Sunday, July 24, 2016

July 24th, 2016 All Or Nothing

July 24th, 2016 All Or Nothing

The following is an exchange I shared this weekend with a longtime supporter of this blog. Please understand, I DON'T know it all--and I don't claim to know it all. So when I speak or write, it's coming from my personal experience. The learning along this road never stops. Some of the perspectives I've come to better understand about me and my past experiences are shared within this exchange. Perhaps some of it might resonate with you, too.

Longtime reader: "Please Tell me some steps to eliminate "all or nothing" thinking."

Reply: All or nothing thinking comes from the self-imposed rules we create for our plan. These rules are developed from our lifetime of experience that has created our perception of what it means or what we believe is required to lose weight successfully.

What happens is this: We honor those old perceptions by creating our own set of rules- and maybe these rules are on paper or not- they can exist subconsciously, too... And then, when we do something that isn't in line with these old patterns of thinking- we feel like we've failed... When in reality, we haven't failed at all... But all or nothing thinking suggests we have- and then we get into the, "forget it, why bother" area of our brain.

Longtime reader: "That would apply to the number on the scale not matching what we are expecting also, wouldn't it!?"

Reply: Yes- the idea is to embrace our plan... And since the scale takes into account about seven different things... We let the scale do what it does. We just embrace our plan and move forward. The scale will catch up. And after awhile, if it doesn't, we can modify our plan if needed. The idea is to take the power away from the scale. It's about finding our peace and calm in the embrace of our plan, rather than from a number on the scale.

Because the scale isn't a direct reflection of our plan. Yet, many times, we allow that number to completely negate our plan- and discourage us- when truly, it wasn't our plan the scale was reflecting on any particular number it shows. I'm so incredibly proud of you. Thank you for reaching out for support!

It is challenging- but it's completely possible, to simplify our plan. Throw out the preconceived notions, develop a plan where we can consistently hit these "new marks," --and we can feel great about it, instead of constantly feeling defeated because we're not living up to what we thought was required of us to be successful.

The smaller, simplified plan, is one that we can embrace. It's designed for our consistent progress- and it evolves in time. The more consistency we give this new, simplified list of "non-negotiable" elements, the better we feel... Because finally, we're able to focus on a plan we can feel good about-- and one that ultimately, gets us to where we're wanting to go along this road... And wasn't that the goal to begin with? :)

And when our brains start telling us things reminiscent of the old diet mentality- we must reach for support and a different perspective. It's important. You're important.

Longtime reader: "THANK YOU! Thank you! THANK YOU! SO needed to hear your explanations!!!"

Reply: You're always welcome. I hope that perspective helps!

Longtime reader: "More than you know! Your words caused a HUGE AHA for me!  I needed this even more than I knew!!! Thanks."

Reply: Awe, I'm so glad. :) That does my heart good!!
Today was a great day. I was able to get some work done, prepare some great food, I did two Facebook LIVE videos--one in the secret exclusive support group--and the other on my regular Facebook page. I had a great workout tonight and even tried something new in the kitchen!

If you're thinking about signing up for the weight loss support groups I co-facilitate with Life Coach Kathleen and Life Coach Gerri, I hope you do it soon! We limit registration in order to keep the group small, so space is very limited! If you have questions, email Kathleen or me--and we'll be happy to answer right away! Coach Kathleen's email: My email:

Today, I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget. I remained abstinent from refined sugar. I exceeded my daily water goal. I remained actively involved with wonderful support connections. And I had a great workout.

I'll take today and hope and pray for another, just like it, tomorrow!

Continuous Accountability Live-Tweet Stream:
Thank you for reading and your continued support,


  1. Hi Sean,
    Are you familiar with SMART Recovery? It is a program based on principles of cognitive behavioral therapy, and provides "... support [to]individuals who have chosen to abstain, or are considering abstinence from any type of addictive behaviors (substances or activities), by teaching how to change self-defeating thinking, emotions, and actions; and to work towards long-term satisfactions and quality of life". Your discussion regarding all-or-nothing thinking reminded me of what SMART describes as "rational vs irrational thoughts". Irrational thoughts (such as all-or-nothing thinking), are ones that aren't helpful, aren't based on evidence, and don't help you to reach a goal. SMART has some great tools to determine whether a thought is rational or irrational and to combat them if need be. All of their tools are available for free online, and they offer both online and in-person support groups.

    Please note that I am in way affiliated with SMART, I just happen to identify a lot with it and find the tools to be useful. Just want to share the love and resources! :)

  2. So good to get the "stinkin' thinkin'" of old with all or nothing being predominant out of our system. It takes control and causes if not failure, problems. Thanks for all the help Sean, to get us to goal.


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