Sunday, July 31, 2016

July 31st, 2016 Until Today

July 31st, 2016 Until Today

A wonderful thing happened today. I enjoyed a nice visit with my 84-year-old neighbor. For two years we've exchanged small talk in passing. She somehow knows more about me than I know about her--I suppose the neighborhood conversation might have brought me up a few times. But I never made the time to stop and listen to her, until today. It did my soul good. I just asked questions and listened. She was so generous with her story and wisdom. Now I know her.  

I had a great visit with mom late afternoon/evening and of course, we dined at our favorite Mexican place. On the way home, wasn't so good. My car started having issues. It's acting as if something's clogged in the exhaust system. I'll be taking it to the mechanic tomorrow. After pulling over, turning the car off--allowing it to sit for awhile, then finally starting back and driving super slow all the way home--I'm here. It's late, but I'm here--without needing a tow truck!

Today, I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained abstinent from refined sugar, I exceeded my water goal and I stayed active with fantastic support connections. It was a solid day in many ways.

Continuous Accountability Live-Tweet Stream:
































Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Saturday, July 30, 2016

July 30th, 2016 The Best Time

July 30th, 2016 The Best Time

I stayed exceptionally busy today. I wasn't necessarily planning this, it just seemed to develop. I spent some time at the studio catching up on some things before heading home and freshening up for an evening performance at the Playhouse.

It's late and I'm thoroughly exhausted.

I don't post too many micro-blogs on Facebook like I once did, especially since I returned to daily postings on this blog almost two and a half years ago, but today was an exception. Now is always the best time!



Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget. I remained abstinent from refined sugar. I stayed well connected with support. I met my daily water goal. I made time to prepare some great food. I accomlished some good work at the studio and I enjoyed a live production. It's been a great day!

Continuous Accountability Live-Tweet Stream:


























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Friday, July 29, 2016

July 29th, 2016 Every Single Ounce

July 29th, 2016 Every Single Ounce

"Do you think you're obsessed with food? With the pictures, the tweets, the time and effort it takes to do all that is a lot. Do you think it's necessary?"

 This isn't the first time I've received questions like that. Just today, a colleague questioned how long it took me to weigh and measure the ingredients in the beef fajita salad I assembled at lunch. They were done eating before I took my first bite. It contained quite a few ingredients! "I think I know why you have so much trouble with time management. Look at how much time you spend before you eat."

From the outside looking in, I get it. If I intentionally position my perspective as close to theirs as possible, I can clearly see how these daily disciplines I make important, might look obsessive, unnecessary and a big time drain.

When I think about the dark depths of a 164-pound relapse/regain and where that experience took me, mentally/emotionally and of course, physically--and then I compare it to the peace, calm, stability and continued successful maintenance mode and healthy weight I enjoy today, I realize how what I do in the process of honoring my food plan and accountability measures is, without a doubt--worth every single ounce of effort.

I don't think about what I do as obsessive, unnecessary and a big time drain. I think of it as mindful, necessary and time well invested in my extraordinary care.

In the fog of food addiction with the constant compulsive over-eating, I wasn't able to fully appreciate and be present for anything. In the intoxicated state of gluttoney, everything real and important in my world, lost its shine. The only thing special was my next fix, my next binge, my next escape from experiencing the realness of life. That, to me, qualifies as an obsession, very different than what I do each day in the process of honoring my plan.

The daily disciplines I embrace today, have helped open my eyes to life experiences in ways I once completely ignored. For once in my life, I'm present. Do you realize how much of my daughter's lives and my marriage I missed all those years ago? I wasn't present. I'll never get another chance to live that life and experience those special times, ever. All I can do is forgive myself and embrace today, because now...

I no longer miss out on life. I no longer center all of my attention on food. I have my clearly defined and non-negotiable boundaries and I eat well within those boundaries. And since my life is no longer measured by how much food I'll get to eat, I'm free to explore life and everything in it--everything around me--family, friends, my work--my dreams, desires--it all comes to life in vivid color, outside the fog of my former existence.

Until I started losing weight consistently in September 2008, I didn't realize how many events in my life were saturated in memories of the food involved instead of the actual people, places and things that made the event special.

One of my biggest full-body before pictures (below) was taken in November 2007 at the broadcast for the Oklahoma Centennial Celebration in Guthrie, Oklahoma. This was a big day, a big broadcast at our state's 100th birthday. We were broadcasting in the media area, so there were reunions with former colleagues--I know there was, but I can't remember who. We were featured in a parade after our broadcast along with dignitaries from our part of the state, but I don't remember any of their names or faces on that trip. But I do remember...

The convenience store trip prior to the broadcast where I purchased a big sugary soft drink and Little Debbie Nutty Bars. I remember the sack full of sausage biscuits during the broadcast. I remember the restaurant stop on the way home--and my specific order: The biggest chicken fried steak and mashed potatoes covered in loads of white cream gravy with extra hot rolls and butter. "Extra," because I remember raving about the rolls and how they were the best hot dinner rolls I'd ever tasted. I asked for a few more in a to-go box, so I could share them with others back home. (Of course, that was the lie I told to get more rolls for me. Sure--other people need to know how good these rolls taste!) I seriously doubt those rolls survived long enough to see any other face but mine.

photo D554A67D-38D9-4D27-B927-82D5D1A5D919_zpsf3xlwqmi.jpg
I always did my best to smile and project a jovial spirit. The mismatch between how I really felt and what was projected, was enough to keep me a million miles away from any kind of sustainable weight loss success. Constantly trying to maintain something you're not, in my opinion, turns the "something" into an infection that spreads and eventually kills everything in its path.
photo thumb_IMG_4317_1024_zpsnhwsar5a.jpg
Joy Bauer took this photo of me right after my Today Show appearance. I don't remember what I ate the day of the show. I couldn't tell you anything about breakfast, lunch or dinner that day. I could make a pretty good guess--and of course, I could check the Tweets from April 11th, 2016 if I wanted. But the point is...

I was too busy living life fully present, fully in awe--and full of gratitude for it all.

Obsessed with food, today? Nope. But I once was.
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I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget. I remained abstinent from refined sugar. I exceeded my daily water goal. I stayed actively connected with support. And, I enjoyed a great, albeit late, Friday night workout.

Continuous Accountability Live-Tweet Stream:


































Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Thursday, July 28, 2016

July 28th, 2016 Just The Same

July 28th, 2016 Just The Same

This has been a very challenging day. Part of it was made challenging by the schedule I kept yesterday and the other part was made challenging by Mother Nature. As you may or may not know, part of my job as a broadcaster, aside from the fun part as a morning show personality, is doing live-on-air weather coverage when storms move through our listening area. When unexpected weather coverage activations happen, my job requires total flexibility. And having total flexibility, for me, requires good planning to make sure I have what I need, where I need it, when I need it.

I took exceptional care with my food today. I pursued support interactions, not because I was struggling--but there was enormous potential for struggle. Exchanging good support isn't something that only happens in crisis mode. One of the many things I've learned from Life Coach Gerri is the importance of reaching for support when things are going great, too--because then, it's much easier to communicate when things aren't going great.

In between weather coverages, I made a nap important and ended up oversleeping that much-needed nap. It tilted my day/night and runs the risk of spilling negative effects into my Friday. I'll be extra aware of this potential throughout my Friday. Fortunately, I have a very light schedule tomorrow through Sunday, so I'm not too worried--but always aware and well connected with support just the same.

I sincerely appreciate the fantastic response and all the questions about the next 8-week conference call support group sessions I'm co-facilitating with Life Coach Kathleen and Life Coach Gerri. The sessions starting August 8th and 9th are full. If you're interested in being on the team in future sessions, I'll certainly share the information when the next session draws near in late September.

Today, I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget. I remained abstinent from refined sugar. I stayed well connected with support connections and I met my daily water goal.

I will now do my best to sleep. I look forward to getting more over the next few days.

Continuous Accountability Live-Tweet Stream:






























Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Wednesday, July 27, 2016

July 27th, 2016 Awareness and Practice

July 27th, 2016 Awareness and Practice

I usually pass on sharing the "Facebook Memories" that occasionally pop up when I log into my facebook account. But today's, from four years ago, held a lot of truth. The fact that I shared the thoughts below, very near the beginning of my 164-pound relapse/regain period, is sobering. This further illustrates how none of us are ever immune to going back. All we have is today's awareness and practice.

July 27th, 2012:
I post a bunch of reminders, ideas and perspectives on weight loss here. I do it in hopes of helping someone, anyone who might relate and identify with the challenges along this road. But that's not the only reason. I also post these for me. My continued recovery depends on my awareness AND practice of elements critical to my success. I gain inspiration and motivation from you and I sincerely appreciate your incredible support. Choosing change isn't a temporary diversion, it's a practice, an ongoing education about ourselves and what we need to enjoy the rest of our lives free from the physical and mental restrictions of obesity.

I sincerely appreciate the wonderful feedback about yesterday's post. Regular reader, Vickie, offers some valuable insight:

"Wanted to add what I call the "loop" to your sugar conversation. I have seen many people think they are okay with sugar because one sugar does not lead to another sugar. Instead, they have a loop going with sugar-salt-fat. So ice cream might lead to potato chips which leads to fried chicken. In any combination. So they THINK they are okay with "everything in moderation" because ice cream does not lead to ice cream. But ice cream is the start of a trifecta. And the loop can continue, just rolling on, once it gets going. This is a really important point."

Thank you, Vickie! That resonates very well. It wasn't just sugar for me. The sugar might have created the biochemical reactions--and it led straight to all kinds of things in excess--just like you describe, the high fat items, the salty snacky items--more high fat stuff... It certainly wasn't ever exclusively a sugar thing. Sugar lit the fuse on the loop, as you put it--over and over again. Well written, my friend.

Natalie adds:

"I totally agree with you and I think this is me. I don't like a lot of sugar, in fact, if I eat something sweet I often feel a bit "yuck" and "over-sugared." I certainly don't turn to more sugar, so for a long time I resisted thinking sugar was a problem for me. But sugar makes me want salt/fat to "balance" it. Then after that maybe something a little bit sweet to finish off a meal. Then... and so on.

 Actually for me, I'd say it's all simple carbs rather than just pure sugar. Anything that is quickly converted to sugar in my blood. 

 Knowing all this hasn't magically made it easy to change though. Many failed attempts to change my diet, still working on it."

Natalie, I think we're a lot alike. Aside from ice cream, I never really considered myself a "sweet things," binge eater. When I write or speak about how the sugar led to "more more more," I'm referencing anything and everything, not just sugar loaded things.

My binge behavior often involved ice cream, yes--lots of sugar and fat in ice cream--but mostly these behaviors involved lots of fast food items, hot convenience store deep fried deli items, pizza and other non-sweet things. But the "loop," as Vickie put it, makes sense. I can clearly identify how it would start with super doses of sugar--from the ice cream or several bowls of sugary cereal or whatever it was...whatever came next could be anything and everything and for who knows how long before I tried to reign it in enough to try again.

 When I combined the very real biochemical induced compulsions of addiction with my deep seeded dependence on food to buffer every emotion and stress, it was the perfect storm for me to remain a 500-pound man and continue a life plagued by stunted emotional growth.
-----------------------------------------

The support groups I cofacilitate with Life Coach Kathleen and Life Coach Gerri are almost sold out for the next session. We have two remaining spaces for the regular Tuesday night group. If you're interested, email me at: Transformation.Road@gmail.com and I'll reply with a link to register.

I've regularly shared about the groups and my partnership with Kathleen and Gerri--but tonight I wanted to once again introduce you to Kathleen's blog if you haven't discovered it already. It's very powerful, incredibly inspiring and very real. Rather than me telling you about Kathleen's epic trek, I'll let Kathleen's writing tell the tale. I'll say this--it's a powerful testament to what's possible when we decide to choose change instead of allowing change to choose us. I hope you'll check out her blog: www.totalkathy.com

Today was busy, but very productive. I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget, I remained abstinent from refined sugar, I exceeded my daily water goal and I stayed connected and active with tremendous support interactions.

Great day. I'll give it a go and shoot for the same, tomorrow!

Continuous Accountability Live-Tweet Stream:






































Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Tuesday, July 26, 2016

July 26th, 2016 I Feel The Same Way

July 26th, 2016 I Feel The Same Way

The past two days have been rather busy. Several new readers have come along since the Today Show social media post yesterday and today's feature on MSN.com. Two different questions about my abstinence from refined sugar gave me an idea. It's re-run time on the DDWL!

The following excerpt comes from June 2014. I was only nine weeks abstinent. I'm currently approaching two years and four months. Without question, it's the best nutritional decision I've ever made. It was interesting to go back in the archives and read how passionate I was about this topic. And now, over two years later--I feel the same way.

 From June 2014:

I've written about my abstinence from sugar and how it's given me a peace and calm like I've never known. It's not something necessary for everyone. You may not have the reactions I do when you consume sugar. Arriving at this point in my journey has required a bunch of trial and error, or more accurately, a bunch of denial and struggle. I'm glad I've experienced things this way, though. Because without the trials, the struggles--I wouldn't be where I am today. And I love where I am today.

If you're not someone affected by sugar, like me, good! For you, moderation is key. After experiencing the last nine and a half weeks without and the resulting peace and calm--I've never been more sure of its affects on me. When denial and struggle is replaced with the positive perspective of peaceful acceptance, it's life-changing, certainly has been for me.

I'm writing about this because I've received a few messages and an email today on this very subject.

I believe I've shared these thoughts before. Just in case, here's my deal with sugar:

Restrictions.
This was one of the biggest points of contention for me since I started losing weight in 2008.
I lost 275 pounds eating cake, ice cream and desserts--all within reasonable portions at appropriate times. Using prior success as a reference, It made it very hard to get to a place of acceptance for abstinence, where I am now.

How did I stay consistent for as long as I did, despite all the sugary foods in moderation?

In hindsight, I clearly see how my support and accountability system importance level was set so high, I didn't dare give in to the struggle, temptation and the obsessive like attraction to "getting more." There were a lot of prayers and meditation--surrounding myself with people, instead of isolating--and connecting as much as possible with a variety of support sources.

When I basically abandoned almost every support and accountability component I had leaned on for so long--then it was a very different dynamic. Suddenly I was dramatically weakened.

When the bio-chemical reactions of sugar addiction swirled through my brain, I followed its lead without question--as if possessed. I traded one struggle for another. Instead of struggling against the compulsions to binge, I gave in--then struggled with the regret, shame and embarrassment associated with weight gain and the guilt associated with doing the very things I wanted to be diametrically opposed.

I was very much NOT wanting to let go of the sugar or, the option to enjoy it occasionally in portioned doses. My denial was slowly revealed and chipped away by learning. What ended up happening is, I kept researching the effects of sugar, specifically the addictive nature of it, and then as if I was destined to hear--I kept having conversations with people in recovery from food addiction---people who have what I want--years of maintenance behind them--and 100% of them said the same thing in relation to sugar and how it creates a bio-chemical reaction in our pleasure sensors---and then sets off the addictive cycle of, "I gotta have more and NOW!!!!" 

(The following two sentences of this excerpt no longer applies. I switched to Half & Half in my coffee a very long time ago) I can't say I'm 100% sugar-free, because of my non-flavored plain coffee creamer. The tiny amount doesn't seem to have the same effect as larger more obvious amounts. I'm sugar-free enough to experience the most amazing benefits I once thought were impossible to find for me.

 No binges and no urges to binge. So many people described their experience to me--and they described this feeling--but still, until I actually committed to the effort needed to personally "test" it, it was like they were speaking of some mythical fantasy.

I do recognize that I have a similar and many ways stronger support and accountability system in place now--but even still--I'm not fighting to maintain control. 

There's a peace and calm about my approach that I'm absolutely in love with.  If trading the occasional refined sugar for this feeling is the deal...then I'll sign a lifetime contract. That's the long answer to my perspective.

Will I ever go back to eating ice cream, cakes and other sugar-laden things? I pray I never do. My short answer is no, I don't plan on ever going back. I now know, understand and appreciate what I must do in order to stay abstinent.  I also know that if I ever decide to abandon the principles and practices of my personal recovery, I'll surely go straight back to the very familiar reality of an unmanageable and chaotic existence.

It's important to note that fortunately, not everyone is a food and/or sugar addict. For some, the basic fundamentals of eating less, exercising more and developing an "in moderation" approach to food is the answer. I wanted it to be my answer. And as much as I wanted to wish it into being--summoning the law of attraction and constantly telling myself I was someone who could be okay with a non-addict approach to recovery--I finally realized it wasn't me. And it's okay. I'm okay. And I have a wonderful, rich and fulfilling life ahead of me without sugar.

The acceptance of and fully embracing my personal truth of addiction, along with some life changing epiphanies about identity and self-worth, have sent me straight to a very positive place. I love this feeling and I wouldn't trade it for all the Snickers Bars and mint chocolate chip shakes in the world. Truth is, all it takes for that transaction to happen is one Snickers or shake.

I'm happily abstinent from sugar.
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That was a fun look back!

Today, I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget. I remained abstinent from refined sugar. I exceeded my daily water goal. I remained firmly connected with solid support contacts and I completed an unusual, but very effective workout.

I'll try for another day like today, tomorrow.

One more thing. I do share a lot here, but I try to be very mindful of protecting the privacy of people close to me. I'm the only one who signed up for this level of sharing. I haven't always made this important and the archives reflect that very well. I do much better these days. With that said...

I noticed Kristin publicly acknowledged our breakup early last week, so I will too. Ultimately, It turned out to be a mutual decision. I wish her all the best. I know she wishes me well, too.

Continuous Accountability Live-Tweet Stream:
































Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Monday, July 25, 2016

July 25th, 2016 That Explains It

July 25th, 2016 That Explains It

I knew something was going on, but I didn't know why. I started getting a bunch of Twitter activity midday. My Twitter followers naturally fluctuate up and down. Some people will follow without knowing what I'm all about, then quickly unfollow after several food and water pictures. I never take it personally. They're not aware of what this Twitter feed is all about or why it started in the first place.

I'm proud of the two years and four months worth of picture tweets documenting everything. What started as an "extreme accountability measure" designed to aid my turnaround from relapse/regain, transformed into simply an accountability measure and now, I credit the Twitter feed for helping me maintain consistency, improving my choices and encouraging me to mindfully prepare and enjoy my food... and enjoy the process! I don't plan on stopping this part of my plan anytime soon, or ever, really. 

It turned out, the Today Show included me in an article released on Twitter and Facebook. It was an unexpected surprise this afternoon. That explained today's dramatic increase in Twitter and Facebook traffic! It was an honor to be included with five other JoyFit Club members!

We've had several more signups for the weight loss support groups I co-facilitate with Life Coach Kathleen and Life Coach Gerri. We're down to only a few spaces remaining for our next 8-week session. If you're interested, it would be a good idea to email me directly--rather than me posting the sign-up links again. I'm super-excited about our next session!

Transformation.road@gmail.com

I maintained the integrity of today's maintenance calorie budget. I remained abstinent from refined sugar. I met my daily water goal and I remained actively connected with great support exchanges.

Continuous Accountability Live-Tweet Stream:








































Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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Sunday, July 24, 2016

July 24th, 2016 All Or Nothing

July 24th, 2016 All Or Nothing

The following is an exchange I shared this weekend with a longtime supporter of this blog. Please understand, I DON'T know it all--and I don't claim to know it all. So when I speak or write, it's coming from my personal experience. The learning along this road never stops. Some of the perspectives I've come to better understand about me and my past experiences are shared within this exchange. Perhaps some of it might resonate with you, too.

Longtime reader: "Please Tell me some steps to eliminate "all or nothing" thinking."

Reply: All or nothing thinking comes from the self-imposed rules we create for our plan. These rules are developed from our lifetime of experience that has created our perception of what it means or what we believe is required to lose weight successfully.

What happens is this: We honor those old perceptions by creating our own set of rules- and maybe these rules are on paper or not- they can exist subconsciously, too... And then, when we do something that isn't in line with these old patterns of thinking- we feel like we've failed... When in reality, we haven't failed at all... But all or nothing thinking suggests we have- and then we get into the, "forget it, why bother" area of our brain.

Longtime reader: "That would apply to the number on the scale not matching what we are expecting also, wouldn't it!?"

Reply: Yes- the idea is to embrace our plan... And since the scale takes into account about seven different things... We let the scale do what it does. We just embrace our plan and move forward. The scale will catch up. And after awhile, if it doesn't, we can modify our plan if needed. The idea is to take the power away from the scale. It's about finding our peace and calm in the embrace of our plan, rather than from a number on the scale.

Because the scale isn't a direct reflection of our plan. Yet, many times, we allow that number to completely negate our plan- and discourage us- when truly, it wasn't our plan the scale was reflecting on any particular number it shows. I'm so incredibly proud of you. Thank you for reaching out for support!

It is challenging- but it's completely possible, to simplify our plan. Throw out the preconceived notions, develop a plan where we can consistently hit these "new marks," --and we can feel great about it, instead of constantly feeling defeated because we're not living up to what we thought was required of us to be successful.

The smaller, simplified plan, is one that we can embrace. It's designed for our consistent progress- and it evolves in time. The more consistency we give this new, simplified list of "non-negotiable" elements, the better we feel... Because finally, we're able to focus on a plan we can feel good about-- and one that ultimately, gets us to where we're wanting to go along this road... And wasn't that the goal to begin with? :)

And when our brains start telling us things reminiscent of the old diet mentality- we must reach for support and a different perspective. It's important. You're important.

Longtime reader: "THANK YOU! Thank you! THANK YOU! SO needed to hear your explanations!!!"

Reply: You're always welcome. I hope that perspective helps!

Longtime reader: "More than you know! Your words caused a HUGE AHA for me!  I needed this even more than I knew!!! Thanks."

Reply: Awe, I'm so glad. :) That does my heart good!!
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Today was a great day. I was able to get some work done, prepare some great food, I did two Facebook LIVE videos--one in the secret exclusive support group--and the other on my regular Facebook page. I had a great workout tonight and even tried something new in the kitchen!

If you're thinking about signing up for the weight loss support groups I co-facilitate with Life Coach Kathleen and Life Coach Gerri, I hope you do it soon! We limit registration in order to keep the group small, so space is very limited! If you have questions, email Kathleen or me--and we'll be happy to answer right away! Coach Kathleen's email: totalkathy@aol.com My email: transformation.road@gmail.com




























Today, I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget. I remained abstinent from refined sugar. I exceeded my daily water goal. I remained actively involved with wonderful support connections. And I had a great workout.

I'll take today and hope and pray for another, just like it, tomorrow!

Continuous Accountability Live-Tweet Stream:
Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
Posted by at 2 comments:

Saturday, July 23, 2016

July 23rd, 2016 So Suddenly

July 23rd, 2016 So Suddenly

I think I'm calling an audible and opting for a fast blog post and sleep. I just got back from spending some time with my oldest daughter and her husband. I think we could have talked all night! It's always an enjoyable conversation with those two. But then, and so suddenly--I started getting excessively tired!

Today was amazing. I'll let the tweets tell the tale.

Today, I maintained the integrity of my calorie budget, I remained abstinent from refined sugar, I exceeded my daily water goal and I remained solidly connected with great support.

Continuous Live-Tweet Stream:










































Thank you for reading and your continued support,
Strength,
Sean
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