Every now and again, I'll search the archives and find things that make me roll my eyes as I read from a third person perspective--Wow, he has so much to learn and it's all ahead of him. Or... Oh my, he shouldn't be so cocky confident...uhg...Some of it is very hard to read because I know what happens.
I recently took a trip into the archives and found a really old post all about how "I'm never going back." Really? Wanna bet? You get really good at going back full speed in a couple years. Might want to get humble pretty quick, Mr. "I got this."
And sometimes I'll look through the archives of this daily diary and find something that made an especially profound impact on me. How long the impact lasts depends on how deeply it resonated. Sometimes it's a momentary effect. Other times, I can't shake it--wouldn't want to if I could and it's those times when I'm affected to the point of profound changes.
I picked a random day--landed on May 5th, 2014, thirteen and a half months ago, and found what certainly helped lay the foundation for my epiphany day ten days later on May 15th, 2014.
The following exploration into the "what ifs" means something special to me. It does, because I've asked each and every one of these questions and done my best at discovering the answers over the last thirteen and a half months since writing it.
Some of them are still developing, some of them are fully embraced--and I've added several more "what ifs" I'd like to answer, and I will in time.
A late night like this calls for a DDWL flashback:
What if I loved myself as much as I am loved by my mother, daughters and other family? What if I didn't look in the mirror and harshly judge my appearance? What would it be like if I wasn't compelled to look in the rear view mirror, criticizing almost every turn along the way?
What would happen if I fully, unconditionally embraced me--and stopped negatively comparing where I am to where I've imagined? What if I woke up tomorrow and decided to take the best care, not because it's what I need to do, but because I truly deserve nothing less and because I want to do this, for me. What if I stopped caring about what others think of me, dropping the self-imposed shame and embarrassment that comes so easily where I am?
What if I believed in me on the same level as some of my biggest supporters? What would happen if I set myself free? What kind of internal revolution would be released, transforming my heart, mind, body and soul?
You want to talk about a transformation? That would be a transformation!
And here we are, standing on the edge of imagination asking what if?
I say we go for the ultimate transformation, turning what if into reality then asking what now?
Anything is possible.
These thoughts have been freeing to me the past 48 hours. I've felt empowered, stronger than I have in a long time.
And now, a year and forty-five days later, those thoughts--and more importantly the answers to those questions, fuel me--empower me--compel me in the most positive ways.
An internal revolution, indeed.
The Tweets tell the tale of June 15th...
My Tweets Today:
It's Monday! Plenty of coffee ready to go. Grab a cup! Dark roast w/sf hazelnut creamer (1tblspn per cup) 2 cups. 60C pic.twitter.com/agxQCauOly— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 15, 2015
Mshrm & Swiss omelet w/3 egg whts-1 whl egg, 1 slice natural swiss, strawberries (179g) & cantaloupe (188g). 322 cal. pic.twitter.com/aAjRsa9l67— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 15, 2015
Lunch in MyFitnessPal. Mmmm... So good. 521 awesome calories! pic.twitter.com/UQhihCcJrS— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 15, 2015
Bean (65g) & Provolone (1) tostada w/lettuce & sr crm. "Guac-tada" w/124g avocado, lettuce, srcrm. 1/2 pear. 521 cal. pic.twitter.com/bkxUY0Jp18— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 15, 2015
Evening coffee. Dark roast with sugar free hazelnut creamer (1 tblspn) 1 cup now. 1 later (after dinner). 60 cal. pic.twitter.com/yaITqiP2ln— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 15, 2015
Dinner in MyFitnessPal... pic.twitter.com/l1yt4cZIAo— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 16, 2015
5.8oz sirloin, 4oz salmon, sweet potato (163g), onion, yellow&orange pepper w/O.O.spray. Pineapple (7.5oz). 620 cal. pic.twitter.com/PGnWyErRAg— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 16, 2015
It's high time for Y time. Climbing aboard the magical elliptical ride. #getthatsweaton #workouttime pic.twitter.com/MnKbeYi10q— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 16, 2015
Post workout water & refill= #watergoal #wateraccountability Level 19 works me well. #endorphinrush #naturalhigh ✔️ pic.twitter.com/SoFIJQIamP— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 16, 2015
Fast fruit run. pic.twitter.com/clCMEU4IRp— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 16, 2015
Gldn delicious apple & 4.45oz orange. There's no comparison. It's apples to oranges. #oldjoke #lastfoodofday 139 cal pic.twitter.com/lktLjDY7n8— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 16, 2015
1,198 Net after exercise calories burned. A metabolic sweet spot is 1200 net after exercise calories. #sotheysay pic.twitter.com/H3CdZLbhKP— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) June 16, 2015
Thank you for reading and your continued support,