Saturday, June 20, 2015

June 20th, 2015 A Very Important Part

June 20th, 2015 A Very Important Part

I slept in this morning. I didn't have any work related commitments and I took advantage! I slept well for over nine hours and that's unusual for me, even on a day off. It was needed!

I relaxed today. I was active in giving and receiving support and I spent a fairly good amount of time memorizing lines for a character I'm playing in an upcoming play. It's a fairly small, supportive role--and a fun one, I'm looking forward to doing it! I have about 20% the lines I had in Call Me Henry several years ago, so I should be able to do this without too much issue. Why a play? Why now? Because it's something I love and I must do things that nourish the qualities in the core of who I am. It all goes back to finding that unique happiness code within.

It helps that the rehearsal schedule and time commitment required has been cut in half by the director of this project. Everything will be finished--everything, performances and all, within three weeks from now. I couldn't pass it up. I didn't want to pass it up.

I love taking extra care and giving special attention to envisioning, preparing and cooking my food. I don't always have the time--but I try my best to make the time. I took the time midday for my brunch. It was easily one of the most satisfying omelets I've created (see the brunch tweet below). Making the time to prepare the food we eat is one of the excellent ways we honor the commitment we're making to ourselves. We are worth the effort! 

And I just love navigating the calories--and coming up with a fantastic plate of food within a reasonable count. MyFitnessPal is a big help in this navigation. I needed exactly 78 calories to hit 1700 calories on the nose tonight. I decided on some red grapes. With the help of MFP, I found 118 grams to be exactly 78 calories. It really isn't a big deal to hit it on the nose--and most of the time I'm a little under or a little over--but sometimes it's fun to hit it square...just for kicks.

My plan and goal was to swim tonight in the pool I share with everyone else in this apartment community. I've never used it. Not even once. But--instead of a Y trip today, I thought, why not? 

(Warning: Excuses straight ahead) Well--I discovered the deep end was only 5 foot and the pool is small. I wasn't sure I could get a good workout without sufficiently deep enough water to tread and room to swim, so I took a rest day.

I made the decision and I'm cool with the decision. It was a beautiful night. I seriously could have done something--even a good walk. But again--made the decision to relax--and I'll be okay with it. It's okay. Seriously, I'm fine. :)

My continued recovery, always and especially now that I'm heading into maintenance mode, relies heavily on my commitment to the fundamental elements that have brought me this far. Part of those elements--a very important part, is staying connected--offering and receiving support on a regular basis. It's very important to me. Helping others helps me. I'm truly grateful for these connections.

Sometimes, when the schedule gets difficult, I do what I can when I can--and it is my best on that particular day. I spent some time catching up on some emails and comment replies today--and then I get to last night's blog post and find this comment, signed "anonymous coward," and punctuated with a winking smiley face:  

"So, Sean... You're all thin and busy now. Don't forget your friends in the comments section of your blog. Don't disappear now that you are all thin and perfect now. ;)"
Anonymous Coward

I really shouldn't let a comment like this get under my skin, but it did, I'll admit it. It did because I sincerely do the best I can. I care more than most know, I assure you. I'm not "thin and perfect," never claimed to be perfect in any way. If I take longer to reply to something you should NEVER take it personally. Some might say I shouldn't have replied to this one--but I was upset, so I did...

My reply--
First of all, I'm NOT perfect--never claimed to be--and never will be. 
Second, it's ironic that I've spent well over two hours of my day writing thoughtful replies to emails and in support of others through various other means---and I just spent a good deal of time replying to comments on previous blog posts--only to come here and find yours, A.C.
To make a judgement about me and an assumption that somehow I'm thin, busy and perfect and I haven't time for anyone, is absolutely ludicrous. People who know me well, know how I am and how important it is to me, to be available and supportive to others. You do not know me well, A.C.
"Don't disappear?" I post every single night. 
Bottom line: I do my best.
I can't believe I just spent almost 5 minutes composing a reply to this nonsense.

Hitting the pillow tonight after a fairly good day. My calorie bank is solid, my abstinence from refined sugar is going strong, I was active in support and I did things that I love, things that increase my happiness level. All of it, a part of the fundamental elements that keep me well.

My Tweets Today:

Thank you for reading and your continued support,


  1. Sean, I'm sorry that comment was left on here. You are right, this person does not know you at all. I appreciate your transparency and willingness to be so real on here and that vulnerability is what draws so many to read your blog faithfully. It helps us take off our masks and risk being real. It's the only way that authentic change can happen. I wanted to tell you that I am 4 pounds away from having 200 lbs off. I still want to lose 20 more once I reach that milestone, but I am grateful for how far I've come, by God's grace. Thank you for your example to me and for writing an update each day. Grateful for you, friend. Shirley from TN

    1. Oh Shirley, wow!!! I'm so happy for you!!!! 200 pounds down!!!! By God's grace, indeed!
      I do agree with Deb's comment below--I think had that comment been spoken, with inflection of a gentle ribbing type tone--it wouldn't have been received the way I received it. I'm perhaps sensitive to this--simply because it is important and I have fallen behind occasionally, of late! And that bothers me! So it was a ripe condition and a perfect comment to get under my skin, with ease!
      I sincerely appreciate your warm and understanding support. You're incredible, Shirley. Thank you!

  2. I totally agree with Shirley that the person leaving the snarky comment does not know you. Hang in there and Happy Father's Day! :)

    1. Thank you, Caron! Or, they know me well--know me well enough to know that the comment would get to me-- and likely, as Deb suggests below, they didn't mean it as pointed as it came off in print... I'm extra sensitive to that type of critique, I suppose...
      Other types of critiques don't really bother me-- Say I'm eating something I shouldn't.... not a bit.... Say I'm losing too much weight... yeah, yeah... but tell me I'm neglecting or lacking in the support department--or somehow that I must think I'm above staying connected-- and that gets me!! Even if it's in good humor--which likely it was.
      Amber is taking me to lunch, today! Thank you again, Caron!

  3. RE: the A.C. comment.

    My guess is that if tone of voice were present, the words wouldn't have carried such a sting. I'm thinking that it was a playful, rather than a judgmental, nudge.

    Just my 2 cents...


    1. I totally, 100% agree with you. Likely a playful, well meaning jab! I might need some cream for that sensitivity. :)
      Having disconnected from this blog before--something I don't plan on--and pray I don't do again, I'm particularly sensitive to that one thing, even more than anything else.
      Had it been a playful dig about anything else--No worries.... It would have rolled off me like it wasn't a thing...In fact, I likely would have recognized the humor and intent--even without the benefit of audible inflection (which makes ALL the difference with playful jabs), had it been a critical comment or suggestion about anything else!!!
      It was my sensitivity set on super high.
      Excellent and spot on observation.
      Thank you, Deb

  4. Awww... I AM sorry that came off as harsh as it seemed to you!
    I really did mean it with a (wink)!
    Anonymous Coward

    1. Read the comments above^^^. I totally believe you. My apologies for being somewhat overly sensitive in this area! The wink should have clued me in--instead, it hit my most sensitive area...
      Could have been about anything and everything else-- Wouldn't have phased me in the slightest--and likely, I would have smiled and immediately recognized the playful intent--but instead, my sensitivity went into a different mode.
      My apologies. ;)

  5. I DID miss you when you met goal and later did not post for a long time while you were in you "gain back" phase. I prayed for you, and later, (a year?) found you were gaining the weight back. There was nothing but good thoughts from me over the years.
    Again, I am SO sorry that the tone of my ill-considered message hurt your feelings! I will unbookmark your blog, and sadly leave you alone....
    Anonymous Coward :(

    1. Now, please wait a second! Before you ride off into the sunset...
      How was I supposed to know that you were in fact, a long time supporter, when you signed it anonymously? Had I realized you had a history of support for me--and have pulled for me all along--I wouldn't have been dismissive and likely wouldn't have reacted the way I reacted, instead, I likely would have been a little more inclined to recognize the good nature and playful tone of the comment.
      I sincerely appreciate your good thoughts over the years. Very much. And your prayers--immensely.
      The period you mention--where I wasn't posting regularly--and then fell into relapse and regain--that was a very difficult time. I've vowed to do things very differently around here. It's paramount for me to stay connected and active, every day.
      So naturally--this comment and the light and smiley nature intended, didn't make it through my big ole wall of sensitivity.
      Please listen and understand, I'm a big boy-- I can handle getting a little bent occasionally--especially when I'm real enough and man enough to admit when the reaction wasn't appropriate. I over-reacted in this case.
      And it's obvious how that happened, given the history.
      I'm all better now. And I sincerely appreciate you coming back in and giving me some insight and consideration. Thank you.
      There's no need to unbookmark and sadly leave here... Come on, --- who's being sensitive now?? ;)
      Besides--I'm looking forward to continuing daily and indefinitely, into maintenance mode...This time, I'm not dropping out!

  6. Sean,

    I'm glad you and AC are fleshing this out a bit. It is good for me to see more dialog happen. The original AC phrasing and your response all seemed as if it were heading toward a wall. The exchange above really adds value.

    I, too, did the prayer and concern for you. As you are thinking more about addiction and using those terms, the other side is the (al-anon/other people in the addicts life) part. Seeing a drug abuser in recovery is all hopeful and happy and when they go away it is crushing and hurtful.. The "others" in the addicts life can certainly learn about one-day at a time, and powerlessness to control things like this. It is all hard, and again, working through it really helps me.

    BTW: Today 6/21 the UN created international yoga day. Happy International Yoga day!


    1. Chris, I sincerely appreciate the prayers and support. I needed them in a big way, always will. I honestly over-reacted to the anonymous comment. I really wish I would have processed it a little longer before reacting.
      I didn't realize it was coming from a long time supporter. I would never react so harshly to someone who has been around these pages a long time. I just assumed it was a mean spirited jab from a passer-by--or someone unfamiliar with what this blog is all about.
      Turns out, I was wrong!
      I absolutely give this whole turnaround the reverence it deserves--and I truly look at it as recovery, pure and simple.
      Happy International Yoga Day!!! Oh, how I must go back soon.
      Thank you, Chris, very much

  7. Happy Father's day Sean!! you are creating a legacy for your daughters that will be passed on for generations. What a beautiful family you have, what blessed daughters they are to have you. God bless you all!!!

    1. Thank you, Nicole! I sincerely appreciate these words. You're awesome!!

  8. Happy Father's day, Sean! I hope your day was superior! Fun! Relaxing! And I hope your family spoiled you rotten!
    As for the unhappy poster.... some people just aren't happy unless their picking on someone else.... idiots.
    have a good Monday!

    1. Rosie, I sincerely appreciate your passionate defense! But I must admit, my reaction was wrong. I overreacted--I really did. They didn't mean any ill will at all. If you read the exchange between the anonymous poster and me above, it'll give you some insight to why I certain, I was wrong. I took it wrong.
      It wasn't intended. It was tongue in cheek.
      I took it literally.
      Thank you for the Father's Day greeting!!! I've had a great day today! It's been fantastic!
      Hope you've had a great day!

  9. Lol! Sean I was told just the other day that I was 'locking myself away and unable to trust when in reality, I am happier then I have ever been..have more friends and am more present than ever. They read two or three posts and took all three and extrapolated that...ignore assholes Sean. When you succeed, there will always be negative nelly' braying in your wake. People who know you, know you care.

    1. Thank you, Christine. Honestly, I believe AC didn't mean it as I took it.
      I've had some of those you're talking about, though. And I agree--we must ignore.
      Anyone familiar with you and your blog knows of the incredible transformation you've experienced--and that's aside from the physical.

  10. Ps. This isn't about af. This is in general.

  11. Well I was going to fly over ther and find AC and kick butt for you
    But I see this is not necessary this time

    Just know I will if ever needed my friend 😆

    1. TR, you're so awesome. Thank you! It's wonderful to know I have some friends in Australia! :)


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