Tonight's blog is an updated version of a similar posting describing why I do what I do.
Why do I share the way I do and why is it important to me? Is it for attention? To be loved? To feel important? Is it the product of some kind of deep seeded deficiency dating back to childhood?
Very few people have ever witnessed my raw, emotional reaction when I receive an email or facebook message from someone sharing their story with me. Nothing reduces me to tears faster than reading some of the most sincere, empowering words from someone who is finding their inner strength to choose change. When I tell someone I'm overjoyed for them, I mean it.
This blog started as a tool for me, for my benefit. I started it to keep me focused and true to myself with the added accountability factor of a publicly shared journal. This blog was a way for me to dissect, analyze and unravel the inner mysteries keeping me over 500 pounds for so many years.
Very few people followed along, reading each post, before AOL ran a feature story on their home page. Then things started changing.
I started connecting with more and more people and I started realizing how this wasn't just helping me, it was helping others. Did I get caught up in the commotion of it all? Perhaps. But nothing brings me back home to the most raw, emotional place--like reading someone else's story of liberation.
I write this blog for me. It must be for me, first and foremost. If it wasn't, then I would have continued a song and dance during the darkest periods of regain. Instead, I retreated from what was best for me in many different ways.
Some say it would have been helpful to read the "off the rails" version of things. I get that, but again--where I was wasn't a place inspiring me to write anything helpful to me or anyone else. Coming back and sharing about where I've been and where I want to go, was/is as good as I can do. I'm incredibly grateful for my relapse/regain period. It was during this dramatic humbling, I learned some of the best lessons.
The last sentence of my Day 1 entry written on the night of September 15th, 2008, still holds true, "I believe it (this blog) will help me stay on track and maybe along the way it will inspire someone else to stay on track." Pretty simple. That's what it's all about.
I don't do what I do for attention, for love, to feel important or any other slightly bent off-center motivation. I do it for me. To help me better understand the dynamics in play along the way, I must write it out--get it all out there, then sort through and piece things together like a puzzle.
And when what I do in helping myself affects someone else in a positive way, it's the most wonderful bonus of all.
I am loved. I am important. And those facts were true long before The Daily Diary of A Winning Loser or Transformation Road came along.
We're fast approaching a slightly different perspective in maintenance mode. Like I've written before, it'll not be too different from this turn around. I can't wait to explore more!
There's still plenty of road ahead. And I'm honored you're choosing to ride along. Thank you.
My Tweets Today:
Good morning! Dark roast in one of my favorite cups w/sugar free hazelnut creamer (1 tblspn per cup) 2 cups. 60 cal. pic.twitter.com/w9qPUkLuyU— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 18, 2015
Avocado omelet w/3 egg whites, 1 whole egg & 107g avocado mashed w/salt and pepper. 4.6oz orange, Anjou pear. 453 cal pic.twitter.com/j0MzqBoch0— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 18, 2015
Kyrie Eleison! Deep fried fish in our studios. It's a part of our promotion of the All-American Fish Fry Blood Drive. pic.twitter.com/vEwC7W5eRf— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 18, 2015
I LOVE fried fish! Of course I'll sample some. My digital food scales give me certainty in the amount. 1.5oz: 97 cal pic.twitter.com/ChGEpnKREZ— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 18, 2015
Coffee in a meeting. Brought my own sf hazelnut. 1 tablspn. 30 cal. pic.twitter.com/te6uhxVxcA— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 18, 2015
Another. Coffee w/sf hazelnut creamer. 1 tblspn. 30 cal. pic.twitter.com/L4lzo4id3G— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 18, 2015
FF/SF bean (130g) & Provolone (1 slice) tostadas w/salsa, lettuce & light sour cream (15g). Cantaloupe (135g). 324cal pic.twitter.com/MGNF95cjAJ— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 18, 2015
SF hazelnut creamer in my post-nap evening coffee (1 tblspn). 1 now, 1 after dinner. 60 cal. pic.twitter.com/9vsEWuGLtv— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 18, 2015
Favorite veggies in the pan. These play well together: Onions, mushrooms, bell pepper, yellow squash & sweet potato. pic.twitter.com/4miyHfeamG— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 19, 2015
6oz salmon, swt.potato (185g)-squash-orange pepper-red onion-mushrooms, prepared w/O.O.spray. Strwbrs (225g). 512 cal pic.twitter.com/x8t7AAl6PB— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 19, 2015
MyFitnessPal view of tonight's dinner. If you're on MFP, friend me! #supportworks Username: SeanAAnderson pic.twitter.com/M1GXRjSxy4— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 19, 2015
It's workout time. Climbing aboard the magical elliptical ride. #readytosweat 2 cups water. #wateraccountability pic.twitter.com/un0Qg72Prn— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 19, 2015
Level 19-30 intense minutes-feels amazing. 2 cup water bottle refill #exceedswatergoal #naturalhigh #sweatmachine pic.twitter.com/7fvQcQnaX5— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 19, 2015
Wasn't in the mood for fruit. I wanted pizza for my #lastfoodofday— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 19, 2015
I made a slice of pizza. 1/2-90 cal flatbread, 1/4 serving sf tomato basil & 1.5 slices mozz. #lastfoodofday 129 cal. pic.twitter.com/8x4IdxYZne— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 19, 2015
Thank you for reading and your continued support,