It could have been a disaster.
My stress level was exceptionally high today. I started fielding errant thoughts mid-afternoon that excessive food might be the best option. Isn't that strange?
If you add up all the years of experience I have in handling stress that way, it makes perfect sense. I'm really good at it.
I decided it was best for me to take a nap. Perhaps I'm just really tired, maybe that's why I'm feeling this way, I thought. I snoozed for nearly two hours. It was a solid nap. I woke up and viola...
I still wanted to eat my way out of the stress.
Of course, you and I both know it doesn't work that way. Shoveling in massive quantities of food only serves as a temporary distraction--a pleasurable one for a little while, at least, until the flood of guilt, shame, disgust and more start cascading in, on top of whatever was stressful in the first place. Excess food isn't a fixer.
My awareness level is high, thank goodness. I immediately realized my life stream and fundamental elements stream were becoming dangerously close to crossing. I must never let the streams cross!
Now what? Uhg...part of my brain was screaming feeeeed meeeeee!!! And another part was trying to rationally dissect what was happening.
Through my experience in support, I realized quickly that I needed to get this out of my head. When these thoughts are exclusive to our head, they're powerful and controlling. When we tell on them, shining a light on them by sharing with good support friends, suddenly they're called out--like a bully that gets caught and is suddenly on their best behavior after being exposed.
I texted several of my friends in support, explaining what was happening; how I was feeling. I felt relieved as soon as I hit the send button. It wasn't exclusive to my brain anymore. It was out there.
The text support replies started coming and by this time, I felt empowered to overcome.
And I did.
I enjoyed some coffee, planned, prepared and precisely weighed an amazing meal and made it to the YMCA for an elliptical workout. I even bumped it up to level 19. By the end of the workout, the episode this afternoon seemed very far away.
It could have been a disaster. But it wasn't. It was a solid reminder that I'm not ever immune to those old reactions. The coping mechanisms providing the perfect recipe for morbid obesity are like old tools I don't need anymore. I've learned how to use better tools.
I must always hold the elements of my recovery sacred. And good support is one of the pillars of the plan helping make that happen consistently. It's a tool I can't live without.
Like my coffee cup says, I get by with a little help from my friends.
My Tweets Today:
Good Wednesday! I hope you're enjoying your coffee as much as I'm enjoying this cup. SF hazelnut (1tblspn per)X2. 60C pic.twitter.com/SUeXbu1uOm— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 10, 2015
2 cheese omelet w/3 egg whts-1 whl, 1 each-muenster & provolone. 5.6oz orange, 5.4oz pineapple, 1/2 apple. 434 cal. pic.twitter.com/8Wyr45kbGL— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 10, 2015
5 layer tostadas w/130g FF/SF beans, salsa, 1/2 slice provolone on each, 89g avocado, 15g lght sr crm. Pear. 512 cal. pic.twitter.com/I9j6SjNPoY— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 10, 2015
Dark roast w/sugar free hazelnut. 1tblspn per cup X 2. 1 now and 1 after dinner. 60 cal. pic.twitter.com/9tbK50F5Id— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 10, 2015
2oz whl wheat linguine, 226g (2srv) SF tomato-basil sauce, 4oz 96% lean beef, mshrms, muenster, 2 srv grn beans. 508C pic.twitter.com/rOGVua5DYc— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 11, 2015
Everything precisely measured. Very different from pasta meals years ago--preparing 4 times what was needed was the norm. Now, no leftovers!— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 11, 2015
Elliptical time. I'm gonna work this thing. 2 cups water. #wateraccountability pic.twitter.com/R9IfAE5kev— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 11, 2015
The elliptical was like, "oh no, he didn't." My body was like, "shouldn't I have a say?" And I was like: Let's do 19. pic.twitter.com/XW6z9QPWNo— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 11, 2015
Level 19. 30 min. High stride. #feelsgood #endorphinsflowing #naturalhigh 2 cup bottle refill in previous= #watergoal pic.twitter.com/nupR0wyxgz— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 11, 2015
5.55oz orange & Anjou pear. Put me over by 47 calories. Not sweating it. #lastfoodofday 173 cal. pic.twitter.com/trdnLWJ9eU— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 11, 2015
Thank you for reading and your continued support,