The following was taken from the archives, edited and republished for this post. It fits. I'm taking the best care I can tonight by going to bed and getting the rest I need. I asked two different support buddies for perspective with the decision to go to bed now, instead of the Y for my workout. They both agreed I was making the correct decision. I'm too tired. I go, now. Tweets from today, below.
I've been thinking today about those friends that I know are struggling. Some are slowly losing their grip—others have completely lost their grip. I want to reach out to each one and explain, I understand.
The struggle of being over 500 pounds for so long, with all the ill effects of such enormous weight, wasn't enough to motivate me to change for nearly two decades. And just when I thought I was really changing, I'd slowly let it slip away---back into my 500 pound existence. I did that over and over. So what changed?
I knew that this pattern would eventually leave me without any options, only an early death. After analyzing my self-destructive weight loss patterns, I realized that I never made it/me important enough. I never gave it/me the importance level it/I deserved. It was way too easy to rationalize bad choices with a really low importance level.
Oh, it was life or death, but I never treated it that way until this time. Why not?
Because I don't like dramatics. The thought was always--I've got plenty of time, right? I'm easy...hey, it's no big deal! People die every day who were 100% convinced they had more time.
YES, it is a very big deal.
I've been called fanatical and obsessive, even jokingly mocked and laughed at (I seriously don't care and it doesn't bother me at all--seriously, not even a teeny weenie bit) over my calorie budget, my accountability tweets and my abstinence from refined sugar, but you know what else they can call me?
I don't write that in a braggart kind of way. I write that in a matter of fact kind of way. Rest assured, I also know my success each day is dependent on consistent actions within the fundamental elements of my recovery. If I stray from the fundamental elements of my recovery, I'll be done in the worst way. That's also a fact.
If looking at my calorie budget or my abstinence from refined sugar in life or death terms seems fanatical and obsessive, then fine by me. I failed every other time because I wasn't.
I was easy---I was full of excuses and rationalizations for why I couldn't or shouldn't stick to my plan.
If you want success, you must be willing to get seriously dramatic with yourself. It doesn't mean you walk around with a scowl on your face or an intense glare. It means you hold your fundamental elements--the boundaries of your plan, with the same reverence an alcoholic in successful recovery gives his sobriety.
Let's get real and make this happen. It'll set you free.
My Tweets Today:
Monday needs a BIG mug. Dark roast w/3 tablespoons half & half X 2 cups. 120 cal. pic.twitter.com/VDAHBhAqNx— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) November 9, 2015
Breakfast in MFP... pic.twitter.com/0rnkUTFaAs— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) November 9, 2015
Avocado omelet w/2 whole eggs-2 egg whites, 151g avocado, 2secOOspray, 159g Honeycrisp apple, 3.9oz banana. 579 cal. pic.twitter.com/kLY60U6Ykg— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) November 9, 2015
Midday Dark roast with two tablespoons half & half. 40 cal. pic.twitter.com/IWS544Ds6x— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) November 9, 2015
6.4oz 96% lean beef with mustard & 14g shredded colby-jack on an Ezekiel bun. 169g Honeycrisp. 543 cal. pic.twitter.com/kFiX6doySr— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) November 9, 2015
Lunch in MFP... pic.twitter.com/LbOtn7xzWt— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) November 9, 2015
Mushroom pizza with a Fit & Active sf flatbread, 1/2 srv tomato basil, 1.5oz mshrms & two slices mozzarella. 218 cal pic.twitter.com/D3GxEcpjtI— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) November 9, 2015
Dinner in MFP... pic.twitter.com/z14pBHhZLM— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) November 10, 2015
3.8oz grilled salmon, 250g sweet potato w/red onion & oospray, grilled asparagus, 120g mini corn ears. 594 cal. pic.twitter.com/4uSnf4LEgG— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) November 10, 2015
185g apple & 4.4oz banana. 2 cup water bottle refill equals #watergoal #lastfoodofday 166 cal. pic.twitter.com/L2esMA3f1H— Sean Anderson (@SeanAAnderson) November 10, 2015
Thank you for reading and your continued support,