Tuesday, October 11, 2016

October 11th, 2016 The Fade Away

October 11th, 2016 The Fade Away

The times I feel most vulnerable aren't necessarily the times of greatest challenge. The most challenging times are the ones where I choose to go it alone. Developing a strong support system is critically important. What is a "support system?" For many of us, it starts spiritually. Aside from that very personal part of our support, a support system is made up of people who understand, and maybe they're further along or perhaps just getting started--doesn't matter. Maybe their individual circumstance is night and day different from ours--doesn't matter. They "get it." They get those elements we have in common--the familiar elements so many who have had an unhealthy relationship with food would immediately recognize. And they're a text, call, email or messenger away--and the support we seek, we do our best to return in equal measure, and no longer do we feel alone.

When I engage with support, the most challenging of circumstances somehow become more manageable. If I turn away from support, even the minor challenges seem monumental. If I'm fixed on a particular perspective, good support can lend me their vision--and that alternate view helps shift my perspective.

The last month, maybe month and a half, has really tested me in every way. Or has it been two months, or more? I don't know--doesn't matter--all I know is, if not for solid support connections I would have faded away. Fading away always starts with isolating--resisting support, rebelling against the extraordinary care we need to live--believing the lie that the elements of that rebellion will somehow make things better, or easier--and the deeper we withdraw, the further apart we feel--and at some point we don't want support anymore, or we don't think we do--because now we're in too deep. The fade away, like a powerful magnet, pulls us in a familiar direction. There's comfort in familiar. It might even seem like it feels better--like, what a relief!!! But it doesn't take long until we pass the point of realizing it's not helping--and we're straight into the self-loathing--uncompassionate brutality of self--and then, after relentlessly beating ourselves up--we start feeling unworthy of support. Then, often--we engage in a series of starts and stops--trying to get it together--going it alone...as if we're saying, "I got myself into this mess, I'll pull myself out--and then I'll reconnect with support..." Don't wait. Don't fade away.

Today: I maintained the integrity of my maintenance calorie budget. I remained abstinent from refined sugar. I met my daily water goal and I stayed connected with great support.

Enough rambling from me. What can I say? I felt the need to express my experience.

I wasn't able to get production complete this evening on episode 4 of Transformation Planet. It'll come tomorrow evening. I mention this just in case you were wondering--after I gleefully mentioned it in last night's post.

Today's Accountability Live-Tweet Stream:

Thank you for reading and your continued support,

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