choices. I'm obviously making some good choices to average 4 ½ pounds a week over the last two, but could I have pushed just a tad harder and hit the 100 pound mark? I'm 100% sure of it. I'll tell ya, I wanted that scale to read 405 so bad! I stood there for a good minute waiting for it to readjust down to 405, but no matter how I stood or moved, it wasn't budging from 406. If I hadn't feared arrest, I might have started shedding clothes and I would have made it to 405 before I got in too much trouble. Several people sent me back a text that said to use the bathroom, then weigh again. But I didn't feel the need, or else I would've I promise you. And so it goes, 9 more pounds gone, and a big weigh day coming up. The next weigh day should find me well past the 100 pound mark and into the 300's!!! Now that's exciting! So I'm all good. I'm thrilled to be consistently losing the weight. I feel incredible.

Weak moments still make their way into my daily routine. I wonder if they'll ever go away. Not too long ago, in this last two week period as a matter of fact, I had one of these moments. I didn't go over my calories at all, but I really cut my dinner short that day. I didn't make it that big of a deal because it didn't break me, it just let me know that I'm not some kind of calorie counting super hero. I had to run to the dollar store to pick up a few things late in the afternoon. As I waited in line to pay I stared down the candy shelfs. There it was. My favorite, heck Americas favorite candy bar looking right back at me. I knew I had the calories for it, but still I knew that it would run me really short for dinner. I don't understand what kind of mad rebellion made me grab that Snickers Bar, but I did. When the cashier handed me the receipt, I quickly tossed it back, telling her I didn't need the evidence. I guess I was disappointed in the way I had that Snickers. If I would've simply decided to eat it, subtracted from my calorie allotment, and moved on, it would have been better than what I did. Instead, I opened it immediately when I got to my vehicle and I devoured it like it was some big secret. I knew that the calories wouldn't put me over, in fact I still had 360 calories left for dinner, but it was the way I did it that bothered me. It reminded me of the times I use to “sneak eat” on the way home from work, and then pretend like it never happened. I didn't allow it to go that far. I made myself count the calories and I suffered with a much lighter dinner later. But it served as a reminder to always be on guard. I didn't need that Snickers Bar at all, if I wanted something sweet I could've had an ice cream bar for 110 when I got home. But I made the decision and I suffered the consequences later. Really, it just boiled down to a bad calorie management decision. I've mis-managed my calories many times in the last 129 days, and had to skimp on my dinner calories as a result. But the way I went about this really bugged me. I should have blogged about that incident that night, but since I didn't go over, I couldn't call it a true meltdown. I think I just wanted to put it behind me and move on. But I realize that it's important to share these moments. Losing 99 pounds so far is tremendous, but it isn't always perfect. I understand that these moments are little test along the way. I didn't fail that test really, but I barely passed with a D.

I'm not going to make any short term goals for the next two weeks. I'm just going to do the best I can and see what the scales say in two weeks. I'm not really worried about it at all. I know that I can easily surpass the 100 pound mark, shoot, I could do that by tomorrow, I may have already! And I know that I'm in a position to cruise into the 300's. That will be so awesome! I really can't wait to say “I weigh three hundred and X pounds”...This is progress my friend, progress I can only feel good about. Thank you for reading! Until tomorrow evening, good night and...

Good Choices

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