Monday, January 26, 2009

Day 134 The Last Days of This Belt and A Very Different Path This Time

Day 134

The Last Days of This Belt and A Very Different Path This Time

We have a habit of going to the YMCA in the evenings. Tonight our plans were changed by a thin glaze of ice everywhere. I didn't really think about the possibility of the Y closing early until about 7pm when we called, and they were just closing. I've been here before, no problem! We'll just do “house” exercises tonight. We might just enlist the help of Richard Simmons “Sweatin' To The Oldies!” We'll do our best to replicate the intensity and heart rate we achieve at the Y.

I'm finally on the final hole of that belt I've written about before. When I first started this journey that belt was a good two to three inches from going all the way around me. Then I tried it one day and was able to use the very first hole. I remember what a victory that was. And now I'm down to the very last hole position. This belt is about ready to be retired! What a fantastic way to track progress, hole by hole! It's amazing how good this makes me feel. When I first bought that belt a year and a half ago. I really needed a belt and a few other items, so we drove all the way to Tulsa to the big and tall store. I bought a leather belt two-pack in the largest size they carried and when I tried it on it didn't even come close to fitting. I knew before I even tried that there was no way it would work. Lucky for me the other was a stretchable woven leather design and even though it was technically the same size as the first belt, I was able to stretch it to barely fit. So the little belt made it's way into the closet with the only hope of rescue resting on the possibility that I would someday lose enough weight to use it. I'm on the last hole of that little belt now baby! I get really excited sometimes! You can always tell because my use of exclamation points go through the roof!!!!

This is what it feels like to take a successful stand. Losing weight is such a rewarding experience with so many little victories along the way to that ultimate goal. It seems that I'm celebrating something new all the time. In fact, I think it's time for another Levi's shopping trip to Oklahoma City. I'm going to go for 48's this time. In case you're keeping track, that would be 14 sizes below my largest! I also need some smaller shirts and smaller everything else. There's nothing in my closet I can't wear now. The “someday I'll be able to wear that” items use to outnumber the big stuff two to one. I haven't really thought about buying new clothes just yet because I've still got a ways to go and I don't want to buy new stuff and then be too little for them in a month or two. But I'm going to have to buy some along the way, that's all there is to it! Clothes shopping was always a dreaded idea for me as long as I can remember. Now I look forward to the trip.

This blog has made me really evaluate the differences between the failed attempt in 2004 and the present. The differences are pretty big. In 2004 I was just going through the motions I knew would work. I was still dreaming about pigging out on everything in sight. That's why I celebrated so heavily when I hit the 100 pound mark back then. I wasn't trying to learn anything about portions, and I certainly didn't try to dig deep in my brain for answers to why I became so big. I was simply counting the calories and exercising while I waited for my next big celebratory bowl of fried mushrooms and Hideaway pizza. That's what's different about this time. As I approach the 115 mark I totaled last time, I'm thinking about those differences more and more. I'm not obsessed with food like I was before. I'm more aware of my “triggers” and I refuse to let them be an excuse to eat. Before I was only concerned about getting the weight off, now I'm more concerned about developing the habits and behaviors that will keep it off as long as I live. It's been a real psychological adventure. If you've been a regular reader for some time, then you've been with me through the meltdowns, like the night I attacked cheese and crackers, even though I knew I didn't have any calories left for the day. You've read about my weakest days and my strongest days. I knew in order to do this I had to learn how to separate my emotions from my eating habits. And that's much easier to say than do. But making sure that my eating and exercise habits remain the same regardless of my mood, my stress level of any particular day, and any special plans is key to my success. And it's what makes this time a completely different journey.

Richard Simmons is calling from the other room, so I better get in there and start sweatin' to that DVD. Oh, by the way, we enjoyed lasagna for dinner! And I still have enough calories left for an ice cream bar if I so desire. It certainly doesn't sound like the menu of someone losing weight does it? Correct portions, calorie management, and some simple math enable me to never feel like I can't have something. Thanks for reading. Good night and...

Good Choices,
Sean

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