Thursday, January 22, 2009

Day 130 Reinforced Resolve and Excuses Never Had A Chance

Day 130

Reinforced Resolve and Excuses Never Had A Chance

I just know I pushed myself past the 100 pounds lost point today. I dramatically increased my water consumption, my calorie budget still has a couple hundred left, and I worked out extra hard tonight. This is the kind of effort I need to demand from within everyday. Something really kicked in today. I'm finished with beating myself up over not hitting the ten pound two week goal. It was nine, that's more than enough to be proud of. I talked to a friend today who reminded me how fortunate I am to lose so consistently. Of course I haven't hit a plateau yet. I keep hearing people say that one may come along one of these days soon, but I hope it waits a little while, because this rocks! I ran into a semi-stranger today too. A semi-stranger is someone you see quite often at your favorite store, or the bank, or anywhere out in public, but you've never actually met them. You recognize them, they recognize you, but that's as far as it goes. I don't even know his name, but he asked me if I'd been losing weight. I told him about my 99 pounds in 129 days and he practically gave me a counseling session about how this was way too fast to lose weight. “You're putting your body in shock!” What? If this is what shock feels like, turn up the juice! Really, I appreciate this gentleman's concern, I do, but let me explain something. I started at over a QUARTER TON. At 505 pounds my body had reached it's limit. I was out of breath at the slightest hint of exercise, I mean just walking down the hall to answer a phone, that was it...I could barely breathe. I have no idea how many calories I was consuming everyday at 505 pounds, but it had to be a bunch. Anyway, then I went to 1,500 calories a day and exercising, and my body reacted like I expected. I started dropping weight quickly. I remember hearing about an 800 pound man that was hospitalized in an emergency effort to save his life from the clutches of morbid obesity. On a hospital supervised plan he dropped over 80 pounds in the first month. Nobody said “hey, you're losing it too fast!” He was under twenty four hour medical supervision. It's just a fact, the more you need to lose, the faster it will come off at first. If all I needed to lose was 100 pounds, then yes, that would have been a little fast. But I still have nearly twice that amount to go. I'm sure I'll be grinding out that last 60 pounds at a much slower pace just like anyone else. But that's alright by me because that means I'll be below 300 pounds for the first time since I was sixteen. It made me feel great that he noticed.

I have to tell you, I feel so much stronger now. I'm really energized for a big push. I haven't had any weak moments today at all. I'm telling you, you could put a case of candy bars in front of me right now and I would pass it by. I haven't had to give myself a talk all day long. I'm ready for some big changes on the horizon and I'm really looking forward to how it'll make me feel. Why the sudden reinforcement of resolve? I think it really helped me to relate the Snickers story in yesterdays edition. Recounting that experience made me confront the emotions and behaviors that I allowed to put me in that situation. I use to grab candy bars and ice cream all the time, I just didn't care, but things are different now. Now I care more than ever, and my days of secretly scarfing hundreds of calories while running errands are over. There is nothing I can't eat on this very simple plan. I'll have a candy bar again someday, I'll eat fried mushrooms from the Hideaway again, I'll even enjoy a McDonald's Fillet-O-Fish at some point. I'm not deprived at all. I'm simply understanding normal portions and the importance of water and exercise. So when I have a craving for something really loaded, and I can't afford the calories that day, I just tell myself “Hey, not today, maybe soon, maybe later, but definitely someday.” And then when I do enjoy that indulgence, I'll share it with someone and we'll both enjoy a sensible portion.

This journey is often times more mental workouts than physical ones. It is a mindset, it is a decision, and the rewards are the good consequences of those decisions. I was always too busy coming up with excuses for why I couldn't do this. But you know what? Once you really decide to do it 100%, the excuses lose their power completely. If you're facing this same struggle then embrace yourself and decide to live! Because this is living my friend. I may still be slightly over 400 pounds, but I can move again! I can go to Wal-Mart and walk the entire store with a positive-effortless stride instead of a labored waddle. I can breathe again, I can hurry if I need to, I can do things that 100 pounds ago was completely unthinkable. When the results are that dramatic, it makes you want more. I have no idea what I'll feel like a hundred pounds lighter from now, but if it's as dramatic a change as the first hundred, then I can't wait! Thank you for reading this daily blog. Until tomorrow evening, good night and...

Good Choices,

1 comment:

  1. Almost 2 1/2 years after you posted this, I am finding your self-talk to be very helpful. Today I had an overwhelming urge to sneak through the drive-thru at BK and get a Whopper. It would be my dirty little secret and only me and the scale would know. Instead I reminded myself that Burger King was probably going to keep cranking out Whoppers for a very long time. And when I'm more in control and have budgeted for such an item, I can have it. It just wasn't going to be today.

    Thanks so much for sharing your story. I cannot tell you how much it is helping me.

    angie v


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