Wednesday, June 10, 2015

June 10th, 2015 Eat My Way Out

June 10th, 2015 Eat My Way Out

It could have been a disaster.

My stress level was exceptionally high today. I started fielding errant thoughts mid-afternoon that excessive food might be the best option. Isn't that strange?

Not really.

If you add up all the years of experience I have in handling stress that way, it makes perfect sense. I'm really good at it.

I decided it was best for me to take a nap. Perhaps I'm just really tired, maybe that's why I'm feeling this way, I thought. I snoozed for nearly two hours. It was a solid nap. I woke up and viola...

I still wanted to eat my way out of the stress.

Of course, you and I both know it doesn't work that way. Shoveling in massive quantities of food only serves as a temporary distraction--a pleasurable one for a little while, at least, until the flood of guilt, shame, disgust and more start cascading in, on top of whatever was stressful in the first place. Excess food isn't a fixer. 

My awareness level is high, thank goodness. I immediately realized my life stream and fundamental elements stream were becoming dangerously close to crossing. I must never let the streams cross! 

Now what? Uhg...part of my brain was screaming feeeeed meeeeee!!! And another part was trying to rationally dissect what was happening.

Through my experience in support, I realized quickly that I needed to get this out of my head. When these thoughts are exclusive to our head, they're powerful and controlling. When we tell on them, shining a light on them by sharing with good support friends, suddenly they're called out--like a bully that gets caught and is suddenly on their best behavior after being exposed. 

I texted several of my friends in support, explaining what was happening; how I was feeling. I felt relieved as soon as I hit the send button. It wasn't exclusive to my brain anymore. It was out there.

The text support replies started coming and by this time, I felt empowered to overcome. 

And I did.

I enjoyed some coffee, planned, prepared and precisely weighed an amazing meal and made it to the YMCA for an elliptical workout. I even bumped it up to level 19. By the end of the workout, the episode this afternoon seemed very far away.

It could have been a disaster. But it wasn't. It was a solid reminder that I'm not ever immune to those old reactions. The coping mechanisms providing the perfect recipe for morbid obesity are like old tools I don't need anymore. I've learned how to use better tools.

I must always hold the elements of my recovery sacred. And good support is one of the pillars of the plan helping make that happen consistently. It's a tool I can't live without.

Thank goodness.

Like my coffee cup says, I get by with a little help from my friends.

My Tweets Today:
























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean

6 comments:

  1. I heard a very interesting thought from a radio therapist tonight. He said that even when you are in recovery, from any addiction, you have to have a place to recover to. Where is your recovery leading you and how will your life be once you get there. It was an interesting thought. Also that if you have triggers that you know can derail your recovery, you have to steer clear of those situations. Don't put yourself in a place where those triggers can affect you.

    I think you know better than anyone with today's post, that no matter how successful you are and strong you are going, your mind can have a powerful affect on you. That's why the support is so important. Something a lot of us have had to learn to turn towards in tough times.

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  2. I'm so happy for you that you did not fall into the trap . I'm also getting the whole familiar foods you eat daily.I do remember when I quit my 2 pack a day cigarette habit having to deal with stressful situations without lighting up. It's certainly doable it's just remembering we are capable .

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  3. I'm so glad you were able to reach out and over come, Sean. I have been having moments lately especially at night. Its driving me nuts. No one here to hold me accountable. I know what triggered my feelings of reaching out and I'm not to sure how to over come unless I actually talk about it. Quickly, my sister had gastric bypass. Over just a 4 month period she has lost over 100 lbs. While she went through holy hell before she "healed" I still get the jealous feeling when I see her. Its taken me 2 freakin' yrs of blood, sweat and tears to lose 76lbs and she blinked and she's there... and that right there is it! I'm a jealous ass! There I said it!!! And I just keep saying to myself.. "who cares?" And you said it, it only feels good while its going down .. once I've had my cookie or cracker then I have the feelings of regret and disgust. Thanks for bringing your issue to your blog today. It helped!

    And I'm glad you kicked ass on the "machine!"
    Rosie

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  4. Awesome job, Sean. Way to reach out and overcome!!!

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  5. None of my business but you losing 76 pounds the way you did is in my opinion so much better than how your sister did. I only say that because where I work ...a hospital, we see a lot of complications from that type of surgery.

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  6. Rosie - you are going to have the permanent results if you are doing the WORK, as Sean is doing. Just taking the weight off isn't lasting. Know 3 people that had bypass and are heavier than before surgery. They didn't work through the triggers and how to handle them. It's hard and as Sean pointed out, it never ends, darn-it! It's a fact. Let's do this.
    N~

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